Special Talent

One thing that makes it really easy for me to come up with the Ridiculously High Standards is the fact that while some women make excuses for why they should stay with someone, I am unequalled in my ability to talk myself out of any potential dating/relationship scenario.

I can go from naming babies and building picket fences in my head, to wondering what special kind of crack I was on, thinking that this man was a good idea, in a matter of hours.

It’s a pretty simple process. Obsess about every single detail of the bad date or dates in your mind. Find the top 3 details that make you want to vomit. Focus on them. More. A little more now. Feeling nauseous yet? Keep going. Self-Doubt-and-Loathing set in? PERFECT!

This may take you a little longer at first. You may want to keep making excuses for the idiosyncrasies and keep thinking that it’s just one bad date, or one strange twitch. Don’t give up! In time, and with practice, your skills will improve.

And you’ll know you’ve reached a special level of bitter and jaded, when you start discounting people without even trying to. You’ll realize it when, one day, you’ve written someone off before you’ve even considered the dessert course.

Of course, once I reveal the chaos that was my Friday night, you’ll still wonder what took me so long.

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