Leaky, the TMI Post

(Heed the title. This deals with bodily fluids. You have been warned!)

I think the hardest thing about being pregnant has been how obvious it makes the lack of control we have over what happens in our own bodies.

I’m not talking about the things we can do that impact how our bodies will react, like feeding ourselves different types of foods and drugs, or even getting pregnant in the first place. I’m talking about after those things have been done, the vast number of involuntary responses our bodies engage in to keep things running.

I’m a bit of a control freak. I don’t enjoy the heady adrenaline rush of going super fast or throwing myself off of or out of things quite far off the ground, because I don’t feel like I control the outcome (and it has the potential to be, in my opinion, very poor). I also don’t enjoy getting completely wasted, because I don’t like the out-of-control feeling I get if I do.

I like to feel like I have at least come conscious influence over what’s happening and how things are going, and to know that I can opt-out of a long, strange trip if I’ve had enough of that ride and would like to get off.

And this damn pregnancy thing keeps reminding me that “HAHA TOO BAD FOR YOU!”

Like last night.

I’d already had a rough weekend, what with the other aches and pains and general discomfort of growing another human. (And by-the-by, for those who have the same misgivings I did, mostly fueled by stories of women who loooooooooove being pregnant, there is nothing symbiotic about this relationship. It’s a full-on parasite.)

So I was lying in bed, unwinding with a book (Superfreakonomics), when all of a sudden FLUID STARTS LEAKING FROM MY NIPPLE! Not at any significant volume, just a few drops that landed on my arm. But it scared the everloving shit out of me. Not quite literally, but damned close. I screamed loud enough for Neil to come running, looking worried (until he started laughing at me).

You just try having drops of tepid liquid land on your arm, under the covers where no tepid liquid should be, and see how calm and unsurprised you are!

I suppose the books did say this could happen. But not really when, or that it would happen totally out of the blue for no reason at all and completely without warning. Unless there is something in my subconscious that feels particularly nurturing when applying economic principles to everyday life.

I am still committed to the outcome of this particular biological process, but damn, this is already enough of a strange and uncomfortable ride, and I could do without these kind of surprises on top of that.

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10 thoughts on “Leaky, the TMI Post

  1. Courtney

    Oh god. The horror stories I could tell you. I never experienced the early lactation but my kegel muscles seemed to lose the ability to control fluid leakage. Many an embarrassment. Invest in breast pads now. Unless of course, you like waking up in a pool of breast milk and staining every set of sheets you own. (I found the Johnson’s Nursing Pads worked best for absorption.)

    BTW, my obstetrician actually referred to the fetus as a parasite so I didn’t feel like such a monster when I called her that.

    Hang in there!
    Courtney´s last blog post ..Calendar – Capilano University

  2. Laura

    I was reminded of how strange it is to grow a human inside your body last night as I tried to go to sleep and it had the hiccups. seriously weird to feel someone else’s hiccups inside your abdomen…

    If you find you dont need the full big washable breast pads, and its just a small amount every once in a while just buy the little cotton round pads (for taking makeup off etc) and use those…

  3. peechie Post author

    @Courtney – thankfully I have (so far) got the bladder and kegels of a champ!

    @steven – haha!

    @jen – I suppose “hard” is the wrong word. This whole process so far isn’t particularly difficult (after all, I’m really just along for the ride), just incredibly irritating sometimes.

    @Laura – hiccups? Nutty. Can’t wait for that one!

  4. Nicole

    Just fair warning from a fellow control freak: get used to it. From this point forward there is nothing that is going to be within your control again. Ever.

    Just ask Laura about how I was sitting on the couch next to her at Jen’s baby shower (having left baby at home with husband with some pumped milk) and suddenly I was actually spraying milk through my shirt. Not a dribble. Not a slowly expanding wet circle on my shirt. A full on spray of milk through several layers of cloth. I got a lot of use out of washable breast pads.

  5. Sue

    Sorry, all I have to offer in response to this is *giggle*.

    Don’t worry… in about 4 years this will all be past you. The tepid liquid will be getting spilled on you by your child, instead.

    Remind me why we thought child-rearing was a good idea?
    Sue´s last blog post ..It’s beginning to look a lot like…

  6. Derek K. Miller

    Speaking as someone whose body has essentially become old before its time, I’ll warn you that this sort of stuff will only increase with age too — children or no. Our bodies become less adept at managing their fluids over the decades.
    Derek K. Miller´s last blog post ..The endgame

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