You can’t imagine how unbelievably sad I am to be writing this entry.
Ending any relationship is hard, but this one meant more to me than most. It’s seen me through so much, been with me through good times and bad, and its warm, comforting embrace has been the one constant I’ve had to rely on when nothing else was going right.
My friends, I am off coffee.
I’ve been pretty ill for quite some time. Since late March I’ve been dealing with being completely irregular (varying widely from one end of that particular spectrum to the other), and random attacks of nausea. It’s gotten to bad that I’ve had to walk out on dinners (because just being in the presence of food is enough to trigger illness) and have bolted from a cab, upstairs to the bathroom just in time to hurl. I have spent more nights than I care to admit to myself curled up in the fetal position waiting for the sweet release of sleep – or death – or anything to make me stop feeling like my torso is being turned inside-out.
Now I’m at a point where I don’t like going out much, because I have no idea how I’ll feel or what might happen (it tends to come out of “nowhere”). I’ve lost 5lbs – but not in a good way. I’ve actually mostly abandoned any sort of serious exercise routine, because on a daily basis I’m never sure if I’ll be able to consume enough calories to make it through a workout without fainting. And of course, the lack of exercise means my energy levels have gone waaaaaay down, and I’m mostly tired all the time.
It was clearly time to do something about this, and I’m already familiar with the processes of dealing with GI distresses – so I started paying really close attention to everything I do and eat.
And one constant I’ve found is coffee.
I’ve not had any for a few days (or the couple cups I have had made me pretty sick) – and I’m already starting to feel better.
I almost wish I didn’t.
But for now, coffee is dead to me. Really rich foods (especially dense, dark chocolates) and wine are on notice.
Of course, if I actually have to move either one of those to the banned list, life may not be worth living anymore.
At the moment, though, things are slowly getting better – and Neil has switched from delivering java in the mornings to tea instead.