Free at last! Oh Lawd Allmighty I’m Free at Last!
Or however that line went…
The bathroom is D.O.N.E.!
Check out the full set at flickr.
Monthly Archives: March 2006
One Way Ticket (To Hell)
A post in which I confirm that underneath the seemingly sweet exterior, I am a bad, bad, person.
Some of you may remember a guy I wrote about earlier this year; the one I went out with a couple times, before finding out he “forgot” to mention he had a girlfriend.
Well, it turns out that he’s in the hospital right now. He suffered a sudden lung collapse last week, and it turns out he’s got a puncture that requires surgery.
My first thought* upon hearing this?
Karma, of course. Don’t be a dick. And definitely don’t mess with the Jen.
I’m sure they’re fitting my handbasket with nitrous at this very moment to ensure I go to hell, directly to hell, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
*My second thought really was “damn, that sucks” and I do sincerely hope he’s ok! It’s not like I wished harm upon him or anything – I figured bumbling through life as a First-Class Idiot was punishment enough…
Bad Marketing
Diet Pepsi’s new Brown & Bubbly schtick isn’t going over so well with me.
For someone who’s a lifelong sufferer of IBS, the phrase brings up thoughts of anything BUT (no pun intended) diet soda.
I’m just sayin’…
Rollin’
It’s that time again… Tim Horton’s Roll-up the Rim to Win contest is in full swing.
And as usual, I’m losing. The official count thus far for this year’s efforts is 0/7.
I wrote last year about how I never win unless something catastrophic happens. And I don’t remember (and didn’t post) whether or not I won anything in 2005 – so I can’t disprove my theory yet.
In the meantime, I’m highly caffeinated and gunning for a doughnut.
Finis?
There are guys at my house right this very moment who claim they are finishing my bathroom today…
Reminder of where things left off here.
Any guesses as to what will actually be done when I get home tonight?
Update: some things were actually done! I’m amazed! It’s not finished yet, but it’s actually starting to look like a real bathroom again!
I shopped, I dropped
Five hours and many hundreds of dollars later, I have a single jacket.
My mom, however, could’ve used a sherpa.
It’s Saturday night, I have invites to four parties, and none sound as good as spending the evening recouperating on my couch.
Dragon Breath
With the bathroom renovations still underway (we’re now at day 26 and counting…), my morning routine has been all over the place.
More than once I’ve gotten into the shower, only to remember 2 seconds too late that my towels are still hanging on the rack in the den.
Since I have no mirror in the bathroom, the next best lighting near a mirror is in my bedroom. There have been many days that I’ve forgotten to moisturize (it’s in the pile of stuff also in the den) before attempting to put on makeup. For those who’ve never tried it, it feels pretty crusty and gross, sortof like doughnut glaze on your face.
And as I’m sitting here at work today, I’ve realized that I missed a step again. I obviously got distracted between the bathroom/den/kitchen/bedroom loop and completely forgot to brush my teeth. Ew.
If I didn’t have the guts to ask for a rent reduction because of all this before, I certainly do now. Absence of tooth brushing constitutes a SERIOUS lack of enjoyment and quality of life as far as I’m concerned.
My Underwear was on TV
Ok, so not mine as in they borrowed it and used it on TV and gave it back.
But I did find it pretty odd to recognize my unremarkable Old Navy underwear making a cameo on Godiva’s the other day. Apparently the wardrobe coordinator and I have the same taste in undergarments.
So, of course, thanks to TiVo, I paused it and took a picture to record the moment for posterity.
Conversation
Conversation with a friend, as a followup to yesterday’s post (illustrating why I’ll be single for the foreseeable future…).
Friend: A ballroom dancing club is probably a good idea. Lots of guys are there to pick up women.
Self: Yes, and a LOT of women are there to pick up men.
Friend: That’s true, you’d definitely have to work to fight off the competition.
Self: Yah, I don’t do so well with that. I’m much better when I just have to show up and “be fabulous.”
Friend: Oh right, you’re a Leo – the party comes to you.
Self: Damn Straight. And my other problem is the age thing. Guys my age are so hit and miss. Either they’re going to turn out to be awesome and nobody knows it yet, or they’re hopeless. And if they do turn out to be great, someone with more patience than I has already snapped them up.
Friend: Older guys?
Self: Anyone more than a couple years older than me, I’m sifting through the not-so-great catches, it gets to be a “best of the rest” situation, which has been fairly discouraging so far.
Friend: What about younger guys?
Self: Seriously? Younger than 25? Think back to when you were 23-25….
Friend: Hmm… point taken. Oh hey, what about amateur theatre – there’s LOTS of hot, charismatic guys in amateur theatre!
Self: What city are we in again? I’m thinking a lot of the guys in amateur theatre here are batting for the other team.
Friend: Hmm, perhaps – stay away from musicals. But seriously, you could totally luck out and hook up with some struggling actor…
Self: Struggling?…
Friend: He could be on the verge of his big break!
Self: And if he doesn’t get that break? I don’t know that I wanna be with a waiter/failed actor…
Friend: OK NOW YOU’RE JUST GETTING TOO PICKY.
RHS #20 – The Medium is the Message?
How do people find dates anyway?
Random meetings in the grocery store? When and where do the cute, eligible guys shop? The last guy who said hi to me at my local grocery was pretty skeezy looking and dragging a toddler behind him.
Joining a group? I do yoga. There’s one guy in the class. He’s 40-ish and married.
Work? No. Just no.
Friends? Considering most of my friends are not single, and most of their friends aren’t single either, those pairings have been few and far between.
Bars? That would require I spent any time at them. And quite honestly, when I do, I refuse to up my Ho quotient far enough for any guys to look at me twice, let alone come over and say hi.
That’s left me so far with (dun dun dun…) the Internet.
The problem with online dating though, is that I’m limiting myself to people I have a strictly intellectual connection with.
If someone can’t write well, I’m not likely to want to even bother with them. Had I used that criteria with my ex, we wouldn’t have lasted four minutes, let alone four years. He’s smart and funny, but can’t write or spell worth a damn.
Unfortunately those that I’ve found that I can write back and forth with seem to be neurotic. And not a type of neruotic that’s complementary to my own personal neruoses. The kind of neurotic that’s most comfortable writing online, not because they’re good writers, but because that’s the kind of interpersonal connection they’re most comfortable with. In person, they are socially retarded.
Granted, I’m no Dale Carnegie myself, but I can carry on an intelligent conversation outside the confines of an Instant Messaging window.
So I’m abandoning the online dating, at least for now. I need to meet some real guys with real lives, outside of serial emailing.
And now I’m depending on you, dear reader. How did you meet your significant other? Point me in the direction of the eligible bachelors! I know they’re hiding out there somewhere…