The Apathy has Taken Over Me

Shortly after I finished ranting and raving at one of my best friends the other day, he looked me dead in the eyes and said:

You are such a GIRL. Have I taught you NOTHING?

It was just the kick in the teeth I needed to finally make me realize what a chump I am capable of being.

As lovable as I am, I sometimes forget that some people’s issues will prevent them from seeing me for the goddess that I clearly am. I know, my sheer awesomeness is just too much for some people. Have I also mentioned that I’m modest?

All that aside though, I am just not feelin’ it with the new guy. And his behaviour as I’ve relayed it to numerious friends demonstrates that he’s probably not all that into me either. As time goes by, the guy I seem to be dating now strays further and further from the person I thought I was getting to know. Which is nothing short of remarkable, because I hardly feel like I know him at all. It’s not from lack of trying, but every time I try to have a serious conversation, he turns it in another direction – either that, or suddently decides it’s time for sleep. Granted, we’re both busy people and sleep is a precious commodity, but in this case, it also seems like a coping mechanism.

He says he knows he “plays his hand close to his chest” and that I shouldn’t take it personally, and that I should keep prodding him. But I do have a bit of self-respect hiding in here somewhere. I’m not about to drag someone’s heart out of their chest to claim it as my own. A heart not given freely isn’t one worth having.

The best relationship advice I’ve ever heard is from a former co-worker of mine, describing how he knew his fiancee was “the one,”

I knew things were different with Julia, because right from the get-go it was so easy to be together. Everything always clicked – it’s never been that easy with anyone else. And from what I’ve experienced before, it never ever gets any easier than that first period of time when you’re falling in love with eachother. When being with her was so easy and felt so right, I knew I had a good thing and I shouldn’t let it go.

That’s how the beginning was with any former boyfriends whom I’ve really, truly loved. Easy. The answer to everything was always just being together – the rest worked itself out. And it always did get harder, and ultimately the relationships didn’t survive.

But I do know what falling in love with someone who’s falling in love with you feels like.

And this isn’t it.

UPDATE: And I grew some balls, and it’s over. No hard feelings, no regrets. BRING ON THE BOYS!

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6 thoughts on “The Apathy has Taken Over Me

  1. -j.

    Every problem has two solutions: the easy one, and the right one. Decide what is best for you, and those who appreciate your sheer awesomeness will support you throughout.

  2. Devon

    Clarity is such a fabulous thing, isn’t it? You’re a wonderful person and I’m glad you know it! Like I’ve always said: whatever feels right probably is, and no beating yourself up if it doesn’t. 🙂

    Call me sometime soon, k? I have ten million times more free time than you do, so it’s best if you do the calling, but yeah.. I wanna chat! I would also settle for your MSN info. 🙂

  3. Darren

    Way to grow a pair. Can I borrow them? I had to surrender mine on my way into “Must Love Dogs” this afternoon.

    I shall alert the boys. Sadly, as is always the case, all the single men I know are losers.

  4. NetChick

    I hate it when you have to be the one to put your foot down, and let the other person know what you both obviously feel in your heart.

    That’s the hard part, but, it is also easier to move ahead when you own your own decision.

    Good for you, girl. You’ll become emotionally available for someone else who will come along sooner than you think.

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