If you don’t currently peruse The Morning News at least once a week (especially the Non-Expert column), you’re definitely missing out.
Today they bring us 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover
Simonâ€™s song, from 1975â€™s Still Crazy After All These Years, quotes some mysterious woman as saying there must be 50 ways to leave your lover, allowing lazy songwriter Simon to only offer five ways in the chorus: to â€œslip out the back, Jack; make a new plan, Stan; you donâ€™t need to be coy, Roy; hop on the bus, Gus; just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free.â€
But what about escape routes for the worldâ€™s homosexual Daves? The worldâ€™s distraught Margos and emotionally damaged Bills? No worries, relationship-haters, this Non-Expert is happy to help fill the gap olâ€™ Rhyminâ€™ Simon left 30 years ago…
Or you could just do what I do, and leave before they wake up in the morning….