WorldWideWaterCooler

I thought about making some sort of personal resolutions this year, but 2008 is shaping up to be a year of so much activity, growth and change already I think I’ll just give myself a big pat on the back for making it through.

It starts off with becoming a first-time homeowner, complete with list of DIY projects to get started on, and we don’t even move in for a few more days. Then comes the actual DIY work, design and AV plans and the execution thereof.

Smack-dab in the middle of those, there’s that whole wedding thing coming up. It’s slowly starting to hit me that there are about eleventy-frillion little details to get all squared away within the next 90-ish days. Fitting into my dress is enough motivation to keep me on the running plan for the next little while. As for those details, I am currently distracting myself by agonizing over shoes: Manolo Blahnik or Christian Louboutin… the Spring Manolos have absolutely perfect styling for my dress, but those damn red soles on the Louboutin are like a siren song in shoe form…

2008 will also be a big travel year again, with definite trips to Tofino (twice), Morocco, Spain, Orlando (twice) and Las Vegas (twice), with probable jaunts to San Fransisco, Denver, Boston, Atlanta, DC and Barcelona. Don’t get too jealous, only three of those destinations are personal trips. I’m sure Neil, in addition to one “man-time” camping trip, will also have his share of trips to the exotic wilds of Columbus and maybe Oxford.

In between all those I also want to make sure I manage to balance the crazy with time to both visit and entertain friends and family near and far, keep running and not lose time I’ve worked hard to find for things like playing the piano, learning how to make beautiful photos and just lazing about with a good book or two.

Realistically, the goals we have for getting our new place put together and the travel schedule coming up means that most of our time and finances are pretty well spoken for until late 2008, when it’ll practically be time to gear up for another holiday season where I can finally pause and wonder where the year went.

But there is one thing I felt I could certainly set some goals for and make the time to do better at over the next 12 months – this damn blog. It definitely stagnated over 2007, which I’m definitely not pleased with. So starting now, I’m going to take the step of engaging more with readers by replying to all comments, and try to drag some additional content out of myself to keep to a 3-4 post/week schedule.

And so, in the spirit of getting this thing start off right, and actually soliciting some comments to reply to… how are you this year so far, and do you think I should go with the Manolos or Louboutins?

Apologies for the extra step in commenting here, but since the “close old posts” and Akismet plugins are starting to fail miserably (87 spam comments to be moderated in 2 hours), there’s one more simple step required to leave your mark on la watercooler.

I’ve installed the “Did You Pass Math” plugin, which requires you to answer a simple math question before your comment will be accepted.

Hey, at least you don’t have to try reading a blurry captcha.

Hopefully that will slow the spammers for a little while.

Just a wee, quick note.

I’m getting insane amounts of spam these days, and didn’t want to be so annoying as to install a “capcha” – so I’ve gone with the seemingly lesser of a few evils: I’ve activated the “close comments after 21 days” plugin.

If you want to comment on a post older than that, you’ll have to settle with emailing me.

We now return to your regularly scheduled programming….

Some lovely reader out there has nominated my blog for the Canadian Blog Awards.

Colour me flattered!

WorldWideWaterCooler is nominated in both the “Best Humour Blog” and “Best Personal Blog” categories.

Whoever send in the nominations, thanks so much.

Nominations close November 12th, and you can vote for your favourites starting on the 15th.

When you misdial the last four digits of your esthetician’s phone number as -0300 instead of -0030, the woman at Atlas Yachts will be very confused when you don’t listen to her greeting and just launch into a request for a Brazilian Wax appointment.

Why is it that the very second you’re trapped in an elevator (no matter how short the entrapment) your first two thoughts are “I’m thirsty” and “I need to pee” even though the concepts contradict, and neither statement was true 3 seconds prior.

Getting rid of my festive halloween shirt in a fit of “I’m sick of packing” pique last summer seemed like a good idea. Now, not so much. Not because I want to wear it myself today, but because I’m pretty sure it would have fit the dog.

I have a really fun blog post to share, but it involves scanning and uploading and clever commentary, and I’m always just a bit too tired when I get home to bother with it. I need some motivation.

And because I’m so good at following through with my blog promises (I don’t do it on purpose, I just forget!), I figuredperhaps the appropriate motivation will come if I sign up for this. So I did. That’s right – one post every day. Even weekends! Oy. We’ll see if I make it past November 2nd.

According to some, my blog is “dead boring” now that I don’t have men puking over my balcony every other weekend. Here’s to a month of quantity over quality, hopefully something amusing also comes out of it!

What do we do when we have no content?

Figure out what’s bringing people back anyway – SEARCH STRINGS!

The list was looooooooong, but amusing, so I thought I’d share a few of the best with you.

water cooler – #1 result. duh. Sorry if you were looking for the Culligan Man.
nose cauterized – apparently nobody who clicks through to this page has heard of about.com, but it’s become some sort of strange message board for those who want to share their advice and experience.
tattooed grandma – I expect I’ll be friends with quite a few once I’m grandma age.
bikini wax etiquette- Is there a call for a post on this? I could definitely oblige.
spelunking equipment – Heh, sorry.
eggo waffles weight watcher points – seriously? just eat real food.
vodka martini caloric intake – see! eat your veggies, and save the points for the liquor.
show me pictures of a person that was 2nd and 3rd degree burns on the face. – really? gross.
dating a spoiled princess – Neil? We live together – you should know what it’s like.
yearbooks of hope secondary – I have 1993/4 through 1997/8
fashion to flatter women with large thighs – medium rise, straight leg pants and A-Line skirts. You’re welcome.
naked pictures – just in general? try National Geographic.
used facial bed in toronto sale – a bed for your face? a bed to get facials in? what kinda facial are we talkin’ anyway? I don’t know if I want to know.
how to deal with crazy roomates – eviction.
how to fix bad short haircut – uh, wow. Buy a hat.
narcissism and breakups – clearly you found exactly what you were looking for here.
fashion pleated pants – No. No. No.
i gave him a second chance – I keep telling people not to do this, and they keep doing it anyway.
wash and go hairstyles for thick and curly hair – Ahahahahah. hahah. hah. You were kidding with that one, right?
poo head bum fluff – Stinky butt pickle face! So there!
no pleated pants dating – Obviously another person who was looking expressely for moi.
never date a guy who wear contacts – I beg to differ!
coke in brita filter – Good smuggling idea! Nobody will notice the powder in with that charcoal! Too bad I didn’t think of that… (uh.. not that I would.. drugs r baad, mm kay?)
fuck frenzy jennifer – heh. I admit to nothing.
feet in mouth lov – whatever floats your boat there partner.
will chocolate be compatible with napster to go – I always advocate chocolate with my music. Or with anything really.
jose cuervo is my friend – Gah. Not mine! Oh my hell. I get nauseous just thinking about it.
pants for large thighs – Again? Another post request perhaps?
five things about liverwurst – Tasty. Creamy. Liverlicious… I’m stumped.
catholic faith beliefs premarital sex confession communion – You appear to be missing a sacrament or two.
lululemon pronounciation – ru-ru-ray-mown (I kid. don’t hate!)
motherfucking chicken dance – I imagine that’s a lot like the regular chicken dance, with more… feeling.
marathon wheezing – perhaps you should take up bingo, instead of distance running?
kinda like your mom trebek – that’s what you get for defecting, Alex.
embolism greyhound bus dangers – I just don’t know, but I can’t imagine an embolism while stuck between a flatulent senior citizen and a shifty looking ex con would be extremely safe.
shebang flags farming lag – Gill? I think your cat has some… odd hobbies.
hop on the bus gus i will seriously marry you – how romantic! *swoon*
thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love - you’re welcome.
where do find water worldwide? – uh.. in the ocean?

I’m back from the weekend’s regatta, plus medals, a racerback tan line, and a whole lotta muscle ache, minus sleep, sleep and more sleep.

I don’t speak too much about rowing on this site, since frankly, it’s pretty boring to anyone but rowers. However, for the few people who may be interested/curious, I particpated in a Women’s Quad, Mixed Quad, Women’s 8 and Mixed 8. I’m most proud of our Mixed 8, since the crew was a last minute throw-together, and we actually won the entire event (in a borrowed, very heavy boat no less!). That’ll be good for some bragging rights for a week or so.

As for the bit of news I alluded to before I left, I’m one of the newest members of the Metroblogging Vancouver crew. My first piece is currently up. Pop on over and check it out, and if you’ve got any ideas for other city-centric content you’d like to see me contribute, let me know!

During my dearth of content, Josh commented with

Stuck creatively? Write about creativity!! It’s a topic I love to hear about…what inspires you? How do you like to express your creativity most? What are the biggest obstacles to your creative expression?

It’s taken a while to figure out how to write about what inspires me… where my ideas come from. How do I find the content for my stories?

Life.

Simple as that. As soon as I start thinking about how ridiculous a situation is, and the words, phrases and gestures I’d use as I describe them to a friend, I start translating that to text in my brain, and at the end of it all we get a blog post.

Of course, the old adage comes out at this point that if you have a great experience, you’ll probably tell 2 or 3 people about it, but if you have a horrible experience, you’ll gripe about it to everyone you possibly can. And boy oh boy did dating provide some great fodder for that! As did the roommate and car troubles and taking transit, etc. etc.

Eliminate those, eliminate the easy content. Finding a soapbox and ranting about something is easy. Finding humour in my own or others’ misfortune is equally so. Finding stories in living the good life though, bringing the love and passion and zeal for family and friends and life in general into a story and making that compelling and entertaining to the reader is a whole other beastie. One that writers such as dooce & Julie Leung have managed to excel at. One that I am just getting used to.

Choosing to write personal stories that way makes it doubly hard. It requires not only writing well, but approaching life from a whole other angle. It requires living and capturing the golden moments, instead of taking them for granted and glossing over them. It requires opening up and revealing personal emotions that are far more sensitive than generic annoyance and fits of impotent rage.

So while I soak up all the shiny happy, I’m doing my damndest to figure out a way to bring it all to you, gentle readers, in a way that doesn’t make you want to throw up in your mouth a little.

Of course if you’re getting impatient with all that, you could do something like wear leggings with a mini-skirt and kitten heeled plastic flip-flops in my presence and watch my head explode.

I’m guessing from the slowly dwindling comments and the absence of them entirely on yesterday’s entry that I’ve been less than entertaining in the content department.

I would apologize, but I don’t know that I want things to change.

See, it’s tough to switch modes and write really great stuff when life is all good and boring. And while I have hugged Heather B. Armstrong, her talent unfortunately did not rub off.

Sure there are entertaining moments, like the checkout guy at Capers who insists on hitting on my boyfriend in the most obvious ways – whether I’m there or not. Or the coffee spilling incident of yesterday that was apparently boring. Or the goofy banter between the man and I that I recognize isn’t funny to anyone but us, though at least I’m not torturing you with saccharine schmoop about how we’re all in loooooooove etc. etc. (which we are, but *gag*, I know).

Other than that, these days all I seem to do is eat, sleep and work.

So I’m begging you, gentle readers, to give me some suggestions on things you care for my opinion on. No subject is too big, or small, or risqué for me to deal with. Got a burning question you’d like answered? Have a conundrum you’d like some advice on? Want me to wax poetic on a person, place, product, etc?

Drop a comment and fire away. Not only do you get some custom content, I’ll try to make it as entertaining as possible and share some linky love as thanks for inspiring me creatively during a time when I can’t even be inspired about what to have for dinner.

Thank you all! We’ve just hit the 50-delurked commentors mark (the “comments” count is a tad misleading, since it also counts trackbacks), so your Very Special Entry is coming up tomorrow (er… later today… I can’t sleep…)!

Stay tuned….

I don’t really check out my search strings and stats that often, but I decided to take a look today, and oh boy are there ever some gems in there!

shannon dougherty breasts – 90210-DD?
i found you and boyfriend video sex tape – If I had a boyfriend, and we had made a sex tape, I might be worried instead of amused.
i have 80000 pounds to invest what do i do – I’ll be happy to take it off your hands!
deterring roommates who steal – I hear the Middle Eastern countries have a good tactic for dealing with thieves…
dutch drinking songs glug glug glug – I wish I knew some. Again, if you find them, let me know!
andrei rieu cranky – If I had that hair, I’d be cranky too!
cuba garlic festival 2006 – now *that* sounds like a vacation!
linda davidson aquarius yaletown – linda? are you there?
merry christmas mice – and rats, and gerbils, and rodents everywhere! Happy New Year too!
how to deal with crazy roommates – eviction.
pleats on pants – just don’t.
narcissism and breakups – this person was *obviously* looking for me specifically
people drinking to much water that causes big boobs – don’t tease me like that!
kelly clarkson childhood injuries – maybe she fell off her bike? that’s my excuse
bikini wax etiquette – is that like people who “clean up” before their housekeeper comes?
dr. linda davidson – paging Dr. Linda… again…

It appears my website broke itself. I promise I didn’t touch anything – I blame elves.

Hooray for the people at site5.com (my superfantastic host) for fixing it for me within about 15 minutes!

My admin page is still all borked, so if anyone wants to get together and fix it with me, I’d be eternally grateful! I should really get on learning myself some of this damn webby stuff.

In the meantime, happy rainy humpday!

Note: I’ve disabled trackbacks and pingbacks for the moment, because I’m getting an assload of spam. Hopefully the issue will resolve itself in a couple days.

Hey, you! Yes you, the hundred or so extra people who swung by yesterday to check out what I had to say.

Hi! Welcome! Can I get you a drink?

Now, I know every once in a while I write something remarkable, and get some extra visitors, and some of you even stick around for a little while. I like that

But yesterday – sheesh! Not only did my traffic go up about 25%, but my page views and bandwidth more than DOUBLED!

So obviously you were hanging out, sifting through the archives. Did you like what you saw? You’ve been here for a while… getting hungry? I’ll fix some sandwiches.

Now while I could snoop through my access logs and find out where all y’all are coming from, that’s a pain in the ass, and I just don’t have the time or desire. But I would really like to, shall we say, Maximize the interaction I have with my readers – which is your cue to click on the little comment box and say “hi.”

You don’t need to include your real name, or real email address – just make something up and stick it in the boxes. Then leave a little note and tell me how much you love me. Or how much you hate me. Or how you take your coffee – I really don’t care. Just say something.

In the meantime, I’ll be here… waiting… wondering…

Happy birthday to Sue,
Happy birthday to Sue,
Happy birthday dear Sue,
Happy birthday to Sue.

Okay, I’ll log out now. But let this be a lesson to all of you – if you’re visiting a friend and use their computer to log into anything that saves your login, be sure to log out again before you leave. Or set your blog logins to expire every so often.