Ray’s outta here.

Locks are Changed.

I am currently dancing naked through the middle of everywhere.

Life is grand! (more…)

Courtesy of the fabulous Ms. Raspberry. I may send out a few of these once I regain consciousness on the other side of New Year’s:

———————————————-

Dear Mr. / Mrs. ___________

I am writing to apologize for my ________ behaviour the other night, and i hope that despite everything, you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I should have known there would be a problem when your ______ first brought out the ________ of _______ that was so big it needed a handle. I was nervous about meeting you for the first time, and although i can usually hold my ________, i thought that having a few ________ would help me to _________. I was obviously very very wrong.

I honestly don’t remember much between _______ with your visiting relatives and _______, but i’m told that i made quite a scene. If past experience is anything to go by, I’m guessing I whipped out my ______ and said “______” a lot. I hope i didnt’ try to sit on your husband’s / wife’s _________ or make out with your ______, but at this point, nothing would surprise me. In my mind, I was just trying to be _______. All i know is that i woke up bathed in _________, with a blinding hangover, next to your ________ in the _________ in your driveway. I’m guessing you probably saw the big pile of ______ on the table where we tried to ________, but I’m hoping you didn’t walk in while we were ________. We disposed of the _______ in the ________, so hopefully you didn’t stumble across that, but i’m sure the lingering _____ smell was unmistakable. I have a vague recollection of the _______ arriving, so I guess the person the neighbours heard at 4am shouting “________” was me. Oops. Sorry again.

I’d be happy to pay for the _________ I broke (I only threw my ________ out of it because i thought it was open) and replace the tub of ________ and the plastic ________ that went missing, and if you have any trouble getting the _______ stains and the ________ marks out of the furniture, please send me the cleaning bills.

Please accept my sincerest apologies and this _______ that I made.

For what it’s worth, all the best of the holiday season, and once again, my deepest regrets for being such a _______, ________, ________. I don’t usually show people that side of myself until the second or third meeting.

Remorsefully,

________________________

PS - if a pair of black mesh _________ you don’t recognize turn up somewhere, they’re probably mine. Since you probably never want to see me again, you may as well just keep them.

Why I need to be rid of my damn roommate.

I just got out of the shower (yes, at 2:48pm.. it’s vacation!). I am covered in lotion that is absorbing.

I am thirsty.

I can either get my robe all sticky and gooey with lotion remnants, and go get some water, or sit here and wait.

Guess which one I chose.

Thanks to everyone who commented on the last entry. It seems clear that Ray should indeed foot the entire bill for refinishing the room.

So I had a painter in for an estimate today. The verdict: $200. Coincidentally, the exact amount of Ray’s deposit. How serendipitous. The painter didn’t even know beforehand!

So now Ray is FREAK! ING! OUT!

He just came into the living room to yell at me. Literally, yelling: “This is Bullshit!” and “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?” (you being me, of course).

Because Ray really needs that damage deposit back you know! He’s a student! He has financial difficulties! I mean, he lived for four whole months without a car before his parents bought him a new one! And the fact that I made him leave in December rather than May means that his parents didn’t have time to flip one of their properties and buy a new house in Burnaby so he’d have somewhere to live on his own, instead of renting with another roommate (seriously, that was the plan). OH THE SAD, SAD TRAGEDY!

Unfortunately, I am an unreasonable bitch who is totally unsympathetic to his plight.

You better believe I’m gonna ensure his entire deposit is taken up with refinishing that room. That, and changing the locks, because his outburst has frightened me enough that I don’t know what he may do… (UPDATE: not actually frightened for my physical safety, but I wouldn’t put it beyond him to wreck some stuff or be generally careless when he’s moving out.)

It can’t be healthy to feel this much rage toward someone. I don’t really wanna leave him here alone (see the aforementioned paragraph), but I’m also SEETHING. Anyone wanna come visit and distract me for a while in the next night or two? I promise I won’t take any of it out on you…

I just informed Ray that he’s going to have to pay for the refinishing of his room. He’s obviously not pleased about it. (Reminder of the state of Ray’s walls here.)

I’ve yet to get a painter in for an estimate, but I’ve told Ray that the cost of filling the holes and painting the room will come out of his damage deposit.

Ray has argued back that the room will be in better condition than it was when he moved in, since it didn’t have fresh paint when he arrived. Therefore, while he has no problem with covering the cost of filling the holes, he doesn’t think he should pay for the entirety of the paint job.

My argument is that had he not punched hundreds of tiny holes in the walls, the room wouldn’t need to be painted at all. And I’m certainly not going to take on the financial responsibility of painting it after he leaves, because it will have to be done eventually. There’s no way of repairing that particular damage to the point it was at when he moved in. If there was a finish called “two year old paint job” then you can be sure I’d have that put on the walls.

But really, if he broke or damaged something concrete, such as a dish, and was asked to replace it, I wonder if he’d try to amortize how long I’ve had that dish, and what condition it was in, and just give me his perceived “actual value”, instead of buying a new one to replace it?

I’m so fed up, I’m about thisclose to starting in on a very politically incorrect “Cheap and Stingy Asian Person” tirade (though I won’t…).

So what I want to know is this: Would you give Ray a break on the cost of painting, since the room wasn’t freshly painted when he moved in? Or would you stick him with the whole cost, since it wouldn’t need to be fixed if he hadn’t ruined it in the first place?

And just like that, it’s all pretty much over.

Gifts have been given and received, family’s come and gone, food’s been created and consumed.

I’m currently curled up in one of two new sets of cozy pj’s, reflecting on the holiday. I got my very own Christmas miracle this year, and managed to be left to my own devices enough to plow through the 2nd half of “Memoirs of a Geisha” and all of “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban” in just 2.5 days.

I had a lovely, reminiscent Christmas story all ready to post for y’all this morning, but I got too caught up making waffles for the family. And sometimes, that’s the way it should be. Maybe I’ll save it for next year.

I hope everyone’s Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanza/Festivus/Solstice/Sunday was exactly what you wanted, and best wishes for the best of the rest of 2005!

Well, I’ve made it back to the homestead. Did a little last-minute shopping with dad, a little last-minute baking with mom, a little drinking and commisserating with the brothers, and it looks like I’ve got nothing left to do but relax and enjoy myself from here on in.

Hope your holidays are happy, wherever you are and whatever you celebrate.

From the WaterCooler to you, Merry Christmas!

I don’t really check out my search strings and stats that often, but I decided to take a look today, and oh boy are there ever some gems in there!

shannon dougherty breasts - 90210-DD?
i found you and boyfriend video sex tape - If I had a boyfriend, and we had made a sex tape, I might be worried instead of amused.
i have 80000 pounds to invest what do i do - I’ll be happy to take it off your hands!
deterring roommates who steal - I hear the Middle Eastern countries have a good tactic for dealing with thieves…
dutch drinking songs glug glug glug - I wish I knew some. Again, if you find them, let me know!
andrei rieu cranky - If I had that hair, I’d be cranky too!
cuba garlic festival 2006 - now *that* sounds like a vacation!
linda davidson aquarius yaletown - linda? are you there?
merry christmas mice - and rats, and gerbils, and rodents everywhere! Happy New Year too!
how to deal with crazy roommates - eviction.
pleats on pants - just don’t.
narcissism and breakups - this person was *obviously* looking for me specifically
people drinking to much water that causes big boobs - don’t tease me like that!
kelly clarkson childhood injuries - maybe she fell off her bike? that’s my excuse
bikini wax etiquette - is that like people who “clean up” before their housekeeper comes?
dr. linda davidson - paging Dr. Linda… again…

It was nice. Tentative plans for next week are in place

Finally, after years of consideration and public consultation, the CRTC has issued a decision that requires all Canadian wireless providers to have implemented the technology to support number portability by March 2007 (by releasing their numbers), and to support that technology by September 2007 (by accepting the newly released numbers).

I know I can say that it’s only the lack of number portability that’s kept me from switching wireless providers. While “new-sign-up” deals are sweet, they require I abandon my current number, and I’m just not willing to do that every two years. Through 5 years and 4 addresses, my wireless number has been the only thing that’s stayed constant for people to contact me. I also happen to like the number, and the fact that it’s a 604 instead of a 778 area code. I don’t know why… I just do.

Now I’m curious to see what kind of retention deals the mobile companies will put in place. At this point, all I get when I renew my contract is a few dollars off a new phone. Perhaps now that they can’t hold my number hostage they’ll work a bit harder to keep my business.

…Solstice.

…First Day of Winter.

…2nd to last day of work before I go on holidays!

That’s the car’s new name. She’s been upgraded from J’Lo. Because she’s just THAT demanding.

Now that I am a little over $900 poorer the car seems to be running well. The mechanic is so convinced his work is going to hold (he refused to say one way or the other before it was done) that he’ll still honour his 1 year parts and labour warranty, and he hopes he doesn’t see me for a long time.

For the car geeks out there: the crankshaft was a little damaged, the main sprocket was a lot damaged and cracked, and the key-way was all but destroyed. The bulk of the damage to these parts is because (thanks to a home-mechanic somewhere) a washer in the sprocket was missing. In order to mask these issues, the harmonic balancer and timing belt were installed incorrectly, and the ignition timing was set way off. The fix (once it was found) was to get a new key-way and sprocket, and manufacture a custom washer for inside the sprocket. The crankshaft is still in good enough condition that those are holding well. After that it was a matter of re-setting the timing belt, and re-installing all of the pulleys in correct alignment (which had been impossible with the damaged sprocket).

Overall I’m pretty pleased with the work and service. Yes, I paid for 6 hours of labour, and most of that was diagnostic time. The car had a few more hours of labour put into her while they dug out the problem, got some new parts, machined the custom washer, and put it all back together again that I wasn’t charged for.

The belt noises that I’ve been complaining about to several different mechanics (some of whom were happy to take my $200, do something to the car, and claim that the noise was “harmless” but wouldn’t go away) is finally gone. The gutless wonder actually has power again, and I don’t wonder if it’ll climb hills or not.

I’m honestly still pretty gun-shy about taking her out on the freeway or any further than the reaches of transit, just in case she decides to throw a tantrum again, so I can at least get home.

The plan going forward is still up in the air. I do still plan on selling this car, but the prospect of buying a new car right now was going to put some serious financial stresses on. So I’m holding off on that. I’m going to drive her around for a few weeks, and see how she treats me. Any further major work required will mean I park her and go carless for the forseeable future.

In the meantime, I’m going to put my faith in Car-ma, make an offering to Tarmack, God of good driving, and hope this was the end of that particular repair road.

I have recently discovered that if someone says “you’re such a great catch” (occasionally preceeded by “I don’t know why you’re single, because…) I am likely to be overcome with an insatiable urge to cause them bodily harm.

That is all. Carry on.

Ever since reading He’s Just Not That Into You I’ve been pretty blase about guys who don’t call back. Virtually everyone I’ve dated in the past year has just “stopped calling” at some point (a few because I ripped them apart on the world wide web and they took the hint), and it was all good, because it was obvious that things weren’t really working out anyway.

I’ve come to realize that after a less than spectacular date, the “I’ll call you sometime” really is the most polite way to give the brushoff. It’s like a code for “I don’t hate you, but I don’t really like you either, so thanks for a mostly pleasant time and have a good life.” Everyone understands it. It works.

What I don’t get is the “drop off the face of the earth” syndrome. Allow me to illustrate:

A day or two after a perfectly lovely date…

*You’ve got Mail*

Guy emails: Hi Jen, I had a really nice time the other night, I’d love to see you again, when are you free?

Self replies: Hi Guy, I had a lovely time too - when were you thinking of getting together?

Guy replies: I was hoping later this week or early next…

Self replies: I’m free dates 1,2,3. Give me a call and let me know which works best for you.

Guy: Sure, I’ll call you at/on XYZ and we’ll figure something out.

*crickets*

I happened to have a conversation the other day with someone who knows a guy who did this to me… apparently he got really busy with work, and forgot to call, and then a week or two passed and he felt like too much of an idiot to pick up the phone that late, and decided to just cut his losses. I get that if he was really interested that he’d make the effort to call - but then why bother following up on the date at all?

Guys, Is it too much trouble to ask that if you have no intention of calling me, quit saying that I should expect my phone to ring within a certain date/time range? Just use the ubiquitous “sometime” and drop the bullshit.

Unless you’re trying to shove my ambivalence across the line into distinct dislike. Because in that case, it’s working!

Why is it that the first day my car’s outta commission and I can’t work from home so I have to take the peasant wagon (read: mass transit) to work it starts to rain and doens’t look like it’ll stop any time soon?

Three point five more days until eleven off.

P.S. I’m not actually as grouchy as I seem….