Category Archives: Take this Job…

Dear Blogland

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I could certainly use a bit of a pick-me-up today.

So I ask you, blogiverse, to indulge me in my wee pity party, while I present to you a list of things that suck today:

I am still jobless. Not only that, but of the dozen or so applications I’ve sent out, I’ve received exactly one phone interview (which is as far as that candidate experience went). Otherwise, no responses at all. In addition to that, at least two of the jobs I applied for were re-posted within a week of sending my application. It’s not like I wasn’t qualified, and didn’t demonstrate that in my resume or cover letter, so it’s pretty sucky to realize I don’t even merit a phone call.

And while I would normally console myself with the procurement of something pretty or shiny (say what you will about filling personal voids with material goods), the EI gods who determined that unemployed workers in BC are entitled to 55% of their earnings, up to a maximum of [insert figure that launches one into abject poverty here], have convinced me I’d rather have groceries and electricity than trinkets.

The condo we purchased, waaaaaaaay back in May 2006, that was supposed to complete in July 2007 has been pushed back. The official word from the Realtor representing the developers is that they “hope to have everyone in by December.” That basically negates the awesome mortgage pre-approval interest rates we secured for a July closing (rates right now are at least 0.2% higher than what we got – but our rates are only good for 120 days from approval) and means we get to spend an extra 6 months pouring rent money into someone else’s pocket.

I make a shitty, shitty housewife. Being at home all the time means I go stir-crazy, and also lose all concept of space and time. I rarely know what day it is, and have no idea where time goes when it passes. All I know is that all of those “things” I figured would be so easy to get done around the house, still aren’t.

There are doggy-hair tumbleweeds blowing around everywhere, there is always laundry to do, the bathrooms are shamefully filthy (think college aged male bathroom levels of icky), the kitchen sink is always full of dishes – especially today, since I overcooked the basmati rice last night and made quite a dog’s breakfast of the aloo gobi (nothing says “good morning” like a pot full of tepid water and leftover stuck-on curry bits).

Obviously none of the aforementioned are terribly tragic compared to any number of things going on in the rest of the world, but they’re certainly harshing my buzz. And I still definitely feel entitled to a bit of a mope about my situation.

So blogosphere – I implore you – give me something to smile about!

Tell me something awesome that’s going on in your world. Give me an example of the best opening for a cover letter you’ve ever seen. Leave a comment with anything funny or smile-inducing (I have tried both Knut and the hand-holding Otters – I need something stronger).

And hopefully in a day or two I’ll return to tell you something that doesn’t suck.

Paralyzer

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Two loaves of homemade whole wheat bread (no, I don’t own a breadmaker).
One batch of brownies.
Two loaves of banana bread.
Two sparkling bathrooms.
One 90-minutes-of-prep/cooking Moroccan feast for two.
Countless loads of laundry.
Hours of happy dog walks.

Three-point-seven-five days of unemployment.

Five job openings sitting in open browser tabs, waiting for me to apply to them.

And I’m stuck.

I look at my resume and hate every line. I look over the umpteen cover letter formats and styles I use, and see everything but inspiration.

May I introduce to you my friends Rock and Hard-Place?

I am mostly miserable and hate being at home all day. But I also loathe submitting applcations for jobs.

I certainly don’t mind networking, have a sick love for interviewing, and can generally write circles around things – except when it comes to my own damn resumé. But then, my best work comes out when I’m excited about the subject matter. And instead of excited, I’m mostly annoyed, and more than a little intimidated.

I WILL NOT BE CONFINED TO TWO MEASLY PAGES!

Although I suppose I should save that particular rant for after I manage to get a single satisfying sentence down on paper.

So here I sit. Trying to devise things to do that are both satisfying, and a good way to procrastinate.

Baking and cleaning have, thus far, been completely unsatisfying. (I imagine that anything but some success in the job-hunt will have much the same result.)

But then, so has the application process.

And I seem to be fresh out of mojo.

Homebody

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So today is the first day of the rest of my life. Or something like it. In any case, last Thursday was my last day at the former job, and after a lovely long weekend, today is the first Monday in a while that I’m at home with no idea when I’ll be back at work.

Hopefully it’s sooner rather than later.

Those who know me well beyond this blog know that one of my worst nightmares is to be a “stay-at-home” anything. I don’t begrudge anyone else their choice to not work outside the home or even “work” at all in the traditional sense (because holy hell, children and some academic pursuits are serious work), but that lifestyle is certainly not for me. I really enjoy having a job, contributing to a team and creating something at the end of the day that helps an entity outside of my four walls succeed and prosper.

But I don’t have that right now. So I’ve made a list of things that, in addition to looking for something outside these walls, will make a bit of a difference inside them.

I have a friend (who will remain nameless) whose domestic partner didn’t work outside the home. While I’m not sure if he ever said these words to her, he told me that he didn’t mind bringing home the bacon, as long as she optimized her time at home to do two things:
1. Keep the house clean
2. Keep herself hot.

He figured that some quality time at the gym and with the vacuum should be easily accomplishable with the 8-10 hours/day available that she’d otherwise spend at work – and that arrangement kept him perfectly happy.

I’ve set the same standards for myself.

Now that I’m back to 100% after the jetlag fiasco, I’m going to attempt to get back to working out daily. I feel far better when I do it and have all this extra time on my hands – so no excuses.

There are a bunch of things around here that nether Neil nor I enjoy or make the effort to do: Cleaning inside and around appliances (goodbye mystery slime under the crisper drawer), cleaning out the junk drawers (goodbye four-month-old pizza receipts and dead pens), take down the outside Christmas lights (goodbye white-trash balcony), etc. There are also a bunch of things I’ve been meaning to sell (books, dvds, sporting equipment) that I couldn’t be arsed to before – I may as well do it now.

And then of course, there’s that whole “finding a new job” thing. That one will probably take up most of my time and effort, and I hope it pays off and I’m working outside my home again, long before I get to “scrub the floor behind the toilets” on my list.

On the Prowl

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No, not for a man. I’m not that old yet, and I happen to quite like the one I’ve got.

For a job.

I figured the layoff was coming – as time’s gone by the writing on the wall has become clearer and clearer and more client work has never materialized. I thought I might have more warning than I did and had put some steps in motion to start the hunt in earnest once I returned from my trip. But the boss did month-end, looked at the books, and it was the first thing I got to deal with upon returning to work Tuesday morning.

So the hunt is on.

I’ve worked mostly for small businesses, non-profits and startups. That is NOT where I want to go next. I did find that taking the risk working for them led to a lot of really great experiences taking on projects I’d have had to wait years for otherwise in larger organizations. Ultimately though, I suffered with a lack of useful direction, guidance, critique or feedback. I did get it from other sources (clients and other invested parties acknowledging the success of the work I’ve done), but rarely (sometimes never) from those signing my paycheques. Until I leave, or am laid off – when I’m finally told that “hey, you were doing a great job, I’m sure you knew that.” I even suffered the indignity once of both my direct supervisors not even acknowledging my resignation or departure. I know it’s not what the cool kids are after these days, but I want a boss.

I want to work for a company that’s proven its success through growth. Not a big government dinosaur either – I’ve also put my time in with those, but any of BC’s 50 best employers would be fantastic. I don’t want to report to the president or CEO. I’m certainly not at VP or Director level for the kind of company I want to work for. I want a company who recognizes the value of what I’ve done so far – taking some risks in my career choices and gaining some great experience along the way rather than slaving away as a cog for years, trying to “work my way up” – and is ready to take a chance on me. A pure meritocracy where my successes are celebrated, my career growth is nurtured and my mistakes are learning experiences and chances to blow their expectations out of the water (in a good way) next time.

I know these places are out there. I have to believe they are.

Without posting my entire resume online, because I’m paranoid about posting my complete work history for the internets, I’ll paste some skill summaries from it here after the jump, and perhaps if anyone in blogland knows of or works for a great company like the one I’ve detailed above, you’d be kind enough to email me (jen [at] thisdomain [dot] com) and let me know of an opportunity to apply for, or someone to chat with.

And heck, if you work for that kind of company you’re probably entitled to some sort of referral bonus as well, and I have a very good interview:job offer ratio.
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You Spin Me Right ‘Round

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Dear Client,

I know you want me to “spin” this piece a certain way. Sure, that’s what I do.

But first, let me explain this to you:

Spin means writing something in a way that accentuates the positives and downplays the negatives of your product and situation.

Spin is NOT using as many large, flowery, meaningless words as possible to confuse the audience when they hear a bunch of content that doesn’t actually say anything. It is also not talking down to them, and treating them as if they are children who “wouldn’t understand anyway.”

The ability to spin, in my experience, is not unlike the Jedi Force. It can not be learned. It must be granted, and can only be nurtured.

Oh client, the force is NOT with you.

So please, put down the weapon pen and just let me do my job.

Kisses,
-Jen

LSAT-out

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With September comes the inevitable back to school feeling in the air. And this year, like the 3 before it, I won’t be going back. The slightly more noteworthy tidbit though, is that I won’t be going back next year either.

I’ve decided that despite my not-dismal-but-also-not-very-good LSAT score from June, I’m not going to re-write at the end of September. I may use my existing mark to apply to UBC, but I likely won’t. In fact, I likely won’t go to law school at all.

It wasn’t an easy decision to make.

I’ve toyed back and forth with the idea of going to law school since I was in 5th grade. It’s been at the very very back of my mind for the better part of the 16 years since then. It only started to creep back forward last winter. And my reasons for wanting to go were less about wanting to be a Lawyer (I had decided already that I didn’t want to do firm work, I’d rather work in legal at a larger corporation) than about wanting to be a something.

I was smack in the middle of a 2.5 year stint of general life frustration. Yes I know – a lot of people call that time “their 20′s” and welcome to the club. Thanks. It didn’t change the fact that I seemed to keep hitting dead ends in my career, felt pretty disconnected from all of my married or engaged friends, hated dating, had sufered a couple badly bruised hearts from potential relationships going completely awry, and felt like I had absolutely zero reason to stay in Vancouver.

That all added up to the perfect trifecta of excuses to drop out of the “real world” for a while and leave town, in the form of post-graduate education! Law School was a cop out.

I thought it was a good one though! So I broadcast my decision loud and clear to anyone who’d listen. I AM PRE-LAW! HEAR ME ROAR!

But when it came right down to it, I didn’t – and still don’t – have the drive and interest at this point in time to buckle down and study to get the marks I’d need to do well enough on the test to get in. And then what? Another 3 years of academic mediocrity in order to get a degree that meant escape more than achievement.

Still, it’s hard to admit that I’ve changed my mind. It feels a little like giving up.

Except letting that precarious plan go means the chance to have a far more rewarding future. I’m finally in a job where I feel smart again – where I feel that my talents and experience are finally being used to their full potential. I feel challenged in a good way, instead of bashing my head against my desk in fits of futility.

And I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that being in a relationship hasn’t had some impact on the decision as well.

That’s the hardest part to tell people. I’ve always been strong and independent and Ain’t Nobody Gonna Mess With My Vibe, Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down – Oh No, etc. And I’m giving it all up… for… a guy?

Not quite.

Going back to school wasn’t a self-improvement pursuit for me as much as it was running away from my life as it was. Just leaving town for a new city for no reason seemed far too risky – going for school was far more acceptable. And truth be told, Neil would love to see me go back to school, not only because he wants me to succeed and be happy, but because he doesn’t want to be perceived at all as “that guy” who made me give up my dream.

And this is the part where I have to admit that there is a small, very small, warm glimmer of molten something inside my otherwise cold, dead, black, crusty heart. I didn’t have Ridiculously High Standards for nothing. And I think the voracity with which I took on dating, and the speed at which I would toss any number of potential suitors aside because they somehow offended my delicate sensibilities does indicate that I wouldn’t just settle for someone. In spite of myself, I seem to have stumbled into “the real deal” or whatever the kids are calling it these days.

So now, I’m not an “alone-but-not-lonely (exceptkindoflonelyanyway) single gal” anymore. And I don’t hate my job. And life is otherwise going really well right now. Sorry Law School. Three-strikes and you’re out.

Anyone want a Kaplan LSAT 2006 study program? I know where you can get one for cheap.

Jealousy Is…

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Being pulled out of a Visio-Induced Flow-Chart stupor by the cell phone, when it is the boyfriend on the other line, with the notification that that the power at his office is out, and the sun is shining and everyone is going to the beach, and could I cut out of work early and come along? and the answer is no, no I am stuck here wearing a jacket and hugging a steaming teacup in my over a/c’d office where I am currently up to my eyeballs in predefined processes and loop limits and terminators and I most certainly can not.

Dear Guy in the Office Next Door

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Hi Guy,

I don’t know your name, or what your business is. Except that it requires you to answer your cell phone. A lot.

Then take it for a wander past my office door into the hallway. Which is also adjacent to my office. And the walls? They are thin. And the door from the offices into the hallway (which – you guessed it – next to my office) chimes every. Single. Time. Someone goes through it.

Bottom line: I hear you talking. And the door chiming. All. Damn. Day.

Do you have reception problems? Because I’m guessing it’s better in your office than in the hallway. Or maybe get a better phone? Or use your office phone?

Perhaps you like the exercise? May I recommend a treadmill? Or perhaps a gym membership? I know we all like to multitask, but I promise you, your workout and your work will be far more effective if you just focus on one or the other.

What I’m saying, Guy in the Office Next Door, is maybe it’s time for you to have a nice cup up sit the hell down and shut the fuck up.

Kisses!
-Jen

And on and on

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I have yet to get a decent night’s sleep since before I left for Korea.

I have a lot of work to do as the busy Spelunking season gets fully underway.

I have a very important test to write in just under 3 weeks.

I don’t feel like I’m making progress on any of those fronts.

I feel useless and impotent.

What I really need is some sort of recharge/kickstart.

Any suggestions?

Discovery

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I have just discovered something very, VERY upsetting.

Having not used Windows 2000 for a number of years, it took a bit of getting used to at this job. But no matter. I keep plugging along on the inferior OS because I’m stoic like that.

But I just came to a startling realization: Windows 2000 does not have the functionality to act as a Remote Desktop host. This just made my plans to work from home about a frillion times less likely.

BASTAGE!

If I can’t get Windows XP up in this hizzy, I’m going to start expensing the vodka at the bottom of the filing cabinet, since I’ll be needing a LOT more of it than originally anticipated!

(Dear bosses and people who know them: I kid! No Vodka in here! I prefer Scotch….)

Perk

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54-40 T-Shirt

Originally uploaded by peechie.

At the Spelunking Club, there are a number of private events that take place.

Last night there was a “win to get in” concert and wine tasting sponsored by one of the local radio stations, and 54-40 were the feature entertainment.

Of course, I didn’t win to get in – but one of the perks of working at the Spelunking Club is that I have keys that get me nearly everywhere – including the “green room.”

Thanks for signing the t-shirt guys! And the new album (Yes to Everything) sounds pretty darned good!

Broken

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I have no internet at work.

I can’t connect to my work email at home.

My job is about to spontaneously combust.

Help.

(UPDATE: Aug. 24 5:45pm – things are finally fixed. Fscking technology.

Grind

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Back at it after a gruelling and ultimately awesome long weekend.

But not until after I stopped by my old place of employ to say hi to some of my old co-workers. The conversations went a little like this:

Former Coworkers (FC): Wow, you look fantastic! The new job must agree with you!
Me: Yah, I’m having a great time there!
FC: So do you have today off?
Me: No, I’m going to be there until kinda late tonight so I’m going in a bit later, and since I have the time I thought I’d pop in on my way.
FC: You’re on your way to work? But you’re wearing jeans and a bikini top!
Me: (smugly) Yes, yes I am.

Some days, it kicks ass to be me.

Lights, Camera, Action!

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There’s a film crew shooting a commercial at the Spelunking Club today.

From what I’ve seen of location sets, the crews seem to be pretty used to having the run of the place, and not worrying much about anyone else while they’re there. At least, that’s how this crew is acting about the club.

They’ve moved my equipment without asking, or knowing how, which could result in some serious damage. So I gave them hell. They blocked one of the main thoroughfares for club members to get to and from their… uh… caves? Anyway, I gave them hell again. And then I raided the craft services truck.

Abuse out, snacks in. I could get used to this!