It’s time to bring a bit of the ridiculousness back into the Ridiculously High Standards methinks.
So this time, I say that I really enjoy dating men who have good jobs. What entails “good” though? I’m glad you asked! It means their job title and description are rife with things that can sound very dirty even though they aren’t, thus enabling me to gossip euphemistically (is that even a word? it is now!) about them with my girlfriends.
For example:
Lawyer: Did he go over your briefs in great detail?
Plumber: Did he clean your pipes?
Mechanic: Did he lube the engine? Pistons firing in perfect rhythm?
Police Officer: Did he handcuff you? Give you the pat-down?
Computer Nerd of any persuasion: Did he double click your mouse? How does he handle his joystick?
But I must say, my absolute favourite is the heroic fire fighter. I’ve recently gone on a few dates with one, and here are a few phrases that have come up:
How’s his fire hose?
Did he put out your 3-alarm blaze?
How long is the ladder, and how long does the ladder stay up?
Did he do you like the firehall dalmation?
Did he have you wailing like a siren?
And, my personal favourite…
Did he rescue your kitten?
What can I say. My friends are dirty, dirty birds. Anyone wanna take a shot at outdoing them – on the firefighter, or anything else? Comment with your own creative occupational hazard…
Heehee! I already gave you the firehose one. I’m all outta funny.
The Hunter, because he always fires his gun twice, and always eats what he shoots.