Ever since reading He’s Just Not That Into You I’ve been pretty blase about guys who don’t call back. Virtually everyone I’ve dated in the past year has just “stopped calling” at some point (a few because I ripped them apart on the world wide web and they took the hint), and it was all good, because it was obvious that things weren’t really working out anyway.
I’ve come to realize that after a less than spectacular date, the “I’ll call you sometime” really is the most polite way to give the brushoff. It’s like a code for “I don’t hate you, but I don’t really like you either, so thanks for a mostly pleasant time and have a good life.” Everyone understands it. It works.
What I don’t get is the “drop off the face of the earth” syndrome. Allow me to illustrate:
A day or two after a perfectly lovely date…
*You’ve got Mail*
Guy emails: Hi Jen, I had a really nice time the other night, I’d love to see you again, when are you free?
Self replies: Hi Guy, I had a lovely time too – when were you thinking of getting together?
Guy replies: I was hoping later this week or early next…
Self replies: I’m free dates 1,2,3. Give me a call and let me know which works best for you.
Guy: Sure, I’ll call you at/on XYZ and we’ll figure something out.
*crickets*
I happened to have a conversation the other day with someone who knows a guy who did this to me… apparently he got really busy with work, and forgot to call, and then a week or two passed and he felt like too much of an idiot to pick up the phone that late, and decided to just cut his losses. I get that if he was really interested that he’d make the effort to call – but then why bother following up on the date at all?
Guys, Is it too much trouble to ask that if you have no intention of calling me, quit saying that I should expect my phone to ring within a certain date/time range? Just use the ubiquitous “sometime” and drop the bullshit.
Unless you’re trying to shove my ambivalence across the line into distinct dislike. Because in that case, it’s working!
I was wrong. He actually read your entry about him.
I guess it falls under: “ripped them apart on the world wide web and they took the hint” instead.
I knew it! Vindication.
I should probably add he’s not the first, or last, to do that… he’s just the only one I had a “source” for…
I’d rather people were just honest about it. Seriously, how hard is that? “Yeah, sorry, I’m just not interested.” is *so* much nicer than “I’ll call!” and then not.
On the other hand, when I do the “sorry, I’m just not interested” thing, they take it personally, get snippy, then rip me apart on the world wide web. On the upside, I find this funny.
Still, the games? The games are stupid. I’m not playing. In fact, I’m going to be a giant party pooper and take my ball and go home. See how you like playing without a ball, fucker!
Donna: I’m totally with you. I had someone say to me “listen, you’re great but I’m more interested in someone else right now” and he couldn’t believe how well I took it.
I explained that after one date I was hardly planning our wedding, and it was nice to hear a reason than he start to pretend like I don’t exist.
I’ve so been there with the crickets. It’s kind of funny, in retrospect, that they even bother with the half-planning the next date via email and then disappear. It’s not like we weren’t keeping our options open for other guys, but we like to keep our records in order, right? It’s not like we’d be devastated after 1-2 dates.
I actually thought the current flavour-of-the-month (what I’m calling him) had pulled the crickets out on me, but it turned out he’d just assumed that we’d agreed on the Thursday when to me it hadn’t been completely decided and I hadn’t heard from him in several days. So he called me at work saying “I’ll be there in 5 minutes to pick you up” and I was like, “oh”. Men!