Merry Christmas, my car is a lemon.

What do you do when life hands you lemons? Blog about it.

Apparently, the underlying issue that’s been causing my car to need constant attention is that the crankshaft is damaged. Fixing that requires a rebuild of the engine. Goodbye $1500!

I didn’t need that vacation anyway.

But seriously, if anyone’s got some part-time or contract work (writing, editing, data entry, barista-ing) they could send my way, or just some good car juju - I could use it right about now.

From Paige.

(Who I found through Tony)

What happens when college jocks get bored and lonely. Nice work guys!

Say you were out in a bar on a random Monday, and you met a lovely young lady, and she had her beer goggles sufficiently affixed enough to actually give you her phone number, and you don’t actually know anything about her other than how old she is and what she does for a living. Well, when you call her and she actually agrees to go out on a date with you, you’re probably in for an interesting evening of “getting to know you.”

But when you find out her educational background and aspirations, and respond with “wow, you’re so smart! I never went to school, I’m a painter” she doesn’t have a lot to say to that. Though I can tell you what she’s thinking…

Some people are book smart, some people are life-smart. And it’s inevitable that people in one group are bound to be intimidated by people in the other. Don’t be.

While I need to be able to identify with both my friends and partners on some sort of intellectually stimulating level, and would prefer not to date a drop-out or a burn-out with no direction or aspiration in life, I don’t need someone with any sort of pedigree, or letters behind their name.

But putting yourself down because I might have letters behind my name - that’s just not cool.

You be you. That’s all I ask.

Also, if you are a girl out on a random Monday and meet a nice guy in a bar, maybe consider your blood-alcohol level before giving out your number…

I know it’s a looooooong long shot, but is there anyone out there who actually has a modicum of desire to see the Theory of a Deadman, Armchair Cynics, Hurst & Faber show at the Commodore tonight?

I picked up a pair of tickets a while ago, and am met with responses ranging from mild distaste to outright “ew”-ness at the suggestion of going to such a lame Mainstream Modern Rock Chad Kreuger production when I try to find someone to go with.

Show’s at the Commodore, doors are at 7:00pm. The ticket’s yours for $20 (I’ll eat the service charges), and it’s for CHARITY people. Do it for the kids.

Comment if you’re interested.

The Holiday bug has officially gotten me!

Every day this week the mail’s held a wee bit of cheer! Christmas Cards, the 12 Months of Chuck calendar I ordered, and my Secret Santa Gift!

And nothing puts me in the festive mood like listening to Dean Martin croon “Baby its Cold Outside” on repeat all morning. Especially when it conjures up memories of a walk I took not too long ago with a sweet boy to look at the Christmas lights in the neighbourhood.

Most of my Christmas cards are in the mail on the way to their recipients (though its not too late to request your own - email your address).

I’ve baked up a storm of tasty goodness, including Bite-Sized Cherry Cheesecakes, Mars Krispies, $250 Cookies (hoax email, tasty recipe!), and the Ultimate Christmas Peppermint Brownies.

Shopping is 98.5% done, and the gifts I have purchased are wrapped and under the tree.

I’ve got Christmas parties to attend on Friday and Saturday this weekend, and then one short week until I scamper off to the parentals’ for the festivities.

Oh babies, it’s Christmas Time!

Here’s another totally ridiculous neurosis of mine - one that puts the ‘ridiculous’ in the ridiculously high standards.

Thing is, every now and again I get into a funk (shocker, I know!). I am in a foul mood for no discernable reason, and I’m just fed up with people and life in general. The truth of the matter is that I’m probably just stressed out, or PMSing and will get over it all soon enough.

Sometimes my wee fits come on without warning. If you are unfortunate enough to be out and about with me during that time, I’ll do my best to just stay quiet and not be too much of a pickle. You know that whole “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all” schtick? Yah. That’ll be me.

And occasionally, when I’m out, and in a foul mood, something will distract me enough that I’ll be significantly less cranky - I may even crack a smile!

If that happens, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON’T DRAW ATTENTION TO IT! Don’t say “good to see you finally smiling” or “hey, you seem happier now” or “way to turn that frown upside down” (that last one is likely to make me want to rearrange your face).

For if you remind me that I’m actually having a good time in spite of myself, I’ll remember that I’d rather be surly, and will launch full-force back into the mood I started in. A sour, mean and cranky one. And now it will be directed at you. Buzzkill.

I hate epic films.

A list of movies I didn’t, and probably will never watch of my own volition: LOTR, Harry Potter, Chronicles of Narnia.

I just have no desire whatsoever to sit through 3 hours of special effects for a story I can’t be bothered to pay attention to the details of.

Give me a cheesy, mindless 148 minute romantic comedy anyday.

Otherwise, I’ll just read the book.

Here they are folks. The answers to those all-important questions you asked last week.

I’m putting them after the jump, since there’s a whole lotta content here: (more…)

Remember when I blogged about how nobody wants to be the “sock giver” at Christmas?

Well, we had the Spelunking Club Secret Santa this morning, and my Santa definitely did some research!

Apparently wishes really do come true!

You know you don’t clean your desk often enough when you go to clean it, and find your business cards from two jobs ago.

Answers coming soon…

Urge… to… KILL…..

I am not going to survive the next three weeks with Ray.

He asked me this morning to buy more coffee, since we were nearly out. I hadn’t caffeinated yet, so I just nodded.

After I left, I started thinking… uhm… I’ve made about 3 pots of coffee here since he bought the last tin (I usually hit $tarbux or Timmy’s on my way out), so he can buy more coffee if he wants it.

I get home, he’s here making more stinky food. So I say “Hey, you know, I haven’t actually made much of any coffee since you bought that one. You’re the coffee drinker - just so ya know.” I also asked what was up with him leaving the glasses out on the counter. Apparently he doesn’t want to put “my stuff” away. Uh huh.

So I lost it. And he lost it back. He thinks he’s been doing the lion’s share around here (because he’s “been buying all the paper towel and toilet paper.. but who’s keeping track”) and I think we’ve come to terms witht he fact that we do not like living with eachother.

I am seriously contemplating leaping on the “keeping track” bandwagon and calculating how much he owes of the $62 in overages due on the hydro since he moved in, or the tiny things he’s demanded get fixed or adjusted to his needs (the outlet in the bathroom for one), or how about some usage amortization on the cutlery, dishes, appliances, pots and pans of mine he uses, or maybe labour for cleaning the bathroom, since I’m the only one who does that too.

I can’t wait to tell him about having his room painted, just to see him blow up again!

Also, it’s been about 20 minutes since I originally posted this, and my heart is still all thumpity thumping with righteous indignation!

Update: I posted this around 5pm, and am re-reading at at 11:30pm. Holy Hannah I’m an uppity brat! Ah well. All the more reason not to inflict myself on others. And for the record, Ray did apologize to me after he came home from the gym. So I still win.

I’ll tell you no lies.

Apparently despite the complete and utter drivel I’ve been passing off as content, people still read. And occasionally comment.

But that’s it. I’ve run out of things to say for the moment. Nothing fun or exciting on the Homefront, Workfront, Carfront or Datingfront. I don’t even get a haircut for another week and a half.

So here’s the deal. When all else fails, ask your readers to ask you questions! But there is a twist!

I promise I’ll answer the questions truthfully. Unless doing so requires me to put something on the internet that I’m not comfortable with. In which case, I’ll make up a completely false answer. And not tell you!

At some point, I’ll reveal how many of the answers are lies - whoever guesses correctly between the lies and truths wins a prize, yet to be determined.

So, go ahead my pretties! Delurk and ask all those things you didn’t know you wanted to know about me!

I was realizing the other day that my oven looks pretty gross inside. I should clean it. I hate cleaning the oven. But if the Christmas baking is to be done, so must the oven cleaning.

Except I decided to make a roast the other day. And the oven, she gave up!

So I called the landlord. He’s buying a new one tomorrow, and the store should contact me shortly thereafter to set up a delivery time, and haul the old one away.

This means I get a new oven, and don’t even have to clean the old one!

Yay! Holiday baking, here I come!

There are some fun people that work for the Spelunking Club.

My Gay-dar is really broken.

At least I’m adorable. And kickass. And also gorgeous. And it is baffling and strange that I am not married yet. You heard it here first people - I’m a hot commodity, so get it while the gettin’s good!

I can still bring it at 5 pin bowling. Not sure if the booze helped or hindered the effort.

Creative use of nuts is highly entertaining after many drinks. I strongly suspect it would be just as amusing stone-cold sober.

Speaking of booze, I keep surprising myself with just how much I can consume and stay vertical.

No matter how well I pace myself, 11 hours of lunch-turned-pub-crawl is about my max.

Despite the 11-hour bender, I’m surprisingly un-hungover today. Fingers crossed it stays that way.

And I got the most beautiful phone call in the middle of it all… Ray found a new home!

…on the way to the blog.

I went away for the weekend. It was awesome. I was going to tell you all about it.

Instead?

I decided to call some friends and tell them about it over the phone.

Weird.