RHS #20 – The Medium is the Message?

How do people find dates anyway?

Random meetings in the grocery store? When and where do the cute, eligible guys shop? The last guy who said hi to me at my local grocery was pretty skeezy looking and dragging a toddler behind him.

Joining a group? I do yoga. There’s one guy in the class. He’s 40-ish and married.

Work? No. Just no.

Friends? Considering most of my friends are not single, and most of their friends aren’t single either, those pairings have been few and far between.

Bars? That would require I spent any time at them. And quite honestly, when I do, I refuse to up my Ho quotient far enough for any guys to look at me twice, let alone come over and say hi.

That’s left me so far with (dun dun dun…) the Internet.

The problem with online dating though, is that I’m limiting myself to people I have a strictly intellectual connection with.

If someone can’t write well, I’m not likely to want to even bother with them. Had I used that criteria with my ex, we wouldn’t have lasted four minutes, let alone four years. He’s smart and funny, but can’t write or spell worth a damn.

Unfortunately those that I’ve found that I can write back and forth with seem to be neurotic. And not a type of neruotic that’s complementary to my own personal neruoses. The kind of neurotic that’s most comfortable writing online, not because they’re good writers, but because that’s the kind of interpersonal connection they’re most comfortable with. In person, they are socially retarded.

Granted, I’m no Dale Carnegie myself, but I can carry on an intelligent conversation outside the confines of an Instant Messaging window.

So I’m abandoning the online dating, at least for now. I need to meet some real guys with real lives, outside of serial emailing.

And now I’m depending on you, dear reader. How did you meet your significant other? Point me in the direction of the eligible bachelors! I know they’re hiding out there somewhere…

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21 thoughts on “RHS #20 – The Medium is the Message?

  1. -j.

    I met my SO…on the internet, kind of. And most of my friends are women.

    So unless you’re planning to significantly expand your horizons, I’m afraid I’m zero help as usual 😉

  2. April

    I met my boyfriend at my work but we didn’t work for the same company. I was a bartender at a catered event at the building on campus that he works at. My previous boyfriend worked for me when I was a manager(DON’T DATE YOUR EMPLOYEES), and the previous two before that were met on the internet. I don’t have a clue where to meet guys outside of those venues and of course the bar. Apparently they just materialize out of thin air for some people.

  3. sue

    The ballroom dance club worked for me. Artos was there to meet chicks and I was there to smash the competition. Not exactly congruent goals in the beginning but it seems to have worked out nicely.

    Prior to Artos, I met my ex while volunteering on a political campaign. I wouldn’t repeat the political part but volunteering has a lot going for it.

    Roo likes to meet chicks by hurling himself out the window at them. I don’t recommend that method.

  4. Chris

    Joining a club that’s more condusive to young heterosexual males might be an idea. Some sort of rec league sport? I dunno, I’ve always just sort of stumbled into relationships, but then again the last relationship I started was in high school, as mel mentioned.

  5. spoonman

    I shop for groceries at about 9pm on sunday night (Save-On and Superstore both open until 11 or so) and the place is filled with nothing but single guys. It’s actually kind of depressing….just a bunch of bachelors shuffling along, buying TV dinners and one piece of fruit. Every now and then, I’d make eye contact with one of them, and we’d just silently nod at each other, then continue on deciding which solo can of soup to purchase. You might hit the store then.

  6. Darren

    This is no help to you (unless you, you know, go gay), but I’m always struck by the broad (heh) range of brainy hotties at the VAG (heh, again). Plus, you’ve got conversation material right in front of your nose. It’s easy to mock art, so you can be funny, too.

    Maybe if I spread the word among single men, you can linger beside an Emily Carr and get snatched up.

  7. NetChick

    Well, darlin’ — You could start coming to my outings? I do have lots of single male friends, and I’ve been in the habit of setting people up lately (whether they know it or not). Also, I do have 2 marriages under my belt when it comes to my matchmaking, and lots of successful relationships that I’ve helped initiate as well (if you count over 6 months successful, anyhow).

    Lastly, you could do what I did… Think outside the box a bit, and get to know someone who you already have known online for a period of time, have met, and are interested in. Who knows where it’ll lead?

  8. andrea

    my school friend’s (from 8 years ago) ex-boyfriend. i broke the rule but neither one of us are friends with the girl anymore, since 8 years ago as well.

    hey, dinnerworks sounds good. tempted.

  9. SAFFE

    my ex-boyfriend used to work nearby the shop I worked at, and every once in a while we would bump into each other before I finally asked for his email =]

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  11. donna

    work. I thought I had a “no coworkers” rule, but as I’ve broken that for the last two companies/two boyfriends…I suppose it’s just the excuse I use when skeezy coworkers hit on me.

    On the upside, both coworkers ceased working there within a month of us dating. So here’s a hint to future coworkers: If you like your job, don’t date me. I’m a job wrecker.

  12. Travis

    I met my wife working together on the campus newspaper. While I think that shared social activities (dancing, art classes, etc.) are good ways to meet people, it’s even better to have a shared activity with a common goal. So think volunteering. Try a hospital program, like reading to old folks, and meet a young doc on his home turf.

    Even if you don’t meet a cutie, you’ll have cheered up someone’s day.

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  14. vio

    as i am catching up backwards (blog walking backwards) i wanted to say that i feel for you (ie been there done that) but hang in there.. it’s so worth it when mr. highstandards turns out 🙂 so. totally. worth it.

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