This one’s for the boys. Hear that boys? I have a problem! This is where you solve it in the comments! Isn’t that what your species does when us wimmens complain? Ok, hop to it…
In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m a girl. The other thing you may not have noticed is that I like nice things.
I like nice things that girls like, like fancy flatware and china and diamonds and exotic flowers and designer shoes.
I also like nice things that boys like, like aston martins and surround sound audio systems and kajillion inch LCD Displays and cool gadgets.
And I like nice things that nearly everyone likes, like great food and good wine and live music.
The problem seems to arise when I talk about nice things with boys. They seem to assume that my appreciation for nice things means I want them to buy me nice things. This is absolutely not true. While I like nice things, and I sometimes acquire nice things for myself, I don’t expect anyone else to supply me with nice things.
At most, it’d be nice to find someone who shares my appreciation of nice things, so I don’t get slack for acquiring them from whoever becomes my significant other (as has happened in the past).
I usually avoid bringing the nice things into conversation, but if someone shows up with a nice car, I’d like to be able to say “hey, nice car!” without them thinking it’s anything but appreciation for a nice car, or that it actually matters in terms of what I think of them as a person.
So, what do I do?
See, I think here you’re fighting a 10,000-year tradition of the feminine subtle hint…
“Oh, Japeth, I surely love the curl of that kudu’s horn. I imagine it’d make a lovely goblet or, you know, sconce.”
Sorry, too obscure?
In short, we’re programmed to listen for cues as to what you like. After all, don’t women’s magazines regularly advise their readers to drop hints or take a boy window shopping to educate him on what they like?
What you didn’t discuss in this post is the sort of gifts you do like. That might help me form a sensible strategy.
I agree with Darren – we are hard wired to pick up on these hints… The only problem is some of us have Hi-Fi while other guys seem to be stuck with some old gear from Radio Shack.
I too have a solid appreciation for the finer gadgets that technology teases us with everyday. I would absolutely love to find someone that could keep up with me on the techno garble and be able to knowledgeably purchase a swingin’ new gadget for ME!
For the ladies…unless we were to share in a mutual gadget buying frenzy, don’t hold your breath. If you think I am feeling pressured to by you toys… give your head a shake. I am very selfish! – I suffer from “Me first and the Gimmie Gimmies” Syndrome! – š
What should you do? SHow up in a nicer car! Just kidding.
Seriously, if the guy is threatened by his date having expensive tastes, then do you really want to be dating him? Perhaps this can be the test that eliminates a guy and sends him to the scrapheap.
Find a guy that accepts that you like shiny toys, and he may be a keeper. Buy him something nice!
Weighing in from a girl’s perspective… I agree that this is a Catch-22 situation. Yes, you want a guy who’s going to pick up on your tastes so he manages to buy good birthday and christmas gifts. However, you don’t want to have to be constantly reassuring him that every time you comment on a nice thing you see, you’re not necessarily fishing for a gift.
I don’t know if there’s any middle ground between the guy who “overgifts” and the guy who “undergifts”. The undergifter is usually less of a guilt trip, but they also tend to be less generous in other areas of relationships as well.
I think it’s perhaps a matter of taking an undergifter and training him gradually to understand the sorts of things and occasions that are appropriate for gifts. (And any other kinds of gentle tutelage in other areas of relationships, as required).
But then of course you have to be aware of whether a guy’s an undergifter because they lack experience, or they’re genuinely stingy. The stingy ones can never be changed.
See, gifting didn’t even figure into my initial thought process! That’s perhaps part of the problem. I say I like “stuff” boy thinks “must buy girl stuff.”
Frankly, I make no qualms about saying “I want XYZ for [insert gifting occasion here].” Other than that, I don’t really think about it.
So, knowing that, how do I manage to talk about “stuff” and get across that it’s just a conversation and not a “hint”?
Using your car analogy, and from the male perspective, I’d say a good way to show you’re not trying to be a leach is to offer more than a passing comment.
“Wow… nice car!! What’s the engine? How do you find the handling? What’s the mileage like?”
While these may seem somewhat cheesy, it demonstrates that it’s an actual interest in the car, as opposed to the money required to buy said car.
Other comments to defer thoughts of tire-biting include ‘I like it, but I doubt I’d ever wear it’ (a sure way to guarantee a guy not to buy something – they want you to wear/ use what they buy you) or ‘I’m saving up for one’ (smart guys will recognize this as a mark of independance). Other snippets such as ‘I’m waiting for V2.0’ and ‘V1.5 is so much better than V1.0’ show knowledge and interest, while not suggesting the acquisition factor.
As always, just one person’t opinion. Your mileage may vary.