She’s the Man

Seems this whole “living alone” thing has addled my brain. Instead of doing what I normally do, except alone, I’ve turned into a total bachelor. Not bachelorette… bachelor.

A list of things I have done, that I am not proud of, so far this month:

1. Made Kraft Dinner with cut up hot dogs and called it dinner.
2. Ate said KD on the couch, right out of the pot with a spork.
3. After eating my fill of the KD (I’m not so manly that I can eat a whole box in one sitting), instead of putting the leftovers in some tupperware, I just put the lid on the pot, and put THAT in the fridge.
4. Smelled my laundry to see if it was clean.
5. Febreezed it and hoped for the best when it wasn’t.
6. Told myself that my sheets could last “one more night” 6 nights in a row.
7. Removed my pants immediately upon entering the house and dropped them at the door, because it’s “more comfortable” to hang out in my underwear.
8. Drank milk directly out of the carton, without checking the date, much to my chagrin.
9. Had people over without actually cleaning anything first (if you know me, you know this NEVER happens).
10. Shuffled piles of presents/clothes/things around for the umpteenth time, because I still haven’t unpacked since I came back after spending Christmas away.
11. Left the Christmas tree & decorations up entirely too long already, with no plan for when to take them down.
12. Considered cleaning my car may be a higher priority than cleaning my apartment.

Someone please send help, before I start publicly scratching myself in inappropriate places.

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6 thoughts on “She’s the Man

  1. -j.

    I see no references to either

    (1) eating the leftover KD for breakfast, telling yourself it’s the most important meal of the day, or

    (2) porn.

    You’ve still got plenty of time.

  2. peechie Post author

    j: I packed pu the rest of the KD for lunch. So I suppose I’m still ok in that regard.

    And just because I didn’t metion the porn, doesn’t mean it isn’t there…

  3. heather

    first, there is nothing wrong with removing one’s pants immediately upon entering one’s apartment. neither is removing one’s bra without first removing one’s shirt and then hanging said bra on the closest doorknob.

    second, a lidded pot makes a perfect storage device for anything which may require stove re-heating (soup, spaghetti sauce, chili, stew). why would you wish to dirty another storage device? it is called efficiency.

    seriously, i have this living alone thing down to a science (sometimes, i think, too well). if you need any pointers, just let me know.

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