I’m sure all the ladies in the house know that we should be feeling ourselves up on a regular monthly basis, to check for any abnormalities.

But do the boys know they should do the same?

Here’s a little clip that will… stimulate… your memory, and encourage you to… touch yourself.

Give it a Go.

Did you hug your mom yesterday? I did.

But now, the allergies have gotten the better of me. I did not sleep. And now I am home. For now I’m going back to bed – but leave a kind comment!

Actually, I’ll probably be really bored by the time 1:00pm rolls around, so everyone who leaves a comment today gets a response! How’s that for a Monday Treat!

I think I need to give in to the fact that I may have spring allergies.

I’ve been sneezing like a mofo for at least three weeks. For the past few days, my eyes have been dry and hurty (I haven’t even been wearing my contacts). I wake up in the morning groggy and snotty.

I’ve never had allergies before, nobody in my family does, so I’m totally unfamiliar with what to do about the symptoms. Should I be taking something or seeing someone about this? If so, who, what, where?

I’ve officially abandoned the patch. The nausea was getting worse and worse, meaning I was getting weaker and weaker, finally culminating with today, a Sunday where I haven’t showered, not because I’m lazy, but because I have no faith in my ability to stay vertical or conscious long enough to get the job done.

I have removed the patch, and will not be replacing it. For once, I’m grateful that I’ve recently found myself in a state of “not gettin’ any” for the foreseeable future, just because I can’t handle the hormonal contraception right now.

I’ve asked a few people who are supposed to be “in the know” about these things, and will be making an appointment with my doctor next week, but all indications point to an estrogen reaction. Side effects should not be this severe for the average user. However, having taken Depo Provera for the past 6-ish years, my body’s been lacking any estrogen for most of that time (which is what contributes to the osteoporosis risk), and dumping a bunch of it in at once makes the body very unhappy.

Literature suggests that it’ll take about 3 months to adjust to the change. I’m hoping my body will take care of that process on its own in a much less volatile manner.

I’m hoping I’ll be back up to snuff in a couple of days. In the meantime, enjoy the new design thanks to my dear, dear Kyndra. It’s almost as gorgeous and divine as she is.

As we near the end of week one of the patch, I’ve got a few more observations to share.

It’s still stuck in place, but it does have a nasty ring of sticky crud around it. The manufacturers claim I should be able to gently rub that off with some baby oil after I put a new patch on somewhere else next week (never put the patch on the exact same spot two weeks in a row). It’s not something I’m really worrying about right now, because I have no desire to flash my hot, hot ass around. However if I did, the patch would suck. So a special note to Porn Stars, Strippers and other Adult Entertainers: avoid the patch.

Of much greater concern to me right now though – the side effects. The patient information insert claims that common side effects include nausea and headache, which should fade with time (how much time, they do not say). Well it took a few days for them to show up, but for the past 48 hours I’ve been living on advil and diet gingerale. I feel absolutely disgusting. Compounding the situation is my caffeine addiction, meaning I need to consume coffee on my nasty upset stomach – or risk the headache turning into a migraine.

My uterus is also not co-operating with the situation, twinging and offering up nearly continuous mild cramps (back and front) for the past couple days as well. Also, though it’s fairly mild, I do have IBS and any upset in the delicate balance of my bottom system throws the whole thing grossly out of whack. So while not everyone’s side-effect experience may not be this unpleasant, it’s safe to say I feel like absolute ass on a stick these days.

I’m willing to put up with this crud for exactly 3 weeks (and really, after 2 days it already feels like too long) – if my body won’t adjust after one cycle, forget this patch crap. I’ll be looking for something else.

1. Going to the gym daily (or at least two days in a row) is good for endorphins, bad for housework getting done. Either start getting up earlier, or reschedule some key activities – such as laundry and grocery shopping.

2. If you’ve lost 15-odd pounds, chances are you will need a new sports bra, because your chest is now 3″ smaller around than the bagged out bra you currently own. A bad time to discover this is in the middle of a run (holy hell the girls still hurt).

3. If you go directly home instead of showering at the gym, remember to eat then shower. Unless you dig the whole dizzy/nauseous thing.

4. As much as you really, really want to nap as soon as you get home, RESIST! This will only result in a fitful nap, followed by an inability to fall asleep until far too late, followed by much cursing at the alarm clock in the morning.

5. Stick to your program. No matter how cute the guy on the weight bench is, just because you can tack on an extra minute or two of sprinting to your workout, doesn’t mean you should. If you have any doubt about this, your legs will inform you either later that evening, or first thing in the morning.

If you think this is amusing, just wait until I start playing raquetball. Please ignore the resulting black eyes.

I am so tricky, I’ve finally managed to fool myself.

In an effort to look more like a presentable human being at work, I’ve started wearing my workout clothes to walk to work, and changing into work attire when I get here. It means I wear a lot more uncomfortable, but oh so pretty shoes during the day.

So I arrive at work, change out of my gym clothes (into an outfit complete with uncomfortable shoes), and leave them in my locker in the gym downstairs. This requires, naturally, that when I leave, I reverse the process and go into the gym, change into my gym clothes (an outfit complete with comfy socks and runners)….

… and suddenly I’m in my gym clothes, at the gym. If I do not work out now I am the epitome of lame and lazy.

So with 10 minutes left in my day (still in the uncomfortable shoes) I’m trying to scheme a way out of going into the gym. And I’m at a loss. Looks like I’ll have to resign myself to another crack at the treadmill.

Crazy like a fox I am. sigh

Due to growing concerns about the side effects of the long-term use of Depo Provera, I’ve decided to switch my hormonal contraception to the Evra Patch.

I’ve taken oral contraceptives before, and the reason I switched to Depo Provera is because I just couldn’t remember to take the pill every day. When I decided to make the switch off Depo, the patch seemed to be a natural choice. And today is patch day one.

Initial observations:
-I haven’t had any sort of crazy hormonal surge, like I used to get with Depo as soon as I got a new injection.
-The patch was easy to apply, and I don’t notice it on my skin at all (I’ve applied it to my butt for starters, of the four places it can reside)
-It does leave a bit of sticky residue, and I’ve ended up having it stuck to my clothing a little, as well as inadvertently tugging on it when I change. I think that’s mostly due to placement – I’ll change where I stick it next week.

That’s all I have to report for now – I’ll update this as I discover anything else worth mentioning.

A lot of people at work are sick lately.

I did pilates last night.

You wouldn’t normally think these two things have anything to do with eachother, but how wrong you’d be.

I did the extreme abs pilates workout, and thanks to my co-workers I’m developing a bit of a cough. I think you know where this is going….

PAIN.

*whimper*