RHS #14 – Never Go Back, A Handy Guide for Avoiding Heartache

9 thoughts on “RHS #14 – Never Go Back, A Handy Guide for Avoiding Heartache”

  1. Ah, I sooo hear ya, Jen. I now keep a “here’s why we absolutely cannot ever be together” journal (complete with copies of unhealthy correspondence and thoughts I had when I was deeply hurt), not that I need that with any of my ex’s, but my last one certainly made me start it. The daily reminders I get still from a certain someone, although completely unnecessary these days, are actually quite humourous, and make me remember why I will never ever look back again. I cherish my good friends, I tell ya! šŸ™‚

    Bottom line? I think us girls look back when we lose confidence. It’s not that that past relationship was what we are seeking now, it is simply that many women hate being alone and it’s easy to forget why we left the arms of another who will say or do anything to have that level of intimacy again.

  2. In the guy’s defense, he may have been sincere….initially…when he thought there was no chance of a hook-up (perhaps he really thought it would be nice to hang out)…..BUT once even the slightest hint of “more” appeared, he went into horny guy mode (in cartoons, this is shown with the classic Tex Avery Wolf hitting himself on the head with his own shoe).
    That’s just the way we are. And for my gender, I apologize.

  3. Thanks all šŸ™‚

    Anon: I’m going on the assumption that I wouldn’t have to worry about this at all if I didn’t feel like I wanted to be with a person. It’s all about whether I should or should not “go for it” – and if I’m likely to get my heart trounced on by doing so.

  4. I sympathize, but I have to weigh in on the ‘never go back’ rule.

    I dated Will for a few months back in college in an ill-fated relationship that ended in fiery fiery doom. Years later when we met up to catch up, we started dating again and now we’re engaged. In our case, the problem seemed to be time. We both needed to grow up, and now we’re right for each other when we weren’t before. I realize that’s not going to be the case in every ‘second time around’ scenario, but I just wanted to mention that there are exceptions to the rule.

    I don’t think a blanket ‘never go back’ rule is the thing, but it is important to think about why you broke up the first time, and be honest with yourself about whether those problems continue today.

  5. Very true. Sometimes years pass and that person who wasn’t right for you before is now. And there are exceptions to every rule.

    I’m referring more to the whole “reconsideration a month or so later” epidemic, when you both realize you’re both still alone, and think that maybe “it wasn’t so bad before….”

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