Last weekend I made a run for the border, quite literally, and took a last-minute trip down to Bellingham to stock up on some goods I can only obtain in America.
Even though the countries are practically kissing cousins, according to the American-but-Permanent-Canadian-Resident friend I went with, I was SO OBVIOUSLY CANADIAN that I may as well have a Maple Leaf tattooed on my forehead.
Exhibit A: Stopping first for pre-shopping fuel, we went to Taco Bell. I was smaller than most 11-year olds in the restaurant. And also, noticably overwhelmed by the sheer volume of my soft drink. I swear, if Americans across the country would just take the sizes of their soft drinks at Fast Food outlets down a notch or two, they’d have no need to be interested in buying Canadian Water.
Speaking of Taco Bell… American Taco Bell is SO DIFFERENT from the plonk they pass off as Taco Bell in Canada. Three words: Cheezy Crunch Gordita. It’s all I can think about. Sitting in the border lineup to come home, I wanted to turn around and go get another one. And another. And another. In fact, I want one right now – for breakfast! Don’t even get me started on the Nachos Bell Grande…
Exhibit B: When we walked into Target I insitinctively walked through the manual doors (since they were closer after all) which required I actually used my arms to open them, instead of taking 4 more steps to use the automatic doors.
Exhibit C: Shopping around Target, I was quite literally the ONLY person who used a basket for my goods, instead of instantly hunting down a Hummer Sized giant red cart.
Exhibit D: I expressed awe and amazement (in fact, I think I stopped and just stared for at least 45 seconds) at the fact that there is an entire Liquor section in Target – that whole buying alcohol outside of a separately licensed liquor store never ceases to amaze me!
Exhibit E: I got all confused by the money, as usual. You mean I have to read the numbers on the paper, instead of just picking the one with the right colour? Sheesh.
But despite my handicap more obvious than a moose in the middle of the highway, I did manage to return to the True North Strong and Free with enough stuff from Method and Bath and Body Works to choke a pony.
I really hope those product lines make it up to Canada soon, it would save me from looking like a fool every time I wanted dish detergent and body lotion. But until then, I’ll do my best to be less conspicuous on future visits – just please let me come back for the Gorditas.