I love Christmas like a fat kid loves cake.
So it pains me to admit this year, I kindof hate our tree.
Specifically, the lights.
We switched to all LED lights this year for our tree, and (as I suspected they might be) they are aesthetically hideous.
The thing I love about a beautiful Christmas tree is turning out the regular lights, and basking in the warm glow it casts over the room. The light catches the sparkle of the ornaments and plays up the shadows and bright spots through the green branches.
LED lights just don’t do that. Their output is so low that they barely illuminate themselves, nevermind things around them. They are eerie, otherworldly pinpoints, distracting and ruining an otherwise beautiful and charming centrepiece of holiday decor.
Instead of the tree casting a warm glow over the room, the room is dim and dark, and reminiscent of an after-hours office, lit by the glow of a computer monitor someone accidentally left on. The ornaments are completely lost. The tree looks like a bushy blob.
These fucking lights are ruining my Christmas.
I am very tempted to rip these POS lights out and re-do the tree with the beautiful incandescents that actually look like Christmas. But since this is a cut tree, that’s just a disastrous mess waiting to happen.
But you’d better believe these lights are going straight on Craigslist the instant Christmas is over this year. I’d throw them in the trash outright, if they weren’t also so bloody expensive. Though I kindof want to anyhow, just as an extra Fuck You to this failed attempt at environmental friendliness.
I’ll probably just buy a festive, Christmas Lamp to offset the creepy factor in that room. But you’d better believe it’ll have an incandescent bulb, bitches.