Thanks to everyone who commented on the last entry. It seems clear that Ray should indeed foot the entire bill for refinishing the room.

So I had a painter in for an estimate today. The verdict: $200. Coincidentally, the exact amount of Ray’s deposit. How serendipitous. The painter didn’t even know beforehand!

So now Ray is FREAK! ING! OUT!

He just came into the living room to yell at me. Literally, yelling: “This is Bullshit!” and “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?” (you being me, of course).

Because Ray really needs that damage deposit back you know! He’s a student! He has financial difficulties! I mean, he lived for four whole months without a car before his parents bought him a new one! And the fact that I made him leave in December rather than May means that his parents didn’t have time to flip one of their properties and buy a new house in Burnaby so he’d have somewhere to live on his own, instead of renting with another roommate (seriously, that was the plan). OH THE SAD, SAD TRAGEDY!

Unfortunately, I am an unreasonable bitch who is totally unsympathetic to his plight.

You better believe I’m gonna ensure his entire deposit is taken up with refinishing that room. That, and changing the locks, because his outburst has frightened me enough that I don’t know what he may do… (UPDATE: not actually frightened for my physical safety, but I wouldn’t put it beyond him to wreck some stuff or be generally careless when he’s moving out.)

It can’t be healthy to feel this much rage toward someone. I don’t really wanna leave him here alone (see the aforementioned paragraph), but I’m also SEETHING. Anyone wanna come visit and distract me for a while in the next night or two? I promise I won’t take any of it out on you…

I just informed Ray that he’s going to have to pay for the refinishing of his room. He’s obviously not pleased about it. (Reminder of the state of Ray’s walls here.)

I’ve yet to get a painter in for an estimate, but I’ve told Ray that the cost of filling the holes and painting the room will come out of his damage deposit.

Ray has argued back that the room will be in better condition than it was when he moved in, since it didn’t have fresh paint when he arrived. Therefore, while he has no problem with covering the cost of filling the holes, he doesn’t think he should pay for the entirety of the paint job.

My argument is that had he not punched hundreds of tiny holes in the walls, the room wouldn’t need to be painted at all. And I’m certainly not going to take on the financial responsibility of painting it after he leaves, because it will have to be done eventually. There’s no way of repairing that particular damage to the point it was at when he moved in. If there was a finish called “two year old paint job” then you can be sure I’d have that put on the walls.

But really, if he broke or damaged something concrete, such as a dish, and was asked to replace it, I wonder if he’d try to amortize how long I’ve had that dish, and what condition it was in, and just give me his perceived “actual value”, instead of buying a new one to replace it?

I’m so fed up, I’m about thisclose to starting in on a very politically incorrect “Cheap and Stingy Asian Person” tirade (though I won’t…).

So what I want to know is this: Would you give Ray a break on the cost of painting, since the room wasn’t freshly painted when he moved in? Or would you stick him with the whole cost, since it wouldn’t need to be fixed if he hadn’t ruined it in the first place?

Urge… to… KILL…..

I am not going to survive the next three weeks with Ray.

He asked me this morning to buy more coffee, since we were nearly out. I hadn’t caffeinated yet, so I just nodded.

After I left, I started thinking… uhm… I’ve made about 3 pots of coffee here since he bought the last tin (I usually hit $tarbux or Timmy’s on my way out), so he can buy more coffee if he wants it.

I get home, he’s here making more stinky food. So I say “Hey, you know, I haven’t actually made much of any coffee since you bought that one. You’re the coffee drinker - just so ya know.” I also asked what was up with him leaving the glasses out on the counter. Apparently he doesn’t want to put “my stuff” away. Uh huh.

So I lost it. And he lost it back. He thinks he’s been doing the lion’s share around here (because he’s “been buying all the paper towel and toilet paper.. but who’s keeping track”) and I think we’ve come to terms witht he fact that we do not like living with eachother.

I am seriously contemplating leaping on the “keeping track” bandwagon and calculating how much he owes of the $62 in overages due on the hydro since he moved in, or the tiny things he’s demanded get fixed or adjusted to his needs (the outlet in the bathroom for one), or how about some usage amortization on the cutlery, dishes, appliances, pots and pans of mine he uses, or maybe labour for cleaning the bathroom, since I’m the only one who does that too.

I can’t wait to tell him about having his room painted, just to see him blow up again!

Also, it’s been about 20 minutes since I originally posted this, and my heart is still all thumpity thumping with righteous indignation!

Update: I posted this around 5pm, and am re-reading at at 11:30pm. Holy Hannah I’m an uppity brat! Ah well. All the more reason not to inflict myself on others. And for the record, Ray did apologize to me after he came home from the gym. So I still win.

There are some fun people that work for the Spelunking Club.

My Gay-dar is really broken.

At least I’m adorable. And kickass. And also gorgeous. And it is baffling and strange that I am not married yet. You heard it here first people - I’m a hot commodity, so get it while the gettin’s good!

I can still bring it at 5 pin bowling. Not sure if the booze helped or hindered the effort.

Creative use of nuts is highly entertaining after many drinks. I strongly suspect it would be just as amusing stone-cold sober.

Speaking of booze, I keep surprising myself with just how much I can consume and stay vertical.

No matter how well I pace myself, 11 hours of lunch-turned-pub-crawl is about my max.

Despite the 11-hour bender, I’m surprisingly un-hungover today. Fingers crossed it stays that way.

And I got the most beautiful phone call in the middle of it all… Ray found a new home!

I don’t really have much of anything to say. I’ve been busy at work tying everything up before I make it a long weekend and scamper off to a wintry wonderland for some much needed R & R. This will mark the first time since June that I’ve spent more than 1 full day away from work without even checking in for messages. I am simultaneously giddy, and freaked the hell out that something will go very wrong at some point.

Ray did something really weird that I haven’t had a chance to ask him about yet: When he empties the dishwasher, he leaves stuff on the counter if he’s not sure where it goes. Like the Roasting Pan. Or the Salad Spinner. That’s cool. This time he left a bunch of glasses and cutlery out on the counter as well. I haven’t put it away. It’s been out for 2 days. I know he knows where it goes. I don’t get it. Is this a hint that I should be putting those things away myself? Because putting his stinky-ass dishes into the dishwasher isn’t enough work? As if LIVING WITH HIM isn’t enough work? Oy.

And something else that really annoys me? When people use the phrase “assless chaps.” Chaps, are by their nature, assless. If they had asses, they’d be PANTS.

Happy Weekend!

This is a picture of Ray’s room. Click on the photos for links to Flickr complete with notes explaining the bizarreness of it all.

Ray is obsessed with America.

If America were a woman, Ray would want her to tie him down, spank him, and call him her bitch. Or, as he likes to say it, he wants to be the next Tom Brokaw

And to Ray I say “good luck - and work on that stutter.” Then again, Ray also told me he voted Conservative in the last election, because the Liberals needed to be “punished” for the sponsorship scandal. I asked him why not vote NDP, and he looked like he might throw up at the mere mention of the word. So I’m sure American media will welcome him with open arms.

Ray’s manifesto is Brokaw’s autobiography. Since Brokaw claims boned up on politics by reading the biographies of every president, that’s what Ray’s doing. The pages you see lining the upper walls are tear-sheets of every American President in history. He’s also got multiple maps (all of the same country of course - because the rest of the world doesn’t actully matter) around his room with post-it flags on them denoting the locations of things he thinks are important, or newsworthy or whatever.

Of course, I’m not sure what newsworthy means in his world - because while he may know presidents, he’s not exactly up on politics. I uttered the phrase “fiscally conservative” and he asked me to explain it. fiscal = financial, conservative = conservative. His follow-up to that? But don’t the Conservatives want to cut taxes? Oy. conservative != Conservative there champ. Then again, it’s that kind of ignorance that keeps Fox News running, so again - bully for him!

So Ray spends his days sitting at his “Command Centre” (that’s what his calls his desk setup), reading his homework scripts, and flipping between Fox News, Bloomberg, MSNBC, BBC, and back to Fox News.

I thought his whole obsession was just odd, and didn’t really think much about it. But now that he’s leaving, it’s going to be a fiscal issue for him. Each piece of paper on his walls (go ahead, scroll up and take a look at it again… I’ll wait… finished? moving on…) is held there with four pushpins. You can see them pretty clearly in the full-size of the closet picture - he’s used black ones on the Clinton/Bush wall.

Now imagine, his 9×11 foot room is COVERED in these push-pin holes. One or two isn’t a big deal, but a whole room-worth? That’ll need to be filled and sanded before it can be painted over. And I’m sure as hell not doing it, or paying for it when it’s time for me to move out and reclaim my deposit. I’m guessing Ray might ask if he could do it himself, but he can’t operate dishwasher detergent, so I don’t think home renovation is a good step for him.

He already asked me how much he paid as a damage deposit, so I doubt he’ll be pleased to know he’s not getting all of it back. I wonder how much of a freakout I’ll have to endure over this one, or if my “unreasonable” status will be upgraded…

I present to you, yet another thing that drives me INSANE about Ray, which also proves that my intolerance is so inflated that I’m just not fit to live with other people in general.

Ray eats stinky food.

I don’t know if I ever mentioned (because it doesn’t really matter) but Ray’s Korean. When he first moved in, he asked if I cooked much, and what I ate. He then said that he’s not a very good cook (duh) and eats mostly western food.

And indeed he did. He subsisted through most of June, July and August on Pizza Pops, Mini Pizzas, Mr. Noodles, KD and Sandwiches. And the occasional container of takeout. There was even a point in time where Ray spent a few days at his parents house, and when he came back, he apologised for smelling like Korean Food, and promptly laundered and febreezed everything he had with him.

But now that Ray has been consumed with schoolwork since the beginning of September, his all-chemical diet has ceased to suffice. And since he still can’t cook for himself, this means his mom has started supplying him with her cooking, 3 days at a time.

And it’s all Korean Food.

Which means it smells like Garlic and Cabbage. That has been refrigerated for 3 days. Then microwaved.

Not that I’m opposed to Korean food in general (I love me a good bi bim bap) - however if I wanted to live in a Korean restaurant, I would. I don’t.

But what am I going to do? Say “dude, your food stinks - stop eating!” ? The fridge has pounds baking soda in it - still smells. The dishes are rinsed out and go in the dishwasher pretty much right away - still smells. I’m boiling lemon water in the microwave weekly - still smells.

Seriously, what would you do? I’ve waited this long - I’m tempted to just wait it out till he’s gone, and invest in a heavy steam cleaning and lots of febreeze. But if you’ve got any other suggestions, bring em on!

I think I’ve figured out how to put up with the next 6 weeks of Surly Ray.

Stay Drunk.

For his surliness is only going to increase over the next few weeks, as he tries to study for term exams & find a new home. And especially when I tell him that he’s going to lose part of his damage deposit due to the thousands of push-pin holes in his walls as a side-effect of “the obsession.”

I’m going to leave it at that for now - but expect “the obsession” as an upcoming Ray-ism! I just need to be home alone long enough to execute some stealth photography…

Time for another Ray-ism. Do we remember Ray’s reluctance to downsize to one garbage can in the bathroom? Well his bizarre inability to deal with such things has now transferred to the Brita.

I’ve had a 1.5L Brita pitcher for a long time - I purchased it when I first moved out on my own, and it’s been adequate for my H₂O needs thus far. Once Ray moved in, the fridge started to contain both the small Brita, and usually 10-12 500ml bottles of whatever bottled water Ray was drinking that week. (You know, cycling through his earthquake supply, so the water doesn’t get stale…)

About a month ago, the small army of water bottles faded away, and Ray came home with the 5L Brita Behemoth, because we’re “going through a lot of water.” Fair enough. I can understand that. I take my wee Brita, clean it out, and put it away.

Well when I came home yesterday, my wee Brita was sitting on the counter with a note and a piece of cut-out newspaper attached to it. Ray was home, so before I got to read much, he leapt right in with it:

Ray: H-h-h-he-hey Jen
Self: Hi Ray. What’s up?
Ray: Hey, would you mind using your own water jug from now on?
Self: Uhm, ooooo-kaaaaaaaaaay?
Ray: It’s just that, well, I go through a LOT of water. I mean, I fill a bottle I take to school, and I make coffee, and then I drink a lot when I get home… I just need the whole thing to myself.
Self: Uh huh.
Ray: I’m not trying to be difficult or anything - it’s just the realities of my water consumption. And hey, I taped a bunny on your jug with my note! You know, to be friendly!
Self: (Looks closer, and sees that he indeed cut out a bunny from a telus ad and taped it to the front of the pitcher with his note.) Sure Ray. I’ll pick up another filter when I go grocery shopping this week, and get my pitcher going. In the meantime, how about I just use yours, and refill it after I take water out of it. You know, the way the thing was intended to work?
Ray: Ok, sure, that’s fine, thanks for understanding! (totally impervious to the sarcasm that just ricocheted off his thick skull)

I should note here that having lived with wee Brita for so many years, I’m in the habit of filling it every time I pour a glass of water, and that behaviour transferred to Brita Behemoth. Ray’s lack of water is solely due to his own inability to manage the Brita refilling requirements.

It’s a damn good thing he’s outta here soon.

Update: (5:48pm) So he was looking at options for the end of December, and I was informed yesterday that the end of December thing wasn’t working out. I told him in no uncertain terms that was too damn bad, and he is definitely out as of Dec. 31. I was just called “unreasonable.” HAH.

I’m getting a little nervous about the State of the Union in my home.

I’m losing faith that Ray will actually be making his exodus at the end of 2005 instead of mid-2006.

He was planning on moving in with a friend of his, but that fell through. Apparently the friend was “asking too much in rent.” Despite the setback, it seems like Ray is really trying to find a place ASAP. He made another “respectful request” the other day, and asked if I would mind passing on any listings I found for places to live, since he’s only got so many hours in a day.

I was happy to oblige, until I heard his criteria, which demonstrate just how out of touch with reality he actually is.

Ray wants:
- 1 bedroom
- laundry included
- preferably utilities included
- in the North/Central Burnaby (BCIT) area
- FOR FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS A MONTH! He’ll “consider” paying up to $600 if it’s a “kickass” place.

For those not familiar with the area, a $600/mo place will be bottom of the barrel. One bedroom basement suites typically start around $675, apartments around $750 and two bedroom places are usually upwards of $900 before utilities. With SFU and BCIT so near by, and with such great proximity to Vancouver, rental vacancies are hot commodities and aren’t going to be going down in price any time soon.

I think I may need to take the hard line, and make it official that Ray goes at the end of the year, and wish him and his crazy expectations lots of luck.

It seems that Ray is planning for an end of December move - all of his own accord!

Of course, that means I am still priveleged to another 10 -ish weeks of gems like these:

Ray: H-h-h-hey Jen?
Me: What’s up Ray?
Ray: Are you Earthquake Ready?
Me: Uh? No. I don’t tend to think about it that much, why?
Ray: We’re in for the “big one” you know! Things are happening! I was listening to this guy on the news - he speaks the truth! Well, he’s fear-mongering a bit, but he’s fear-mongering from a place of truth! You need water for 3 days….
Me: (has stopped listening at this point, and am thinking about what a great blog entry thig is going to make)

I think I might actually miss him a little. He’ll make a great FOX News reporter someday!

This, my friends, is the way things should be.

Sitting in a nice, quiet apartment with laundry going, a glass of wine in hand (and about half the bottle on the counter waiting to be consumed), tapping on the laptop in front of the TV.

In my underwear.

ALONE.

(except for that crazy cat of course).

I have made the decision that Ray is going to GO. Of course, I haven’t told him yet. I’d rather he sneak off into the night ASAP (the thought of spending Christmas vacation at home with him around makes me want to cry). When he moved in I said that barring any unforseen circumstances, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere or kicking him out until after the school year.

But what do you do when things are just NOT. WORKING. OUT?

I’m sure it’s much more of a “not him it’s me” thing - but having him (or anyone) around in my home besides my own self right now is just enough to make me not want to be there. And that ain’t right yo!

So, the dilemma is this: do I give him a January 1 out date (he’ll be on winter break from school at that time) with the option to move his stuff out up until the 7th so he doesn’t have to deal with moving all in one day, or do I give him March 15 as an absolute out date (he’ll be on spring break from school that week) -because I am certainly NOT living with him any longer than that.

This still falls in with my “living alone by spring” plan - I’m just going to live alone exactly where I am instead of moving somewhere else. Displacing one roommate in the process.

I honestly wasn’t thinking about staying in my present quarters until I started looking around at what I could get for what my apartment is currently renting at on its own. Basically I could get something older, uglier, and with 1 less bedroom in Mount Pleasant for what I’m paying for 2 bedrooms in North Burnaby. And my landlord is re-doing the bathroom in the not-so-distant future. I have secure parking, a huge balcony, and a great neighbourhood. And I can turn that 2nd bedroom into a guest/dressing/computer/music/etc. room.

So the if has been decided - now it’s just a matter of how and when.

Which date would you suggest I give Ray for the “get the hell outta my house!” deadline? Keeping in mind that my bank account would appreciate, but doesn’t NEED the extra income, and kicking him out in the middle of the school year is a bitchy thing to do.

Also, if you’re bored, give me some fun and exciting ways to deliver the news - remember, his level of Polyanna syndrome is freakishly high - the goal here is to BREAK him entirely (a difficult thing to do).

UPDATE: (October 23, 2:14pm) The news has been broken. I gave him the March date, since winter is a shitty time to move. And it leaves me financially open to some other endeavors. He still has the option to (with notice) leave sooner. And as fun as it was to read everyone’s suggestions, I was of course a decent human being about it all.

Preamble: Ever since Ray moved in, we’ve had two garbage cans in the bathroom. It honestly just offended some delicate sensitiblity I hold, so today I made the move, and took one away. The following exchange commenced once Ray noticed:

Ray: So uh… Jen… I was just in the uh… bathroom…
Self: And?
Self thinking: please don’t tell me you just defiled it, I don’t wanna know
Ray: CAN WE PLEEEEASE HAVE TWO GARBAGE CANS!?!?!?
Self: Why?
Self thinking: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?
Ray: Well we’re two people!
Self: And?
Self thinking: DUH!
Ray: Well we’ll produce two people’s worth of garbage!
Self: So?
Self thinking: IDIOT!
Ray: Well we’ll have to change that garbage like, every three days!
Self: So?
Self thinking: You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
Ray: Well… well…. well….
Self: I’ll change the garbage then, if it’s that much of an issue for you.
Self thinking: For someone who’s seemingly so concerned with personal hygiene, you want to keep bathroom garbage around twice as long? Curiouser and curiouser….
Ray: (defeated) okaaaaaay….
Self thinking: winner!

New Category: goofy things my roommate says/asks that make me think he really HAS been living under a rock for a very long time.

Today’s Ray-ism:

Jen? If I want to make eggs, like, sunny side up, how do you do that?

Things have settled in now, and I thought it was worth mentioning that I’ve actually grown quite fond of my roommate. While he’s still kinda nutso, it’s an endearing kinda nutso. My kinda nutso.

A few recent incidents that make me smile:

•When he was loading the dishwasher, he asked me to help him with the detergent cap, stating “Uh, Jen? How do you open this? I think it’s Ray-Proof!”

•When he was leaving town to go to a stag, I said “Have fun!” and he answered “Oh I’m sure I will! I’m so conservative, and the guys I’m going with are really pretty crazy - they draw me out of my comfort zone a little and I get to experience I lot of stuff I wouldn’t have the balls to try on my own.”

•I’d been hoping a finicky belt on my car would last through the weekend - it didn’t. So my car was towed to a shop in Coquitlam (about a 20 minute car-ride, or 45 minute bus trip away), because BCAA only covers tows up to 5k or to the closest shop. I had to drop off the keys & sign the paperwork for it to be fixed this morning, and he not only drove me out there, but waited around for 20 minutes while I talked with the shop guy, and drove me back home.

Snaps for Ray everyone! I think he’s a keeper!