The DIYers Prayer

Home Depot
Who art kinda far away out there in suburbia
Hallowed be a good parking spot

Thy customer service come
When the self-checkout machine throws a fit
With store pricing
Hopefully the same as on the internet

And give us this day that usually out of stock item
And forgive us our impatience
Because we’ve been waiting
By the key-cutting station for assistance
For seventeen minutes

And lead us not to the wrong side of the store
But deliver us to the shower-curtain rods

(which, incidentally, should logically be near shower and bath enclosures, not closet organizers)

For thine is a ridiculous sum of cash
So I can finally have some shelving

And a programmable thermostat

For ever and ever,
Amen.

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4 thoughts on “The DIYers Prayer

  1. April

    This is hilarious. You’ve got some talent in the prayer writing department.

    “And forgive us our impatience
    Because we’ve been waiting
    By the key-cutting station for assistance
    For seventeen minutes”

    Ain’t that the truth..there is never anyone at that station..ever.

  2. sdude

    ugh, we redid the bathroom last fall and spent waaaay too much time at the Depot. I’m on a self-imposed exile from that place for, I dunno, a few more decades anyway. If you must go – the West Van one is nice.

  3. Jean

    Even more frustrating is getting the key cut, taking it home and discovering it doesn’t work!….sigh

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