Vancouver is a small, small city.
I went out on a date with another someone from Lavalife this past weekend, and it turns out he’s a recent ex of a local blogger I “know.” Not that we know eachother offline at all, but we’ve been reading, and occasionally commenting on eachother’s blogs for the better part of the past couple years. I do believe we have at least one real, live, in-the-flesh friend in common.
This means I’ve read about Lavaguy and Local Blogger’s relationship. Not a lot, since she doesn’t write much intensely personal stuff in detail… but some.
So the question is, does this fit into the realm of dating a friend’s ex? Except without the friend part? I’ve heard a one-sided perspective about their relationship, and do have a few (nothing hugely negative or opinion forming or anything like that) preconceived notions about Lavaguy.
I even, when talking to friends who read Local Blogger, refer to him by the pseudonym she gave him on her blog.
And every guy has a schtick – some little signature move that they use on girls they’re dating to show interest, gauge response, and reel us in that much closer. When Lavaguy pulled out a couple things that felt deja vu familiar, I immediately remembered Local Blogger writing about a couple things he did or said when they were dating. Of course when I got home that night I checked her website to make sure I wasn’t making things up in my head. And I wasn’t. And in that moment, the magic died.
Now here’s the part where I get a little extra crazy: from what Local Blogger puts out on her website for the world to read, she seems like a perfectly lovely specimen of a human being. And after our date, Lavaguy seems like a fairly normal person too.
So, as is fitting for my own personal brand of neurotic, I can’t help but wonder, where did they go wrong? Is she actually crazy, or is he hiding some strange bit of himself under the surface that will cause me to turn tail and run as soon as I discover it?
At this point, I think my biggest motivation for going on a second date with him would be to satisfy my own curiosity in getting to know a person that I’ve only read about online, and see how well he matches up with the picture painted in my head of who I think he might be. Our date, while a good time, wasn’t anything remarkable, but I want to see if he’ll suggest the same books, or exhibit the same quirks (and if I’ll find them adorable or annoying) as he did with Local Blogger.
However, while it may make for some good storytelling, there is a real person involved, and my diva streak stops just short of using people solely as toys for my own amusement. So I’ll probably put the kaibash on the whole thing if he suggests another date and try to shelve my curiosity about this one.
Maybe one of them was just crap in bed. Keep your fingers crossed it was her. Someone who’s blog you read doesn’t make her a friend, maybe an acquaintance, so it doesn’t count as dating a friend’s ex.
if it’s me (and i’m *just* egocentric enough to think that it could be – haha) , i can tell you we sure didn’t break up because the sex was crap. 😉
I don’t think it counts as dating a friend’s ex. She’ll probably think it’s funny if she finds out. A story to trot out at parties.
And how do you know he’s the problem? Maybe things didn’t work out. Sometimes that’s just how it goes. If you’re really feeling weird about it, ask her.