Cruise Ship Passengers
Make the worst airplane seatmates
DEPLANE ALREADY

Return home to find
My plants all look dead, again.
Hubby can’t water

The dog smells real bad
But it’s still so very nice
To be home with her

Houston is a place
I could be very happy
Never to return

So good to be home
Unfortunately Next Week
I’m away again

Oh Orlando. City of sunshine, swamps and serious mediocrity. Where every meal is a different flavor of Denny’s and the monotony of flat, mushy landscape is only interrupted by yet another timeshare or theme park.

The one upside to being stuck in Orlando for fourteen entire days is that Neil flew down for the weekend, and we got to experience a few of the Disney parks: Animal Kingdom, Epcot and Typhoon Lagoon.

Having a family and social circle completely devoid of people between the ages of 3-13, it’s been a VERY long time since I’ve paid attention to anything coming out of the Disney franchise. I do have extremely fond memories of going to Disneyland in California in 1994, and considering I was a surly teenager and went out of my way to ensure I wouldn’t have fond memories of anything, my return visit to Disney had a lot to live up to.

And oh how Animal Kingdom delivered! The immersion experience of feeling like one is in a “place” that is anywhere other than the everyday is in full-effect in this park. The staff cast have been fully brainwashed into being exceedingly friendly and helpful without being annoying, and the rides and shows are top-notch. The park isn’t as ride-intensive as the Magic Kingdom, so I felt like I really had a great experience for the one day we spent there.

The Typhoon Lagoon waterpark was also very well done as far as water-parks go. MASSIVE waves in the wave-pool, fun slides and the popular lazy-river of innertubes circling the park. A great place to beat the heat for the day. Complete with slushy, alcoholic drinks readily available.

It all makes me wonder, what the hell happened to Epcot?

I know when Epcot was built, it was supposed to be all “futuristic” and whatnot, but what was probably designed for futuristic minimalism just turned out to be awfully barren and desolate between the pavillions. I did not feel like I was somewhere special.

But even that wasn’t so bad when compared to the advertising.

Now I know that any Disney experience is an exercise in absorbing advertising in and of itself. But Epcot pushes it a step further with entire attractions and pavillions sponsored by big-ticket advertisors who don’t want you to forget it!

The “Honey I Shrunk the Audience” 3D show was preceeded by a full 10-minute video by Kodak urging us all to “take more pictures” because “pictures trigger memories” (note: Neil and I didn’t actually bring a camera to any of our Disney experience, preferring just to enjoy, rather than document). After the attraction, the audience was shunted through to a Kodak store, where everyone can take photos and purchase cameras, memory, batteries, etc.

Same story with the Test Track ride – sponsored by GM, everyone is subjected to a video about how GM has innovated testing to make your car safe, then the fun roller-coaster-ride bit, then the audience exits first through a full GM Showroom (complete with window-stickers showing features and MSRP info) then the Test Track store where you can buy a model hummer or T-shirt with a hummer on it, or 12 different kinds of GM/Disney antenna balls.

And it goes on and on. The Coca Cola Cool Zone. HP’s Mission: Space. The Nestle Food Scientists presenting Living with the Land. Siemens’ IllumiNations fireworks show at the end of the night (complete with Laser images and gobos of the Siemens logo projected everywhere).

As far as I’m aware, Disney isn’t in any danger of going broke, and those attractions could certainly be “made possible” without the “generous grants” from the title sponsors. I expect that of the local $11/day admission PNE, not the $67/day admission Disney. For that amount of cash, I expect to be impressed and at Epcot, I just wasn’t. At all.

I think Walt would actually sigh and roll over in his cryogenic container if he were re-animated to see what had happened to Epcot.

One of the special programs you can sign up for at Disney is to dine with one of their Imagineers – something I’d love to do if/when I return to the parks. With products like the original Magic Kingdom, and the new Animal Kingdom, I’m fascinated with how their team dynamics work, bringing together the expertise to create experiences that make even me not mind the fact that I’m in a fenced-in area with thousands of other people’s children.

If I manage to have a chat with an Imagineer in the future, I now have another question to add to my list: what on earth prompted your talented team to just abandon Epcot, and make the fatal mistake of leaving the entire park in the hands of marketing and sponsorship revenue?

Part One Here.

Outside of Marrakech, most of the rest of the country was kindof a blur. We caught many of the highlights: The palace in Rabat (no photos allowed), The art deco and impressive Hassan II Mosque in Casablanca, the incredible souks of Fes, the dunes of Erg Chebbi and more Kasbahs than I can actually remember.

Our entire time there, though, there was one overarching feeling – you’re not really welcome here, but your money is, so hand it over and kindly piss off. It’s probably partly because we had our experience orchestrated through a travel agency (we’d booked through GAP Adventures, who then sub-contract to local agencies in Morocco), but we were shuttled from tourist trap to tourist trap, and probably spent a lot more on the trip (especially food) than was really necessary. We did expect to pay the tourist tax though, so we weren’t too surprised and didn’t kick up much of a fuss.

We were also prepared for beggars and scammers, and I actually got kindof used to small children grabbing my back pants pockets in crowded areas feeling for a wallet. And we even realized that sometimes it’s helpful to give a kid a few dirhams once we’d given up trying to navigate our way back to our riad from the middle of the souks. What I wasn’t prepared for was the dressing down by teenaged boys for not giving them enough money for essentially nothing.

I’m sure it’s not uncommon, but there seemed to be very little knowledge of what the value of a dollar (or in their case Euro as the conversion currency of choice) really is for the average person. There is just a sense of “you have money and I don’t, so hand some over.” We were berated and abused more than once for not handing over the equivalent of about 20 Euros (at least) for anything from pointing us in the right direction, to vehemently insisting Neil have a seat on a rickety stool while waiting outside a Hammam for me – then not letting Neil leave without handing over money in repayment for a seat he didn’t want or need in the first place.

Things may be different in smaller towns, but the residual bitterness the Moroccans we met still have from the French and Spanish occupation, as well as the current disdain for white tourists of any sort makes me think aiming for 10,000 tourists/year by 2010 might just backfire.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a beautiful country, and I’m still really, really glad we went. We did meet some lovely people during our time there who were pleased and proud to share their culture, heritage and country with us – they just seemed to be the exception rather than the rule.

I’ve got some really great and really fond memories of the place – but I also know that with a whole world out there to explore, I didn’t fall in love with it and I’ll probably never go back. And that’s a bit of a strange feeling to have.

If you’re following my facebook or twitter (the line between the two is increasingly blurring these days), you might have seen that I posted about finally uploading the honeymoon photos. After sorting through 10 gigs of pictures, I think I managed to put a pretty good selection on flickr.

I was going to attempt to pull a Darren Barefoot and share no more than my favorite three – but I couldn’t narrow it down quite that far. I’ve managed to cull it down to (in my opinion) the best seven, spread across two blog posts. And I’ll try to share some of the more poignant and less boring memories of the trip between them.

Of the four major cities in Morocco we visited (Marrakech, Casablanca, Rabat, Fes), Marrakech was where we spent the most time (5 nights) and became far and away our favorite (and where we ended up chowing down on the most exotic edibles during our time in the country – including a roast mutton head. The verdict: tasty, but less meat than I’d have thought). True to form, the Marrakchis are some of the most laid back and welcoming people we found in Morocco, and it was where we felt most welcome.

We also fell in love with the Djeema El Fna – a gigantic square of storytellers, snake charmers, hustlers, juice sellers, food stalls and more. It’s not so much that the square itself is remarkable – you can find similar fare in markets all over the world – but this one has been carrying on, almost exactly the same as it always has been, for thousands of years. It’s not something that was put together for tourists, it just is.

You can see it in the way the biggest crowds always amass around the storytellers. We’d heard a great deal about the fabled storytellers of Morocco – how their stories weave two or three plotlines together, but stop just short of actually reaching, or even implying a conclusion: that’s the job of the audience.

We’d read translations of a few stories, both before and during our trip, but not knowing any Arabic, we couldn’t possibly understand what crazy and convoluted circumstances the grizzled old man was weaving together at the center of the circle in the middle of the plaza. But judging from the animated way he made faces, intonated his voice, wrapped his body around his words and absolutely captivated the audience of 20 or so men gathered around him – it had to have been something good.

And this was just one of the more subtle reminders to us, as tourists, that “this is not for you, you do not belong.”

Honeymoon is over, still like being married.

I got a whopping 15 hours in Vancouver before flying out again, am now in Orlando, jetlagged to hell with the end trailings of a migrane. At least I’m the only girl on this trip, so I have a hotel room to myself!

I make it back to Vancouver on Wednesday afternoon, sleep in my own bed that night, head to Semiahmoo after work on Thursday for a night there, then back home on Friday, then fly to Vegas for a week on Saturday.

Assuming I survive into May, that’s when you can expect the honeymoon stories and pictures to appear!

Hasta Luego.

Apparently I need to write this quickly, since Neil doesn’t want to pay for more than 30 minutes of Internet. Great, I got myself a cheap husband (kidding!) (mostly).

Thankfully, this particular internet cafe has the option available to change the keyboard from French to English layout, so typing will be much faster than last time.

Unfortunately, thanks to an influx of sand and bad wine (oh those Moroccans, so proud of their awful, AWFUL wine), my brain isn’t actually that fast, so I don’t have anything particularly poignant to say about the latter half of the Morocco part of the trip.

But I’ll share a short adventure tale:

After we left Fes (getting there from Marrakech via Casablanca and Rabat for those playing along at home) we made our way south to Merzouga to embark on our overnight camel trek.

Unfortunately we got a full-on Saharan sandstorm instead.

But the itinerary must be adhered to!

So picture this: complete beige-out conditions, we’ve got about 3m visibility in any given direction, and sand is blowing into the vehicle through any possible entry-point (air vents, window cracks, door jambs, etc.). Mini-dunes are building up on the road behind any available obstacles: rocks, trees, uneven pavement, abandoned vehicles – the mini-dunes are anywhere from a couple inches to a full two feet high. Palm trees and concrete power poles are toppling in the powerful winds.

And we’re carreening through this, over the tiny dunes, around the fallen trees, past frightened camels.

At 100km/h.

To say we were relieved to finally reach the resorts at the dunes is perhaps the biggest understatement I’ve ever made.

Needless to say we did not embark on the camels that evening.

The tour company did pull through though, and arranged for a suite in one of the nicest kasbahs in the area to wait out the storm. Typically they (the storms, not the Kasbahs) die out overnight and don’t start up again until the next afternoon.

So we whiled away the hours hiding from the sand and drinking Moroccan beer (marginally better than Heineken, but MUCH better than the wine) before we fell asleep.

And the desert sands lived up to the promise: the wind was gone at 5:00am and we headed out to catch the sun rising over Algeria from the Dunes of Erg Chebbi.

It was exactly as impressive as you’d think.

Unfortunately, I can’t share a picture right now, because USB connections, card readers or cd burning seem pretty nonexistent in this neck of the woods. But trust me, it was pretty awesome.

(Oh god – the person across the aisle in this internet cafe is blasting Fergie: must finish quick and run far, far away.)

After Merzouga we went to Ouarzazate, then back to Marrakech (our favourite city in Morocco so far). Tomorrow night we take the night train (Marrakech Express) to Tangier, then a ferry to Algeciras, rent a car and drive for a couple hours into the middle of nowhere (Gaucin) and just chill out for a week.

Hopefully the internet situation in Spain is a bit more favourable.

Hasta Luego!

Greetings from Fès!

Hqve you ever touch)typed on q FrenchùQrqbic keyboqrd§ It co,es out so,ething like this:::

(Have you ever touch-typed on a French/Arabic keyboard? It comes out something like this…)

Anyhow, Morocco is amazing so far. It was really hard to feel comfortable at first, and we’re still pushed heavily toward tourist traps most of the time, but we’re slowly getting the hang of the country.

Average temperatures have been 28-32 degrees celsius, which is perfect (though still damn hot when wandering around outside). There’s no AC, but the stone and plaster architecture keeps it very comfortable indoors or in the narrow streets of the medinas.

Interesting tidbits:

The country is COVERED in cats. Seriously. It’s because Arabs consider them to be very clean as far as animals go, and they keep the mice down (there’s really a lot of garbage everywhere – seems this ancient society still hasn’t figured out what to do with their water bottles and snickers wrappers). But yes, cats everywhere.

The food is amazing. There only seem to be three major dishes: tajines, pastilles, and couscous. All three come in beef, chicken, lamb, seafood or vegetarian. And thanks to very strong traditions of Moroccan hospitality, we’re fed a LOT of all three at nearly every meal. When we come home 20kg heavier, you’ll know why.

Driving is an adventure and lines & signs on the road are merely suggestions. Throw in kamikaze scooters, fearless pedestrians, countless horse-, donkey- and hand-carts (not to mention an abundance of random herds of sheep, goats and cattle), well we’re just very glad we have a driver, instead of attempting to navigate the roads ourselves. Inshallah (God willing) we’ll make it home safe and sound.

There is no experience in the West quite like the traditional Moroccan hammam. If you had any modesty or inhibitions (or nipples) before this process, you won’t by the time you’re done.

Anyhow, internet has been spotty to say the least, but we’ll try another update in a week or so and report on the desert and our camel camping trip. And of course we’re journalling the rest of the trip to share (with photos) when we’re home.

Bon Soir!

Hi there. How are you? I’m okay! (Sometimes I forget people I don’t talk to often, or ever, read this and then think I have dropped off the face of the planet from anger or illness or both – hi mom!). I really am okay though. Wedding planning is still on track, and while I’ve had a sore throat for most of the week, I’m otherwise fine and well (and have been duly swabbed to check for strep, etc. – results in on Monday).

So, with that bit of housekeeping aside, the next major project Neil and I are tackling on the wedding/honeymoon front is getting our honeymoon luggage and supplies all sorted out. Because we won’t actually be in any one place more than 2 nights (except for a few days toward the end of our trip) and would like to fly with carry-on luggage only, we’re going to backpack.

Everything we’ve seen recommends a pack no more than 30L in size, so it doesn’t require an inflexible internal frame and can be shoved under a plane seat or in a train luggage compartment or carried on a bus. I also just like the idea of traveling light.

So, after consulting a few sources (mostly travelindependent.info and the packing list from On the Road with This Fish), here’s the plan so far (and this is just mine – Neil’s will be similar, and obviously we won’t each carry a camera and laptop…):

Clothes (Avg. temps will be in the low-mid 20′s Celsius)
1 long-sleeve shirt
3 short sleeve shirts
1 button-down shirt
1 cardigan
1 pair of “convertible” pants (legs zip off into shorts – they dry quickly and are comfortable)
1 pair of Tilley pants
1 pair of linen pants
PJ’s
3 pair of overnight-dry socks
3 pair of overnight-dry underwear
2 bras
Comfortable walking shoes (I’m thinking Ecco)
Flip Flops
Light Fleece pullover
Swimsuit
Tilley Hat

I figure if I want anything fancier, I’ll buy stuff there. We have mostly adventure-ish and relaxation-based activities planned, so i can’t see bringing nicer shoes or a dress/skirt at all.

Handy Stuff
Sewing Kit with safety pins
LED Headlamp
Travel sheets of in-sink laundry detergent
Clothes line
Ear plugs
Sleep mask
Antibacterial hand wipes
Pocket pack tissues
Microfibre travel towel
Fold-flat water bottle

Electronics
XO Laptop and charger
Cell phone and charger
Plug Adapters
Camera and charger
Gorillapod Tripod
Spare SD memory cards
iPod and charger

First-Aid Stuff
Band-Aids
Mole Skin
Neosporin
Assorted Pharmaceuticals (Pepto, Imodium, Advil, cold medicine, sleep aid)

Toiletries
Hand lotion
Deodorant
Chapstick
Facewash, etc.
Travel make-up palate
Body soap
Toothpaste/toothbrush
Dental floss
Shampoo/Conditioner
Hair Brush & Elastics

Practical Stuff
Passport
Local & International Driving permits
Travel & Medical insurance coverage info
Money belt
Credit & Debit cards (we’ve been burned by cards being canceled in foreign countries before – so we plan on taking 2 credit cards and one debit card in each of our names, so if one is canceled we still have a backup)
Copies of passport and financial info
shoulder bag/daypack

Anything you can see that we’re missing, that you wouldn’t go without? Or anything I’ve listed that you’d just leave home?

It might be less of a hassle.

This is what happens when an airline British Airways flies codeshare with goes out of business.

You lose your pretty good rate one stop flights (transfer airlines at Heathrow) and, if you’re unwilling to add 2 more stops and $700 per person, get this instead:

March 31
Depart YVR 15:05

April 1
Arrive LGW 10:10 (after a touchdown in Belfast)
Depart LHR 19:15 (after the lovely Gatwick-Heathrow bus journey)
Arrive BCN 22:15

Scratch that, the travel agent is a fucking idiot (when I called her on the fact that “the dates on these itineraries you sent me don’t match up” she told me I was wrong and she just typed the wrong thing – turns out I was right) and had to change everything, again.

Depart LGW 14:45 (at least there’s no bus ride)
Arrive MAD 18:10 (and overnight in Madrid)

April 2
Depart BCN 00:10
Arrive RAK 00:30
Depart MAD 10:30
Arrive CMN 10:05
Depart CMN 12:00
Arrive RAK 12:40

Hope GAP Adventures will change the first part of our tour, because we’ve now missed Day 1. Recover from that ordeal and enjoy our North African/Spanish Adventure just in time for:

April 18
Depart AGP 22:15
Arrive MAD 23:20 (figure out a place to sleep or party in Madrid)
Stay somewhere near the Malaga Airport

April 19
depart AGP 07:00
Arrive LHR 08:25 (and bus back to Gatwick – hooray!)
Depart MAD 07:35
Arrive LGW 09:15
Depart LGW 13:20
Arrive YVR 15:25

If things get fucked up again, I swear some heads are gonna roll. I’d just take the damn refund and rebook the flights ourselves if I hadn’t already looked and seen for myself that anything with a reasonable itinerary and arrival/departure schedule is at least $1500 more for the two of us.

I am just hoping that between the fact that it’s our honeymoon, and this atrocious itinerary, we’ll get some sort of upgrade!

And guess who gets to be in Orlando for work on April 20th? Oh yes, that’d be me! But damned if I’m not stopping home for at least 5 minutes first!!! Sheesh!

I’m flying solo this week as Neil jets off to the exotic plains of Columbus, Ohio.

I suppose it’s only fair he finally gets his own trip – after all, I’ve been to New York and Las Vegas while he’s stayed behind, holding down the fort.

What I think is completely unfair however, is that he’s going to Columbus (home of the Bluejackets and the Buckeyes and not much else) and gets a celebrity sighting out of it, while I went to Vegas (twice!) and NYC and only managed to get hassled by the mob.

Apparently Currie Graham was catching the United flight from YVR to O’Hare at 8am today.

Then again, I’m mostly useless at actually recognizing celebrities while out and about anyhow.

It only hit me about 45 minutes after the fact that I stood next to Mario Cantone in line at Cafe Artigiano on Hornby one day. And Neil was the one who pointed out I was sitting a mere two empty stools away from Peter Gallagher at Tojo’s Omakase Bar last month.

All this in spite of the fact that I’m the TV watcher in the relationship, while his nose is usually buried in a book or his laptop on the couch next to me.

So I was probably standing next to Paris Hilton in the towel line at the Mandalay Bay pool and just didn’t notice…

Neil and I went to the Canucks game tonight – my first attendance at GM Place of the season – to watch them take on the Edmonton Oilers.

The game was unremarkable. Mediocre hockey at its finest. The game was 0-0 (pet peeve of mine – calling a game “scoreless.” There is a score: it is 0-0) through all 3 periods and the 5 minute overtime. The Canucks finally lost in the 3rd shot of the shootout.

What *was* remarkable though, was seeing Greg Neufeld (2nd from the right in the photo), Canadian Idol 2006 and 2007 top 10 contestant as a fellow game attendee. The remarkable part wasn’t seeing him there – after all he is a local boy – the remarkable part was how freaking SHORT he is!

After watching the Idol series and seeing him practically tower over nearly everyone else on stage, it was highly disconcerting to walk past him and see that he’s at least an inch or two shorter than Neil (who is 5’10 and a tiny bit – and I have been explicitly told that I must include the “tiny bit” which is very important!).

But I was seriously expecting Neufeld to ring in around at least 6 feet. Apparently not so.

Anyhow, Greg, in case you google yourself (or if you know Greg and/or google him): you still rock the casbah, even though your stature is somewhat diminished from what I expected. I still think you should have won and your voice is like buttah and if you actually become as famous as you deserve (and therefore completely unreachable to a commoner such as myself) I will bump John Cusak from top spot on my laminated list (he’s getting a bit long in the tooth now anyhow).

And now I must go start researching other TV personality and assorted celebrity heights. Next thing you’re going to tell me Tom Cruise is only 5 feet tall.

Oh wait….