Buff the Stuff

Since my usual gym is undergoing renovations, I’ve been a) slacking off and b) occasionally venturing out to another gym when I feel like I can’t take the sloth any more. Turns out the “other gym” is actually Colene’s gym.

Oh my god everything she says about the place is TRUE. The prissy girls, the meatheads, the inconsiderate, idiotic gym users. ALL OF IT.

The meatheads are especially bad. When I ask if you’re using a bench, I don’t mind if you say yes, and actually use it as part of your weight lifting routine. But when you use it as a perch upon which to preen and gossip with your friends, while occasionally picking up a 20lb dumb-bell (which, dude, *I* can lift those – you’re not impressing anyone), I’m going to give you stink-eye.

I have to say the highlight of my evening though, was encountering some dude on the rowing machine. Now most people at a gym have ZERO clue how to use a rowing machine. I’ll admit, it’s not easy to use properly, and VERY EASY to look like an absolute tool on and actually cause yourself some serious injury. This is why most people tend to stay away from them in favour of the eliptical or treadmill.

But not Mister Steeler! (he was decked out in Pittsburgh garb head to toe). He looked like the High School Quarterback gone bad. Big, beefy dude with no neck and beady little eyes. Though he wasn’t so much solid as he was just big. He’s what Samoans would look like if they were red-headed Irish giants, instead of Polynesian.

Dude was using the machine to do some bastardized version of a bicep curl. As if heaving on the chain while gliding back and forth on his ass was actully doing anything for his arms (hint, it doesn’t. Improper use of a rowing machine will just isolate all the pressure in your lower back and hurt you). Then he decided to switch it up, and started pulling the chain up over his head! It looked like he was half rowing, half doing the wave!

That’s when I lost it. I couldn’t help it… I broke down hysterically laughing then and there. On the gym floor. Out loud busted a gut at the meathead on the rowing machine.

He glared.

I tried to apologize… I said “Sorry… I think you just won some sort of award for Most Creative Use of an Ergometer.”

Meathead: “Erg…. what?… (more glaring)”

Me: “Ergometer… Rowing Machine… Nevermind…”

And I giggled all the damn way to the weight room to find some other meathead to amuse me.

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8 thoughts on “Buff the Stuff

  1. 'nee

    That is awesome. For the cost of gym membership, they should really have people walking around making sure that people are using the equipment correctly. I just bought myself a treadmill and never looked back 🙂

  2. Jen

    I’m currently living in France, and the gym is a NIGHTMARE! Not only are the people trapped in the 80s when it comes to exercise mentality, but so are the machines. I’m constantly waiting for people to stop chatting and actually use a machine… They just set their stuff around it or on it and then talk, and yes, occasionally lift something, look in the mirror, and then talk some more. I’ve seen several guys also use a machine, then notch up to a higher weight before they walk away, so that the person coming after them might be impressed by the heafty amount of weight (that they didn’t actually lift). Also, at my gym in the states I had some great trainers who taught me completely how to use the machines properly, and how to adjust things, get the best workout, work different muscles, etc… And I was doing something completely ordinary by US gym standards, and the trainer/employee actually came up to me and gave me a tisk tisk and acted as though the machine couldn’t be used that way… Ooh ooh! Also, in the “classes” the instructor just stands in the back of the room and yells what to do, doesn’t lead at all, which makes it difficult since my French is not top-notch. Anyway, I think the spaz you saw on the rowing machine tops all that, that’s ridiculous! =)

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