With September comes the inevitable back to school feeling in the air. And this year, like the 3 before it, I won’t be going back. The slightly more noteworthy tidbit though, is that I won’t be going back next year either.
I’ve decided that despite my not-dismal-but-also-not-very-good LSAT score from June, I’m not going to re-write at the end of September. I may use my existing mark to apply to UBC, but I likely won’t. In fact, I likely won’t go to law school at all.
It wasn’t an easy decision to make.
I’ve toyed back and forth with the idea of going to law school since I was in 5th grade. It’s been at the very very back of my mind for the better part of the 16 years since then. It only started to creep back forward last winter. And my reasons for wanting to go were less about wanting to be a Lawyer (I had decided already that I didn’t want to do firm work, I’d rather work in legal at a larger corporation) than about wanting to be a something.
I was smack in the middle of a 2.5 year stint of general life frustration. Yes I know – a lot of people call that time “their 20’s” and welcome to the club. Thanks. It didn’t change the fact that I seemed to keep hitting dead ends in my career, felt pretty disconnected from all of my married or engaged friends, hated dating, had sufered a couple badly bruised hearts from potential relationships going completely awry, and felt like I had absolutely zero reason to stay in Vancouver.
That all added up to the perfect trifecta of excuses to drop out of the “real world” for a while and leave town, in the form of post-graduate education! Law School was a cop out.
I thought it was a good one though! So I broadcast my decision loud and clear to anyone who’d listen. I AM PRE-LAW! HEAR ME ROAR!
But when it came right down to it, I didn’t – and still don’t – have the drive and interest at this point in time to buckle down and study to get the marks I’d need to do well enough on the test to get in. And then what? Another 3 years of academic mediocrity in order to get a degree that meant escape more than achievement.
Still, it’s hard to admit that I’ve changed my mind. It feels a little like giving up.
Except letting that precarious plan go means the chance to have a far more rewarding future. I’m finally in a job where I feel smart again – where I feel that my talents and experience are finally being used to their full potential. I feel challenged in a good way, instead of bashing my head against my desk in fits of futility.
And I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that being in a relationship hasn’t had some impact on the decision as well.
That’s the hardest part to tell people. I’ve always been strong and independent and Ain’t Nobody Gonna Mess With My Vibe, Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down – Oh No, etc. And I’m giving it all up… for… a guy?
Going back to school wasn’t a self-improvement pursuit for me as much as it was running away from my life as it was. Just leaving town for a new city for no reason seemed far too risky – going for school was far more acceptable. And truth be told, Neil would love to see me go back to school, not only because he wants me to succeed and be happy, but because he doesn’t want to be perceived at all as “that guy” who made me give up my dream.
And this is the part where I have to admit that there is a small, very small, warm glimmer of molten something inside my otherwise cold, dead, black, crusty heart. I didn’t have Ridiculously High Standards for nothing. And I think the voracity with which I took on dating, and the speed at which I would toss any number of potential suitors aside because they somehow offended my delicate sensibilities does indicate that I wouldn’t just settle for someone. In spite of myself, I seem to have stumbled into “the real deal” or whatever the kids are calling it these days.
So now, I’m not an “alone-but-not-lonely (exceptkindoflonelyanyway) single gal” anymore. And I don’t hate my job. And life is otherwise going really well right now. Sorry Law School. Three-strikes and you’re out.
Anyone want a Kaplan LSAT 2006 study program? I know where you can get one for cheap.