WorldWideWaterCooler

The nature of my work schedule lately has me staying up a little later than usual. So I’ve been catching Letterman, and the beginning of Conan, for most of the week.

Last night, Dave brought out the Carnage.

Paul Anka was the musical guest. Which in and of itself isn’t horrible. Except he sang “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” It’s all a part of the publicity for his new album Rock Swings - which takes some of the most iconic rock songs of the 80’s and 90’s, and Anka-fies them.

Damn you Paul Anka, for bastardizing my youth! And double damn you for making it catchy as all hell! So if you see me lindy-hopping to “Eye of the Tiger,” you’ll know why.

And for this, he gets the Order of Canada.

If you don’t currently peruse The Morning News at least once a week (especially the Non-Expert column), you’re definitely missing out.

Today they bring us 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

Simon’s song, from 1975’s Still Crazy After All These Years, quotes some mysterious woman as saying there must be 50 ways to leave your lover, allowing lazy songwriter Simon to only offer five ways in the chorus: to “slip out the back, Jack; make a new plan, Stan; you don’t need to be coy, Roy; hop on the bus, Gus; just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free.”

But what about escape routes for the world’s homosexual Daves? The world’s distraught Margos and emotionally damaged Bills? No worries, relationship-haters, this Non-Expert is happy to help fill the gap ol’ Rhymin’ Simon left 30 years ago…

Or you could just do what I do, and leave before they wake up in the morning….

So… a note to all the granola crunchers who say Nuclear Power is a Bad Idea, and cite Chernobyl as evidence….

EXPOSURE TO RADIATION MAKES CHILDREN SMARTER, STRONGER, FASTER, BETTER!

I’m totally hitting up the dentist for a few more xrays this year, and permanently strapping my cellphone to my head.

Perhaps I’ll even rig the microwave to operate with the door open.

After days of hearing the hype, I just watched the Paris Hilton Carl’s Jr. commercial.

Meh.

For those not in the know, the commercial consists of Paris in a Bikini, washing a Bentley and chowing on a Carl’s Jr. burger of some sort.

She’s a pretty girl and all, but falls far short of that porn star look - which is what the commercial was based on. I guess she’s kindof necessary, since the tagline is “that’s hot” - but Carmen Electra, Jenna Jamieson, or Pam Anderson would’ve done a far superior job. Paris just ends up looking like a baby giraffe getting its legs.

I guess the burger’s hot, but Paris, in that commercial, is not.

Best Quote Ever regarding the recent coupling of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes:

They should totally play Take My Breath Away at their wedding. Except that Katie will probably want the Jessica Simpson version, and Tom will be all, “No, the Berlin version,” and Katie will be all, “Who?”

I totally peed a little from laughing so hard when I read it.

Shiz poses an interesting conundrum today. She had no idea that it was election day. She knew the election was coming up at some point… just not that it was today.

Some of us do not have/watch tv, and don’t like/read the trashy local newspapers. You cannot rely on media alone to inform us of things.

I was trying to think about how one would ever realize that an election was coming, without watching the local news or reading the local papers. I myself am a self-admitted media whore, so I typically devour that stuff (whether I believe it or not is an entirely different story).

So I tried thinking about any other ways the election has been promoted…

Candidate signs? I suppose those are a hint, but “I didn’t even know an election was CALLED - even though I saw signs everywhere, thinking it was advance campaigning - until someone mentioned it in passing.” I guess they don’t exactly have the date on them…

Internet News? No… that’s just an electronic reprint of the newspapers.

The bajillion flyers that were dropped in mailboxes? I guess a lot of people just throw those out like so much junk mail without actually looking at what’s on them.

Telephone Pollsters? Not everyone gets called. I only got one phone call through the entire campain - usually I end up getting 6 or 7 at least.

Word of Mouth? I guess that all depends on whose mouths you’re listening to.

I’m officially stumped.

Are there any other ways to publicize an election? Should there be? I know a ton of my co-workers had no idea (until I informed them) that they were voting on BC-STV - so obviously the word is just NOT GETTING OUT.

At what point does the issue change from inadequate promotion/publicity/awareness to one of a person’s choice to be ingnorant? (Note: Shiz appears to be far from ignorant - I wish that were the case for so many others I know.)

Today’s provincial election day in Beautiful BC, so to any Canadian citizens who’ve lived here for the last 6 months: PLEASE GO VOTE. You have until 8:00PM PDT tonight.

Find your local riding and voting place, as well as registration information at elections.bc.ca

You’ll also have the opportunity to vote for change in our current electoral system. You can either vote Yes or No for the Single Transferrable Vote - info available at the Citizens’ Assembly on Electoral Reform website. There’s also a nifty bit of flash (about 3 minutes long) explaining how STV would work.

Remember, the privilege of democracy comes with certain responsibilities. One of those is participation in elections. So show up, vote for the candidate and system that you feel are right, or spoil your ballots entirely. Just please go and be counted. Your future thanks you.

Quick reminder that today is the Provincial Day of Mourning for workers who have been killed on the job.

Also a note that safety at work isn’t just a concern for those in manual labour or trade jobs. There’s plenty of danger right here on the mean streets of the big city. We are trying to do more with less, and it’s tempting to get lazy about safety while doing it. Workplace violence is increasing at frightening levels.

For the Logger who drove his truck off the road.
For the Waitress who ended up with lung cancer due to 2nd hand smoke.
For the Office Clerk gunned down by a co-worker going postal.
For the Restaurant Manager stabbed trying to protect one of his staff from a man wielding a knife.
For the School Crossing guard run over trying to keep children safe.
For the Police Officers & Firefighters who put their lives on the line every day.

For you, the ones you love, and the ones that love you back.

Stay safe.

I’m the first to admit that I don’t pay as much attention to politics as I could.

But all of this hooplah around the Federal budget and the potential vote of non-confidence seems to have people riled up for what I think is no good reason. I think we’ve been used to having majority governments for far too long.

When there’s a majority government, we show up, we vote, and we get to sit back for about four years because the ruling party is then going to do whatever they want without much regard for anyone or anything else. It’s lazy politics, it promotes corruption and alternate agendas, and I’ve really had about enough of it.

With a minority government, the ruling party needs to win the support of other parties or MPs, or risk being ousted. Nobody wants an election every six months, so compromise is in everyone’s best interest. When there’s a minority government, constituents need to talk to their MPs to let them know what they do and don’t support. MPs need to ensure that their party has a firm stance on what is negotiable and what isn’t. Parliament as a whole needs to come together to pass bills & budgets that have been through real debate - not the yelling across the house that has no consequence because the majority party will push everything through on their agenda anyway.

In my opinion, that’s how government is supposed to work.

On May 17th, I’ll be showing up to vote YES for STV on the provincial ballot, and hoping for a minority provincial government. I think the parties could use a little tempering from eachother, and if it’s true that STV usually results in minority governments, I really can’t see that as a bad thing going forward.

I’ve had such a little bee in my bonnet this past week, feverishly reading Captain’s Quarters about the sponsorship scandal. I really wanted to link to him, and say that the level of corruption in government that’s finally being made more transparent is freaking me right the hell out! Not that I was worried about my paltry 1000 or so visitors a month putting me in harm’s way - but I do try to stay on this side of not breaking the law.

Today, Justice Gomery lifted the publication ban, so I can finally do and say those things!

Except I kindof just did. So no more news from me. But keep reading CQ. I can’t wait to see where this goes and how big the shitstorm becomes.

Also, if you’re like me, and tend to tune out 80% of politics until we have to vote on something, this is probably a good time to tune back in. We may have to vote again soon.

I predict that Canada will lose very, very badly at the upcoming World Championships.

It makes me wonder how much the current NHL players really play for the love of “Canada’s Game” (55-60% of NHL players are Canadian), and how many have been blinded by their multi-million dollar salaries. We keep hearing heartwrenching sound bites about how the mean ol’ league is ruining Canadian hockey (insert patriotic tear here), yet when these athletes are offered an opportunity to play at home representing their game & their country, many have declined.

Vincent Lecavalier and Jose Theodore are the latest two players to pass on playing for Team Canada.

They both cite injury, but managed to fulfil their duties playing for European teams. Steve Yzerman has also declined to play, however he’s been off hockey since the end of last season with an eye injury. That I can understand. The rest of the guys though? I’m disappointed.

I understand that Canadian athletes aren’t exactly well-compensated for their endeavors and efforts, but have our hockey players become such spoiled brats that they can’t be bothered to play if the compensation isn’t high enough? So much for “the love of the game.”

If that’s the case, then they can drop the patriotic good ol’ boy bullshit, and just be honest about being happy being nothing more than another group of millionaire athletes. They should just take a lesson from the pages of the book of Lebron James, and turn up the pimp juice another notch. At least they’d be keepin’ it real.

It’s just been confirmed that the SFU school of contemporary arts will be one of the tenants in the retrofitted Woodward’s building in Vancouver’s Downtown East Side.

I have mixed feelings about this.

On one hand, the School of Contemporary Arts has been a long-standing sore-spot among students at SFU. It’s been housed in mouldy portables for the past far-too-many years, which isn’t exactly an atmosphere conducive to creativity and arts development. The new facility downtown will be both updated to provide necessary resources to students and faculty, and will be an ideal spot to inspire arts as a reflection of society by being integrated into the downtown east side neighbourhood. Which is what contemporary arts should really be all about.

However, this will mark SFU’s fifth campus location. There is already a disparity between the “downtown (SFU Harbour Centre & Morris J. Wosk Center for Dialogue Locations on opposite sides of Hastings at Seymour)” vs. “the hill (aka “the hell” in Burnaby)” crowds. Once the SFU Segal School of Business (on Granville at Pender) and the new Contemporary Arts DTES locations are open, I can only see further factions splitting apart.

Something I never really got a strong feeling for during my time at SFU was any sense of community. It’s very different from UBC students I know, who seem to gather together at the SUB frequently (while the SFU pub sits empty and closes early). I haven’t been up there recently to see if the UniverCity has impacted any significant change, but I’d be surprised if it has.

Do you think the relocation of the School of Contemporary Arts will make a difference to the sense of community? Is SFU simply a commuter campus that should stay that way? Should the campus locations make a difference to the sense of community within the school?

There’s an article in The Tyee today about a different stance on the same-sex marriage debate. The author Stan Persky puts out the position that it’s not an argument about marriage, it’s an argument about validating (or not) same-sex sex. Because we all know that the most important part of a marriage is the consummation thereof - and the notion of two same-sex partners doing that, is just ick as far as the Conservatives are concerned.

I’ve thought long and hard about this - wanting to respect both those who hold their religious beliefs strongly, and the obvious rights of any person to marry any other person. I posted my comments on the issue at the bottom of the article, but figured that since (at least I think) it seems like a cohesive and well-written stance, I’d post it here as well, and see what y’all think about it.
————–
The only real solution at this point is to do away with the institution of “marriage” entirely as a legal entity. Civil Unions for all - man/woman/transgendered or any combination thereof - who wish to benefit from the legal contract of such an arragement. And have them performed or endorsed only by a public service employee (such as the JPs who do it now).

Once the church is no longer legally ordained to endorse “civil unions” they’ll no longer have a leg to stand on in their discrimination of those who are born homosexual. This leaves the church entirely outside a position of being able to deny performing a “marriage” for those it chooses to discriminate against.

It’s time to move beyond teaching “tolerance” of those who may be of a different race/sex/orientation/etc. (which is what the Conservative position of Civil Union vs. Marriage is) and move to a society of ACCEPTANCE that everyone is equal, and deserves an equal set of rights that have no basis on anything other than our Charter of Rights and Freedoms.
————–
Discuss.

I just received an email from Nick about posting a link to promote all of the local events taking place to raise funds for Tsunami disaster relief. Holy cow are there ever a ton of them. Find the official listings here. There are also many bloggers who are trying to find a way to help - and kudos!

The amazing outpouring of generosity and the show of the human spirit at its very best has been overwhelmingly beautiful. And at the same time, I’ve found it phenomenally sad.

Every single person I know has donated something - whether it’s $1 or $100 or more to the Tsunami relief fund. But only a handful of people in my circle make it a habit to be so generous with their time, capital and spirit during the rest of their lives. I know I’ve been guilty of the same thing. I never donated to charities to help the homeless and destitute here at home until I had to walk through the Downtown East Side of Vancouver to get to work every day.

The phenomenon is easy to explain - it’s the oldest advertising trick in the book. Give the people a personal connection to an event or product, and they’ll fall all over themselves to be involved with it. Use this toothpaste and you’ll have a brighter smile and fresher breath and be more successful. Buy these clothes and you’ll snag a fabulous mate. Donate to this cause, and you’ll save both the friend/family member that was affected, and perhaps the world! With Indonesia being such an international vacation destination and the sheer numbers of those affected by the disaster, it’s hard to find someone who wasn’t directly impacted by the event.

It’s much harder to find people who have been impacted by the trouble in the Sudan (where over 50,000 have been killed), or the hurricaine in Haiti earlier this year. What about the thousands of homeless and struggling families right here in our own city that are so easy to ignore as we float above them on the SkyTrain, or drive past them in our cushy SUVs? How about the kids who could really use a big brother or big sister - when’s the last time you volunteered or donated your time, money or goods to help these causes? Have you ever been inspired to organize a fundraiser for any of them?

MSF (Doctors without Borders) has already released statements that they have more than enough funding for their relief efforts in South East Asia. Will you still donate to them for other important efforts? Red Cross representatives have said that managing the well-intentioned but ultimately useless donations of goods is referred to as “The Second Disaster” in the non-profit relief-aid circle. Have those goods made it out of your house yet to organizations such as the Salvation Army that could really use them as the weather turns for the worse?

I’m not trying to slag anyone for anything they have or haven’t done - it’s still an amazingly powerful and inspiring thing that so many around the world are so inspired to give. I’m just trying to say “keep the flame alive.” Use all of this positive giving energy to keep your fundraisers going, and keep up the efforts to donate your time and capital to not only the Tsunami victims in South East Asia, but those who need your help around the world, and right here at home. Find a cause that matters to you, and do your best to strongly support it, not just in times of extreme (and well-publicized) disaster and peril, but all year.

Canada 2-1 over Russia at the end of the 1st.

Best colour commentary line of the first period: (Referring to the Russian players) “These guys go down faster than free beer at a frat party!”

I wish all hockey was this good…