Ya’ll really want to hear why I figure dating is so damn difficult. I’m totally copping out and ripping this entry off from someone else, but at least I’ll give credit where credit is due. And besides which, Anna Broadway of Sexless in the City has just found supporting evidence for something I’ve been struggling with for a long, long time.
From the New York Times:
Too many options may drive consumers away. [… P]eople who chose one chocolate from a selection of 30 expressed more regret and uncertainty about their decision than those who chose among six kinds. That’s because with 29 other options, there is a bigger chance of losing out on something better.
[…] The key is whether people understand their choices, said Richard H. Thaler, an economist at the University of Chicago. “People have to know what their preferences are and they have to know how the options they have map onto their preferences,†he said.
This might be easy when choosing between chocolate and vanilla ice cream. But it gets progressively more difficult as the number of flavors increases. When the risks are high and the decisions complex — as when choosing between medical procedures or investment portfolios — consumers may become easily flummoxed.
The same could be said for being a “consumer of men” (woah oh here she comes….). Living in a multicultural city like Vancouver means there is a huge variety of people from different social, cultural and ethnic backgrounds. Each of which have their distinct advantages, and drawbacks. And I really like a little bit of everything and every one. I’m assuming things would be much different, and my choice much easier, if I lived in a small whitebread “Anywhere USA” kind of place where the residents and the scope of people I’d encounter on any given day were much more homogeneous.
As it stands now, everyone I’ve dated in the past months has embodied many of the qualities that I’ve been exposed to and admire in a partner. Unfortunately, nobody has come close to having all of them. And I’m starting to seriously doubt that anyone ever will. And that bothers me. I know there’s definitely an aspect of opportunity-cost when making any decision. But no matter where I turn, I feel like there’s a sacrifice to be made. I feel like I have no choice but to “settle.”
Hmmm…good points made. I think I’ve been able to ascertain what I want in a girlfriend. I’m finding those attributes all coupled in one person, very hard to find. I think eventually I’ll ‘settle’. But the problem being, I don’t know if it would sit well with me though…that is, selecting the ‘alternate’ choice. I certainly want to be the first and only choice in someone’s mind. Oh well, love is difficult. I’ll get myself a dog instead…:).
I guess it comes down to knowing yourself. I was an indecisive person for a very long time. I imagine it comes with age or experience or something: but eventually it’s this prideful kind of thing to make a choice about something and stick with it. (As long as you’re flexible and willing to change your mind if those ideas are dangerous or destructive — whatever.) Sounds sappy, but at some point everyone just needs to decide what kind of person they are and to hell with all the other choices. Me, I’m a choclate-covered maraschino cherry kind-of-guy, so that’s what I pick when someone cracks open a box of Pot’o’Gold. I’ve decided. No regrets, and then on with the rest of my day.
I refuse to settle.
There’s a difference between settling and compromising. A lot of stuff I’d like isn’t a requirement, it’s just a bonus. However, for my requirements? No compromising. A dealbreaker is a dealbreaker.
I’d rather be single than be with someone who wasn’t just right.
On the other hand, I don’t have too many dealbreakers, so it’s not as difficult as all that. 🙂
And what Brad says really connects for me… the older I get (and the more failed relationships I have…) the more I’m narrowing down exactly what I want in a partner. Now if I could just combine the what I liked about each of my ex’s into one person, I’d be set…