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Half-Clean

One of the pet peeves I had while I was looking for cleanse info/reviews was finding people saying “oh hey I’m starting this cleanse” and that was the last thing they had to say about it. For future googlers, I’m halfway through this godforsaken Wild Rose D-Tox cleanse. Here’s how it’s going:

  • I certainly experienced the fatigue that was listed as a side effect. I crashed hard on Monday afternoon. The upside is that I’ve been sleeping like the dead all week, which feels nice in the mornings. Downside: I still crash at about 8:00pm every day.
  • I also started off really, REALLY hungry. It took a while to remember that I need to eat some whole grains with just about everything. That means lots of brown rice with all meals. Eight days in, and I’m eating less, and also less hungry. I don’t know if that means I’m getting used to things or just bored and resigned to a smaller diet.
  • If you’re going to do this cleanse, buy the cookbook. Don’t ask whether it’s worth it, just buy it. Your tastebuds will thank you. It’s also a handy investment if you ever entertain friends who have every food sensitivity known to mankind.
  • My terrible $10 bathroom scale has told me nothing in terms of weightloss (I suppose that’s what I get for buying a terrible $10 scale), but my pants say that at least a couple pounds are gone.
  • I have yet to experience any of the “clarity” or “extra energy” or other feel-good benefits that cleanse-takers report. I am trying to look at that in a positive light, and deduce that it’s because I was not particularly toxic to begin with, and am not sensitive to all of the things I’m really missing eating right now.
  • I am uncharacteristically (yes, even for me) short tempered and generally cranky. I snap like a twig. I’m not otherwise emotional – not weepy or sentimental – just highly annoyed pretty much 24/7, for no good reason (other than a distinct lack of mushroom cheeseburgers).
  • I haven’t had any other “to be expected” symptoms of “sugar withdrawl” such as headaches, etc.
  • The pooping is bad, but not as bad as I’d initially expected. It’s unpleasant, and often urgent, but nothing compared to the prep one needs to do for a barium enema or a colonoscopy (says the girl with a family history of IBD), and CERTAINLY nothing compared to food poisoning. So that’s something, I guess.

    • If you asked me today whether or not I’d ever do this again, the answer is a resounding NO.

    I might be a bit slimmer (that’s a big might, and remember, brought on by having liquefied my digestive tract for nearly 2 weeks), but I don’t otherwise feel any notable benefits from doing this so far.

    And the negatives (being highly annoyed all the time, making everyone feel awkward by refusing cake/beer/anything except green tea and the blueberries my poor mom went out and got for me at my dad’s birthday, being insanely tired most of the time, did I mention the crankiness? and the pooping?) far outweigh the positives.

    I’ll check in again once it’s all done, and once I’ve hopefully regained my usually cheerier outlook.

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    6 thoughts on “Half-Clean”

    2. I did the same cleanse you are currently on and I agree completely. I will never do that cleanse or any other commercial cleanse ever again. I have since learned that cleansing can be done effectively without going off of everything you love and needing to resort to kits and cookbooks.

      A friend’s dad, who is in his 70s and the healthiest guy I know, swears that drinking fruit and vegetable juice only for 24 hours allows your system to flush. Cutting meat out of your diet for a short period will also give your system a break and allow it to rest. Or cut red and white meat out and eat only fish. Cutting out processed foods in general will also give your body a rest. You don’t have to resort to laxatives, select fruit and veg and brown rice to cleanse. You can do it in shorter stints than 12 days and you can do it in a way that makes you happy, not cranky.

      My feeling is, if I feel angry and unhappy while I’m trying to do my body good, the scales have swung wildly off in the complete opposite direction and I may as well be eating cheeseburgers. I think of it as a mind/body thing.

    4. I do my own daily fibre cleanse right now: a half-cup of bran buds on top of non-fat yogurt. It is amazing. It is not for weight loss, but keeps my bm’s large and healthy.

    5. @sparklytosingle @christina yah, it’s pretty disappointing that something that was supposed to make me feel so good is having the opposite effect. i’m glad I know though.

      @darren you’re correct in your assessment. and i suppose the “unnatural” thing is countered with “we eat so many unnatural things, we need to get them out of our bodies” – do any other animals eat processed foods to the degree we do?

      @airdrie that sounds awesome! I miss yogurt and large, healthy bm’s. I’m looking forward to becoming reacquainted with both after Friday!

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