Category Archives: Is Crazy Contagious?

Driving Miss Daisy

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My life has been consumed by wanderlust. If anyone needs a ride somewhere in the next little while, I’m still excited enough about being able to actually GO PLACES with relative EASE AND COMFORT that I’ll probably take you almost anywhere for the low, low price of gas.

Yes, I know that with the price of gas these days the skytrain is probably cheaper – but my car has a trunk, does not smell like feet, and the only scary person you need to sit next to is me.

One of the more amusing side effects of driving instead of taking transit is that I now have to adjust my ideas of how long it takes to get anywhere. Things that used to be an hour away are now 20 minutes. anything that took 30 minutes now takes about 5. It’s really fairly perplexing, and means that I’m freakishly early for EVERYTHING. So my already obscenely short tolerance for anyone who is late has been shortened even further.

But, small price to pay. So if you’d like to come and break the time/space continuum with me even further, let me know. I’m thinking specifically about trips to Ikea and Target – but really, my enthusiasm is still so unbridled at this point that I’d probably drive across town to pick someone up and take them 3 blocks to buy milk.

I know it ends in “Y”…

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I’ve been having issues lately with the time-space continuum. Mostly when it comes to remembering what day it actually is when I wake up in the mornings. And this happens EVERY MORNING – only the names of the days change. My internal dialogue goes something like this:

Alarm: *midi of Knight Rider theme*
Brain: MOTHERFUCKERI DONOTWANTTOGETUP!
Body: hits off button and waits for alarm #2

10 minutes go by

Alarm: *midi of Cheers theme*
Brain: damn.
Body: turns off alarm

Brain: I guess it’s time to get on with Thursday.
Brain: OH MY GOD IT’S ALREADY THURSDAY! I HAVE SO MUCH WORK LEFT TO DO THIS WEEK.
Brain: Are you sure it’s Thursday?
Brain: Wait no, it’s Wednesday
Brain: HOORAY FOR WEDNESDAY! PANIC DOWNGRADED!
Brain: Aw damn. It’s only Wednesday… so many days left until the weekend…

Uh Uh the Email

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I’ve just realized that I left my email client open at home.

There it is, happily chugging away downloading all my messages every 5 minutes and promptly deleting them from the server.

So I can’t check my personal webmail accounts ALL DAY (despite the fact that all I really get on it is blog comments, mailing list stuff, and spam).

The fact that this is of any importance to me whatsoever makes me think I need to wean myself off of technology a bit.

Signs

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How can you tell I have a paper due? My house is getting more Martha-Clean than it usually is (I washed and IRONED the shower curtain), and I’ve been baking up a storm.

Of course, I spent a few hours baking 5 dozen cranberry-bran muffins last night, then forgot to bring any to work to actually eat today. D’oh!

Tonight’s project: Tiny Cheesecakes, round two… and maybe bang out a few paragraphs.

I think I watch too much TV…

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I went out with a guy last night. We had a nice time, and have plans to go out again in a week or two. Here’s my stream of consciousness so far:

His job requires him to travel about 200 days a year. My immediate reaction:

“Fantastic! you won’t be around often enough to drive me batshit crazy and give me cause to hate you!”

Then, the creative (read: crazy!) side of my brain takes over and continues the thought with:

“But will our babies ever really know their daddy? Or will I end up like one of those pro-sports wives who do all the work, while their husbands just fly in and out and have a bitch in every city but bankroll a pretty nice lifestyle for me and I’m sleeping with the teenaged gardener anyway – except without the coolness of being married to a pro-athlete, and when the hell did my life become the bastard love child of Jerry Maguire and Desperate Housewives?”

Let’s just hope he doesn’t find my blog. I prefer to keep the crazy under wraps until at least the 3rd date.

My Bank Sucks… or Does it…

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Exactly one other person will get that title. Don’t try to figure it out, you’ll hurt yourself.

Beer. Hockey. BERTUZZI. Hockey. Iginla. Beer. PEE. Giggles. Syncrhonized chair dancing. More Beer. Cutest baby. DID I MENTION BERTUZZI?!?!? Another beer. More Hockey. Not enough jumpin’ around. SPIT-ACTION!!! Greasy Meat. Home.

Best. Sunday. Night. Ever.

Weird Dreams

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Oh – one more thing I thought I’d toss out there – the weirdass dream I had last night.

Preamble: I didn’t sleep in my own bed last night.

I’m dreaming that I’ve woken up in the middle of the night, and need to go to the bathroom. No Biggie. Up I get (in the dream) and make my way very carefully (I can’t see in the dark, fo’ real) to what I think is the bathroom. Somewhere along the way I must have made a wrong turn, because I walk into the “bathroom” and turn on the light. Nope – it’s another bedroom, and in one bed are three sales reps from where I work. All males – all very angry that I’ve just woken them up, because don’t I know they need their sleep because they have an assload of work to do before the office closes for Christmas???

I’m in the middle of trying to talk my way out of getting myself seriously physically harmed by 3 disheveled, angry men in boxers, when I wake up.

I just said “What the Fuck” to myself, and went back to sleep. What the Fuck indeed.

Ohmm

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Aah.. my massage yesterday was soooo good. Not as good as it could have been, since I ended up with my 2nd choice for massage therapists – but good nonetheless. I even actually slept all the way through the night – UNHEARD OF.

Except it messed me up a little in the morning when I woke up and realized “Shit – I didn’t have a mid-night moment. Everything is all wrong now!” The perpetually sleepless know which moment I’m talking about. That moment around 2 or 3 or 4am when you wake up and go “Goddammit not again,” followed immediately by an “Ok, if I can get back to sleep within an hour, I still have 2 or 3 or 4 hours left until I have to wake up for real.” We crazies get used to our moments. It’s hard to get used to waking up for the first time since going to sleep, and actually having to get up.

Unless you have flex time. Then you create your own moment, and re-set your alarm for an hour later. Which usually works, until some caring friend who knows what time you wake up phones to see if you’re actually out of bed. Though it helps if this friend is chatty, and you can lay in bed for another 30 minutes and gab before actually getting up. So yes, eventually I tossed the covers aside and got myself into work. An hour later than I had planned, but I’m here. And realizing I’m going to be here much later than I had initially planned on. I just can’t win.

Have I mentioned…

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… that not sleeping makes me really cranky? Well it does. Unbearably so. I’m so cranky I’m annoying myself.

If I don’t get a decent amount of sleep tonight, I’m calling in sick tomorrow to try and nap this shit off.

Update, 3:37PM: Oh crap. I remember this feeling. Hi self, welcome to burnout. The only solution at this point is to burst into tears and hide under the covers.

A Little bit Crazy?

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Can I please have another weekend to recover from my weekend? Please?

The old roommate is outta here. She does have her keys for another week, since she’s going to come by and pick up any stray mail etc. without having to bother me. But other than that, she’s officially no longer infringing on my regular world.

I interviewed two potential roommate candidates on Sunday. One I loved. The other, not so much. I offered the place to the one I loved, but she’s decided not to move right now after all. So now the dilemma is, do I hold out and wait to see if someone comes along I like enough – or do I suck it up and go with the one I didn’t like quite so much?

The other person gave me a bit of a vibe that I didn’t quite mesh with. She actually reminded me quite a bit of the ex-roommate. Can I handle that until April? Or do I chance a financially risky (not impossible – just not preferable) situation in the hopes that someone better bites at the last minute?

The thing is – I could totally handle the ex-roomie’s quirks. I’m not so much of a stubborn cow that I expect my roommate to be exactly like me. It’s Crazy Ex-Roommate’s total and utter lack of mental stability that drove me up the wall. This potential new CR is currently pursuing a career in mental health and wellness, which makes me think that even if she is a little bit crazy, she at least has her shit together enough to help those (like CER) who totally can not keep their shit together even a little bit.

One other thing to consider, is that I’ve been strongly considering getting out of my place and into something on my own by the summer. Somewhere that has insuite laundry, and where I can own a pet. Perhaps another crazy roommate will be that extra motivation for me…

What would you do?

Tic, tic…

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I have just discovered something totally neurotic about myself.

I have a corporate logo coffee tumbler that I swill my caffeine from daily.

I can’t begin drinking, until the mouthpiece is centered over the logo. If the logo isn’t facing me all nice and neat, I can’t start drinking.

Bring on the rubber room.

Me So Horny Dorky

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WARNING: GRATUITOUS SEX POST well, not really, but you’ve been warned. Sortof.

So I’m at the grocery store tonight picking up some turkey (they were out when I went last night) and I wander past the pharmacy section, and figure I should pick up some personal lubricant for use with my personal “massagers.” Shut up. I’m trying to be PC with the whole thing.

Anyway, so I pick up a tube o’ lube and figure that, while I’m there, I may as well embrace my single-dom and get some condoms too. Not that I plan on jumping in the sack with anyone any time soon, but you know how the story goes… you delay and delay on the purchase, then when you are in a situation where you really need them, you have none. I did not want to be there at any point, so what the hell.

You need to understand, I am not shy about sex. And I have purchased my fair share of condoms. So I picked up a box of Trojans and tossed them and the lube into the basket with my turkey.

Then suddenly this strange sensation came over me (not that kind of sensation! quit being dirty and follow along!), I wondered what that said about me, having turkey cutlets and condoms and lube in my basket? So I headed for frozen foods and picked up some lean cuisines and tossed them on top. Now my basket contains single girl food, turkey cutlets, condoms and lube. So I head for the fruit. A few bananas, plums & nectarines later, and I figure I can’t really improve on the situation at all. So I check out and scamper off home.

When the hell did I become such a chicken (turkey?) about sex? I’ve been having it pretty often for the past 8-odd years, and have purchased my fair share of accoutrements that are much riskier than condoms. But for the longest time, I’ve always always shrouded myself in the security of being in a long term relationship. As if any of the checkout people ever actually knew that, or would know that I’m now single. Or that it even matters. But for some reason I’m thinking I give off some strange vibe. My essence just screams this girl is a shameless hussy!

Now I’m looking at this damn box of condoms, sitting on my bed, wondering what the hell I was thinking. It’s probably a good thing they don’t expire until 2009. It might just take me that long before I get over my complex. And eat turkey again.