Open Letter

To the women in the office across the hall who use the bathroom on this floor.

In case you hadn’t noticed, this is a fairly respectable office space in downtown Vancouver. This is not the squatter in a lean-to behind some Thai Cat-House.

So please adhere to the following so we can all have a pleasant experience:

Toilet Paper, in North America, goes in the TOILET. It can be flushed here – it’s okay. You do not need to wrap it up in another seventeen yards of paper and throw it in the tiny and already overflowing sanitary napkin disposal can in the stall. Incidentally, the overflow wouldn’t be an issue at all if you’d just FLUSH IT.

Also, in regards to the “fairly respectable space” bit – this is an office, there are cleaners. They come in and wash the facilities nightly. Probably more often than your special throne at home even. So there’s no need to use most of a roll of paper wiping down the entire stall before you deign to park your dainty arse and do your thing. And there is especially no need to then throw all that paper on the floor. If you really feel you need protection from the cooties, use the seat covers.

(To that one woman who won’t touch the doorknob, and uses a piece of paper-towel to open it – quit throwing that paper towel in the plant in the elevator lobby! It’s gross. If you’re that paranoid about germs, carry it all the way back to your office – what makes you think that doorknob is any cleaner?)

I’m not sure what kind of sweatshop they’re running across the hall there, but it seems like you’re not actually allowed to speak or socialize anywhere but the bathroom. Or at least that’s what I suspect, the way you head to the bathroom in a herd and conduct some sort of symposium around the sink.

And far be it from me to take away that bit of clearly unbridled joy in your day – but I do have a small request around that particular activity: there are only two stalls, when you’re making use of them, shut the hell up, focus on the business at hand, then get the hell out. My bladder and I do not have 15 minutes to wait while you finish your conversation between grunts and wipes. Especially when there are 5 people ahead of us waiting.

In closing, please just be tidy and speedy, and I won’t have to give you death glares (or put a stink-bomb under your office door).

Love and Kisses,
-Jen (and the six other women who work in my office and must suffer your bathroom abuse)

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3 thoughts on “Open Letter

  1. Mark

    There’s a guy in my office like that… he comes in, washes his hands, then goes into the stall and gives everything a good once-over, then washes his hands again, then goes back and puts paper towels down on the floor (I guess so his pants cuffs don’t drag through the filth on the shiny tiles) then washes his hands again and uses the waterless nuclear decontamination gel, then goes back in, closes the door, tears off a loooooong strip of TP and hangs it over the door along the hinge side and the lock side so no one can peek through the crack (?!) and then on the floor where he can see the reflection of the sink area (and maybe someone might see back.. if they could be bothered ro look) THEN he does his business, wipes, wipes, wipes… comes out, washes hands again, then throws away 1/4 of the Brazilian rainforest worth of paper products he’s accumulated then–wait for it– washes his hands again, nuclear-sanitation-gel cleans and waits to air dry, then takes another paper towel to open the door with and chucks that one out somewhere along the way back to his desk.

    I feel your pain. (although this time next Friday I’ll be wrapping things up and preparing to move onnnnnnnn from this job)

  2. Renee

    You realize that the guy you’re describing probably has serious OCD and breaks down crying every night because he can’t… get… clean…

    That’s actually pretty sad…

    As for those women, it took me awhile to get used to FOOT PRINTS ON THE TOILET SEAT when I was in SE Asia this spring. Due to the preponderance of squat toilets a lot of women don’t believe toilet seats are clean and will stand on them and …aim… rather than sitting. Which just makes things WAY MESSIER. I could never get used to putting toilet paper in the garbage next to the toilet, myself, either. Just… eew.

    But seriously, how hard is it really to just be businesslike in the bathroom?

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