We’re not moving

Those playing along at home are likely going “Huh? I had no idea you WERE moving.” I know. And now we’re not. Not exactly news, but it’s been a big albatross around my neck for a little while. Now that there’s an ending to the story, I feel compelled to write it down – both to capture the (non)experience for when I go back and check what I was doing in July 2010, and to close that particular chapter in my brain.

We very nearly moved to England. We’d have been leaving in a month. Neil had an offer from his existing company to go over and work on a project that was based over there. But for various reasons to do with the job and the project it went rapidly from being a very good idea to a really not so good one. So we’re not going.

I am simultaneously delighted and disappointed that we’re staying.

To be fair, I was also delighted and disappointed at the idea of moving. So many things I felt would be left undone here. Moving an ocean away from family. Leaving my job here. The excitement of a new adventure.

Now I just get to flip all those. Moving forward on projects here. More time with family. Staying on at my job. No big adventure.

It feels a bit like a zero sum game – but I can’t quite process that zero sum doesn’t equal zero emotion.

It’s amazing how much non-action can be an emotional roller coaster.

Of course we thought it wise to keep our moving news mostly to ourselves while all the details sorted themselves out. Neil still needed to get through some challenging times with his team at work. I didn’t want to rock the boat unnecessarily at work, or give up my job on the off (and now actual)-chance we didn’t go after all.

But at the same time, we were running around like crazy people in semi-secret, trying to sort out the details of international relocation.

Passport and visa research. Calls with our accountant about tax implications. Vet appointments to jump through the hoops to relocate our dog with us. Sorting out details of renting our condo. Working through the financial implications of an undetermined amount of time living off one salary rather than two. Putting off and pushing aside projects we had planned for here that were no longer practical in the face of relocation.

It’s been stressful. And while I thought pushing the reset button would alleviate some of that, it’s really just changed it.

Tying up loose ends and changing direction on some of our financial plans to reflect staying rather than going. Re-starting the fires under the projects we had snuffed. Figuring out what the rest of our year looks like, now that it’s in Vancouver rather than Oxford.

It’s ultimately good. Not only in a “good, we’ve sorted out this important life-event” way, but in a “this has forced us to re-evaluate what we’re doing here and what’s important” way, but in the meantime feels very strange.

I have no good ending for this.

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3 thoughts on “We’re not moving

  1. Mel

    Maybe “To be continued…”?

    For what it’s worth, I’m happy you’re sticking around (even though it means we won’t be able to visit you in Oxford in September)! 🙂

  2. A Little Coffee

    For the record, I’ve been in your shoes (both when plans to move internationally have been in the works, when they’ve gone ahead, and when they’ve fallen through!) and I know what you mean about how it’s stressful & emotional even when it turns out that nothing changes. You will feel back to normal soon 🙂 But in the meantime, isn’t it kind of cool how it makes even little day to day things seem so significant and you feel so alive? I like how periods of big change and big decisions bring everything into focus.

  3. peechie Post author

    @mel thanks 🙂 you were definitely one of the people i was going to miss most

    @a little coffee it is pretty cool how the shake-up gave me a whole different view on things. even little stuff: i haven’t touched my piano for months. but having visited the prospect of leaving it behind, i’m suddenly more inspired to play again.

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