Category Archives: Schoolin’

So, about that thing.

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If you were paying attention in December, you’ll remember that I alluded to some mysterious “thing” that I was tip-toeing around doing.

First things first: I didn’t do it.

“It” was applying to grad school. But not just any grad program, I was going to apply to the Masters of Science in the Social Science of the Internet at the Oxford Internet Institute. Yes, that Oxford. I really fell in love with the place after visiting a couple years ago, and I’ve been casually perusing their graduate degree options ever since.

It also doesn’t help that while I have a good job that I enjoy 90% of the time, I used to have an amazing job that I enjoyed 93% of the time (before I was unceremoniously punted from the organization in a round of layoffs). It makes the few less-than-good days at the current job sting that much more. Yes I’m still bitter. I’m trying to let go.

My pattern of disillusionment with the rat race usually winds a course of 1) think back to the heady days of university when life was full of possibility and I could be anything I wanted 2) start investigating grad school 3) take a few steps toward applying before realizing that I am not actually as committed to school as I thought, and it’s really just me working through an escape plan. (See: LSAT test-taking days of 2006.)

I heard a great quote once by the current CEO of Yahoo! that goes something like “Don’t be afraid of risk and change, just make sure you’re running toward something rather than away from something else.

The MSc at OII still sounds like an amazing program that actually follows the work I did for my undergrad communications degree quite well, and absolutely scratches every curious academic itch I’ve ever had. But right now applying is more about running away than running toward.

I could still get a graduate degree some day. But right now it doesn’t line up with any of the goals I’ve got for my life. Every time I go back to the application, I feel a bit of pause – what will this do to financial plans? family plans? and what on earth would I do after I finish? I certainly do not want a life in academia or policy – so where does this take me?

Right now it takes me back to a reality check. Life, as it is, is good. And full of opportunities. I just need to remind myself to run toward them because they’re great all on their own, and not because I’m running away from something else.

LSAT-out

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With September comes the inevitable back to school feeling in the air. And this year, like the 3 before it, I won’t be going back. The slightly more noteworthy tidbit though, is that I won’t be going back next year either.

I’ve decided that despite my not-dismal-but-also-not-very-good LSAT score from June, I’m not going to re-write at the end of September. I may use my existing mark to apply to UBC, but I likely won’t. In fact, I likely won’t go to law school at all.

It wasn’t an easy decision to make.

I’ve toyed back and forth with the idea of going to law school since I was in 5th grade. It’s been at the very very back of my mind for the better part of the 16 years since then. It only started to creep back forward last winter. And my reasons for wanting to go were less about wanting to be a Lawyer (I had decided already that I didn’t want to do firm work, I’d rather work in legal at a larger corporation) than about wanting to be a something.

I was smack in the middle of a 2.5 year stint of general life frustration. Yes I know – a lot of people call that time “their 20′s” and welcome to the club. Thanks. It didn’t change the fact that I seemed to keep hitting dead ends in my career, felt pretty disconnected from all of my married or engaged friends, hated dating, had sufered a couple badly bruised hearts from potential relationships going completely awry, and felt like I had absolutely zero reason to stay in Vancouver.

That all added up to the perfect trifecta of excuses to drop out of the “real world” for a while and leave town, in the form of post-graduate education! Law School was a cop out.

I thought it was a good one though! So I broadcast my decision loud and clear to anyone who’d listen. I AM PRE-LAW! HEAR ME ROAR!

But when it came right down to it, I didn’t – and still don’t – have the drive and interest at this point in time to buckle down and study to get the marks I’d need to do well enough on the test to get in. And then what? Another 3 years of academic mediocrity in order to get a degree that meant escape more than achievement.

Still, it’s hard to admit that I’ve changed my mind. It feels a little like giving up.

Except letting that precarious plan go means the chance to have a far more rewarding future. I’m finally in a job where I feel smart again – where I feel that my talents and experience are finally being used to their full potential. I feel challenged in a good way, instead of bashing my head against my desk in fits of futility.

And I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that being in a relationship hasn’t had some impact on the decision as well.

That’s the hardest part to tell people. I’ve always been strong and independent and Ain’t Nobody Gonna Mess With My Vibe, Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down – Oh No, etc. And I’m giving it all up… for… a guy?

Not quite.

Going back to school wasn’t a self-improvement pursuit for me as much as it was running away from my life as it was. Just leaving town for a new city for no reason seemed far too risky – going for school was far more acceptable. And truth be told, Neil would love to see me go back to school, not only because he wants me to succeed and be happy, but because he doesn’t want to be perceived at all as “that guy” who made me give up my dream.

And this is the part where I have to admit that there is a small, very small, warm glimmer of molten something inside my otherwise cold, dead, black, crusty heart. I didn’t have Ridiculously High Standards for nothing. And I think the voracity with which I took on dating, and the speed at which I would toss any number of potential suitors aside because they somehow offended my delicate sensibilities does indicate that I wouldn’t just settle for someone. In spite of myself, I seem to have stumbled into “the real deal” or whatever the kids are calling it these days.

So now, I’m not an “alone-but-not-lonely (exceptkindoflonelyanyway) single gal” anymore. And I don’t hate my job. And life is otherwise going really well right now. Sorry Law School. Three-strikes and you’re out.

Anyone want a Kaplan LSAT 2006 study program? I know where you can get one for cheap.

And on and on

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I have yet to get a decent night’s sleep since before I left for Korea.

I have a lot of work to do as the busy Spelunking season gets fully underway.

I have a very important test to write in just under 3 weeks.

I don’t feel like I’m making progress on any of those fronts.

I feel useless and impotent.

What I really need is some sort of recharge/kickstart.

Any suggestions?

This is your brain on…

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With the exception of the first few weeks of excessive partying and blissful freedom after graduating from University, I always knew I wanted to go back. I am a nerd. A nerd for learnin’. And if that’s wrong, baby I don’t wanna be right!

The question then was, what to do? And here I give you a glimpse into my brain’s process of elimination:

Option 1: MA Communication Studies, focusing on either Mobile Telelphony, Telecom/Cable Convergence & Policy, or Blogs.

Question: Do I want a job of some sort that doesn’t involve pursuing a PhD and inflicting my knowledge on others when I finish? Yes. Fail. (I know that no degree is a guarantee of post-graduation employment, but some have far better prospects than others.)

Option 1: nixed.
——————————-
Option 2: MoT MBA.

Question: Do I want a job of some sort when I finish? Yes. Pass.

Question: Do I want to write the GMAT? I have accepted my inability to do math beyond a 4th grade level (you think I’m kidding…). So no. Fail.

Option 2: nixed
——————————-
Option 3: Law School (specializing in intellectual property)

Question: Do I want a job of some sort when I finish? Yes. Pass.

Question: Do I think I can do well on the LSAT? Yes. Pass.

Question: Have I been thinking about Law School, off and on, since I was 10 years old? Yes.
——————————-
So it’s pretty much settled. Or as settled as these things can be when there are still many hoops to jump through before the plan becomes a reality. And even then, things aren’t guaranteed.

But for now, much of that free time I don’t actually have between now and June 12th will be spent with my nose buried in this.

Wish me luck.

The Medium is the Message

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I’m about to reveal my academic dorkiness right now…

BUT IT’S TAKING EVERY TEENSY BIT OF WILLPOWER I HAVE AT THE MOMENT NOT TO DROP EVERYTHING AND GO TO TORONTO.

Why? For the McLuhan International Festival of the Future of course.

Honestly, the only thing holding me back is the fact that it starts today. If I’d had a couple weeks to plan, I’d be there by now.

But you’d better believe I’ll be MIFFing next year!

Do Not Pass Go

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One of my favourite concepts that came up during many of the Political Economy courses I took is that of Monopolies of Knowledge. Before you get excited, it has nothing to do with being really, really good at the board game.

A Monopoly of knowledge is a system in place that serves to preserve the status and exclusivity of those who have undertaken the process of obtaining it, and therefore the power they hold over those who don’t have the knowledge. Early examples include the trend of only allowing priests or white men learn how to read. Today it’s still prevalent in careers such as medicine & law, where the abundant use of latin terms prevents those who can’t or don’t learn the terminology from fully participating.

Last night in class I learned another career which seems to rely on a monopoly of knowledge structure to preserve its status and power. Accounting. Holy crap. Plugging the numbers into the equations isn’t really that difficult. It’s all based on grade nine algebra.

Deciphering the language and presenting my work with that same language however, is going to take some practice. I may need flash cards. Or a decoder ring.

Because now I have n0tes at home that look something like this:

Unearned Revenues {sneaky!} – When is an asset not an asset? When it’s a liability!

No wonder accountants have always come off as just this side of batshit crazy. You kindof have to be to think that actually makes sense.

Booyah.

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School really throws me into a self-induced state of panic. I procrastinate. I don’t study. I thought after a two year hiatus from classes that I’d perhaps turn the tides this time around and do the school thing properly. You know, read the textbook, study, prepare, etc. But some things never change, and I reverted back to my old ways like I had never left.

After my midterm, I was quite worried. I knew I didn’t do as well as I could’ve – and it showed in my bleak 78% mark.

Did I pull up my socks for the assignments? Not really. I blasted through them the night before they were due and hoped for the best.

Did I study for the final? Not so much. An hour of review before the test in the cafeteria would have to suffice.

Final Exam written: felt damn good.
Assignment one back: 95%
Assignment two back: 94%
Participation: 86% (a grade I gave myself in the self-appraisal)

This puts me at 87% going into the final that’s worth 30% of my grade. Which I felt really good about. I felt better coming out of the final than I did the midterm – but let’s say I got 80% on the final… That would give me a final grade of 85%. I’m hoping I hit 86%, just because that’s an A – but like I said, I felt significantly better about the final than the midterm… so I’m hopeful.

So why do I procrastinate and not study? As Dr. Phil would ask, what’s my payoff? The numbers don’t lie. I do it because I can. As long as I can continue to survive the panic ulcers I develop while I wait for the marks to come back.

Procrastinus Major

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In fine form again, I’m resurrecting the art of the one-day paper. The internet is a dangerous thing, negating the need to actually do any “library” research, and my new best friend Google is leading the way.

Whenever I make a statement that looks like it requires some proof outside of my word, I lay down the Google magic, and *poOf* there it is. Well, it’s not quite that easy, I spent too much time in academia to put my entire trust in online search results. I’m primarily using EBSCOhost and CBCA online indicies, supplemented by a few industry websites.

I’m now at page 2 of 7 done, making steady progress with my 1 page per hour pace. I’ve also probably wasted a solid third of the time with blogging, IRC, and coming across articles that I end up reading for personal interest, but are totally useless for my subject matter.

It also doesn’t help that the paper I’m writing is a joke. I’ve been instructed to write a “pure research” piece – I’m not to form any opinions of my own, just present information that other people can use to make decisions from. It’s highly unexciting and takes zero thought to write.

Good thing there’s so many leftovers from last night’s BBQ – at least I don’t have to take time away from writing to cook dinner. Leaves more time for wasting so I can give my full attention to Desperate Housewives.

Movin’ on Up to the West Side

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It’s just been confirmed that the SFU school of contemporary arts will be one of the tenants in the retrofitted Woodward’s building in Vancouver’s Downtown East Side.

I have mixed feelings about this.

On one hand, the School of Contemporary Arts has been a long-standing sore-spot among students at SFU. It’s been housed in mouldy portables for the past far-too-many years, which isn’t exactly an atmosphere conducive to creativity and arts development. The new facility downtown will be both updated to provide necessary resources to students and faculty, and will be an ideal spot to inspire arts as a reflection of society by being integrated into the downtown east side neighbourhood. Which is what contemporary arts should really be all about.

However, this will mark SFU’s fifth campus location. There is already a disparity between the “downtown (SFU Harbour Centre & Morris J. Wosk Center for Dialogue Locations on opposite sides of Hastings at Seymour)” vs. “the hill (aka “the hell” in Burnaby)” crowds. Once the SFU Segal School of Business (on Granville at Pender) and the new Contemporary Arts DTES locations are open, I can only see further factions splitting apart.

Something I never really got a strong feeling for during my time at SFU was any sense of community. It’s very different from UBC students I know, who seem to gather together at the SUB frequently (while the SFU pub sits empty and closes early). I haven’t been up there recently to see if the UniverCity has impacted any significant change, but I’d be surprised if it has.

Do you think the relocation of the School of Contemporary Arts will make a difference to the sense of community? Is SFU simply a commuter campus that should stay that way? Should the campus locations make a difference to the sense of community within the school?

Panic

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I have a midterm in 2.5 hours. I have yet to start studying.

-I need to stay at work for the next 0.5h
-It’ll take me another 0.5h to get home
-Where I’ll spend 0.75h shoveling nutrition and caffeine into my maw
-That leaves 0.25h for me to put my notes in the right order, hoping that through osmosis, some of the information on them will seep into my brain
-Then I’ve got 0.5h to get to class and hope I’m smart enough to keep pulling this off

Some days I almost (almost, not quite) wish I weren’t as smart as I am. You see, I’ve never actually learned how to study. So I just don’t. Grad school has never been in the plans, so I did enough to get by with my 3.25, and was happy with it.

One of these days my lack of studying is going to seriously bite me in the ass. Will today be that day?

UPDATE: (8:50pm) I have not lost the magic. The amount of information I retained was just right. I’m still safe… for now…

Blip Bloop

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Yes, I’m still here. Just totally uninteresting.

Remember all that stuff I did the weekend before last? Now that it’s finally been done, last weekend was full of all sorts of nothing. It was bliss.

I’m pretty happy that the strike didn’t mess up my class at all, though I wonder just how far the mediation talks will get when the schools have been ordered to offer nothing more than 0-0-0, and the unions are asking for anything but that.

Speaking of class, it’s still going well, and I’m still a slacker when it comes to actually doing my readings etc. I guess some things never change. Also, I hate being the smartest person in the room aside from the instructor. Or at least being the only smart person who’s willing to demonstrate that fact. I alternate between feeling like a pretentious twat, or being bored. Also, to the Bob-Barker-Tanned Blonde who plays dumb: stop it. I’m here to learn and be challenged, not listen to you twitter and giggle.

Back at work this week, and training again. At least they’ve fixed the heating in here. Lust has again returned for the 21′ LCD. I am also thinking I might perform a clandestine swap of the chair at my desk for the one I’m using in here. That’s the extent of the excitement in my world these days.

Also, I am ill. Thankfully training was put on hold for tomorrow (since the room was booked by someone else), so I won’t feel as guilty for taking a sick day.

Retards to the Left

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I’m in the process of registering for a class at BCIT in January. You’d think I’ve never done the whole “online shopping” or “course registration” thing before. I’m a complete retard about it all.

Of course, it’s a little more complicated than usual, because I need to pick up a cheque next week to pay for the class – but apparrently (according to the BCIT interface) I’m registered for Introduction to Human Resource Management on Monday nights. For some reason, I thought it should be harder.

I guess I’ll just see if they drop my not-yet-paid course in their overnight database cleanup or something.

Final

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I handed in my last exams today. That means I am done. Not the kind of “two weeks off until summer semester/job” done that I’ve been used to for the majority of my life – just done. My degree requirements are complete, and I convocate on June 5. Until then, I have no plans, just done.

I am frightened.

Caffeinated

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You know you’ve been a student too long when you are willing to drink old, stale, and/or cold coffee – and have even built up enough of a tolerance to it that you can call it “not bad.”

Also, I need a really basic online portfolio page where I can post my resume and some other cool stuff I’ve done. Anyone out there willing to design it in exchange for dinner? I need this done by the end of the month (ideally).

Ok, enough procrastination – I’m almost finished !@#$!@#$!@#%