The Roommate Saga

And on it goes. Apparently I am not allowed to have consistently awesome roommates. The laws of the universe have dictated that roommates must alternate between super-awesome, and INSANE.

The next episode in the crazy Ray saga is that now, he has decided that my brother Ryan hates him. Or something.

This is a long one.. you’ve been warned (sorry for the extra click Heather!)

Ray was informed before he was even offered the place that my brother would be a weekly visitor to the apartment, crashing on the couch once or twice a week depending on his work schedule. He comes in at around 10:30 at night, and leaves at about 7:00am the next day – so he’s not exactly intruding on anything. And he’s not interrupting anyone’s plans for weekend debauchery – we’re talking Wednesday or Thursday nights.

Last Thursday was the first time Ray and Ryan met – I didn’t think I needed to be around to mediate the meeting, so I wasn’t home. Everything seemed to go fine, until I called Ray a week later to let him know that Ryan would be over this week again. He seemed ok on the phone, but sent me a text message two hours later:

hi Jen. plz Ensure no Shower Holdup. he also Seemed agitated At Meeting Me. not Cool Since I Live There Now. just Venting

What the everloving fuck is that about? I replied

plz dont vent to my sms

So of course the phone rang about 5 minutes after that.

I asked Ray if there had been a problem with my brother last week. All he said was that my brother looked at him like Ray had spit in his face when he introduced himself. Now many people have met my brother, and while he can be a bit surly at times, mostly they say he looks a little like Justin Timberlake (which he does) and drinks like a Sailor (which he is). Never have they said he looked at them like he was about to kill them (unless he was about to kill them).

Obviously I know my brother. And from what I know of Ray (the hypersensitive, tightly wound, anal retentive flincher), I’m going to say that Ray is FUCKED UP.

I also asked Ray if there had been any sort of problem with my brother hogging the bathroom the last time he was over (my brother’s a flaming metrosexual, and spends more time grooming than I do) – but no. Apparently that was fine too. Ray was just making a pre-emptive strike at a problem he thought might happen.

I was all ready to lay the smack down on Ray when I got home Wednesday night and tear him a new one for being such a dipshit. But I got a new text after being home for about an hour:

Hi Jen. i Wont B Home 2nite. maybe 2morrow Also. i Respect U As The Landlord And Im Optimistic About Future Living With U. have A Gnite.

Uh huh. So he’s going to crash on his friend’s couch just so he doesn’t have to interact with my trained-killer-but-usually-harmless brother.

I REALLY need to live alone.

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