The major reason for the spontaneous combustion of the not-quite-relationship I just got out of, was the gross misrepresentation on the part of the guy (let’s call him Mike, cuz that’s his name, and I told you that already) about exactly who he is and what he’s about.
Let’s just say that when we discussed our personalities waaaaay back in the beginning, I said I was a certain personality type. He claimed he was a certain personality type that I happen to get along with quite well. As time went on, he said he’s really a personality type that I don’t get along with all that well, but he really wants to explore the side of him that’s the type I do get along with. That wasn’t exactly the truth either. Confused yet?
I never made any illusions about who I was or what I was about. Then one day he tried to persuade me to change. That was the day I knew it would never work out. And it wasn’t a little change he wanted – this was way outside my comfort zone. So far that I’d need a passport and probably a special visa to get there.
Had I known who he really was from the beginning, I would’ve put the kaibash on the whole thing before it even got started. He’s a nice guy, but knowing who he really is from the beginning would’ve saved us both from a couple of fairly awkward months. I just don’t get the point in pretending to be something you’re not. You’ll never find what you want that way.
And now, just because I can, a list of totally petty things that I would’ve been willing to overlook, but drove me UP. THE. WALL. about this guy:
-HORRIBLE Kisser. Like, worst I’ve ever encountered. Sad but true. Although he can, Man should not kiss with (stiff lips and) tongue alone. Picture if you will (or don’t if you’d prefer not to): open mouth, seal it with other open mouth, swirl tongue around while leaving lips completely still. Drooling ensues.
-He wore pants with pleats. PLEATS!
-Goofy teeth! (Not horribly goofy, but I’m strangely hyper-sensitive about teeth.) For Christ’s sake, your father is a doctor! Don’t tell me you couldn’t have had braces when you were younger!
-No sense of humour. I know I’m completely un-funny, but at least I make an effort, which is usually amusing enough in and of itself. Not being able to take a joke is a total dealbreaker.
So there you have it.
Upon reflection, I think I only stuck around as long as I did because I was just so amazed that I found someone I didn’t immediately hate after the 2nd date, and I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with that. Now I know: wait a couple months, and it’s quite likely I’ll find something worth dumping him over!
So Mike, NO SOUP FOR YOU!