The first audiobook I finished today was “He’s just not that into you” – the hugely popular relationship book from a pair of writers from Sex & the City.
I originally grabbed it because I figured it’d be good for a laugh – and the writers are indeed hilarous. Then, as so many others have found, one of the excuses hit home. Specifically when Greg said “Do you really want to be four years into a relationship before you finally wake up and realize that the guy you’re with is a selfish jackass?” Then I nearly dove under my desk wondering where they were and how they found me. That’s exactly what I did. In fact, I could pinpoint 90% of the excuses outlined in that book as things I’d said about my ex. Ouch.
It’s a great he said/she said format, Greg sticks firmly to the point that “If your options are feeling shitty being single, or feeling shitty in a shitty relationship, the only options you have left open to yourself are feeling shitty. And that is stupid. At least leave the shitty relationship so you just feel shitty alone, and are still open to the opportunity to happiness.”
But that alone isn’t enough – it’s nothing we haven’t told ourselves already. The kicker is that Liz follows up with reasons why getting to this place of accepting nothing but the best is so tough for us women folk. But also follows up with the caveat that as tough as it may be, if women as a collective refused to accept shit, then perhaps men would step up.
The crux of the matter though, is that YOU ARE NOT THE EXCEPTION. You are not going to change him to be a “better man” or “leave his wife” or “settle down.” Allowing any man to treat you like anything less than the goddess you are is the stupidest thing you can do, because all you are doing is taking time away from time you could be enjoying life, and potentially meeting the man who *is* into you.
I think anyone who can read this book, and honestly recognize the mistakes they’ve made in the past, and move past the toxic men in their lives (current or exes) has set herself up for a much better quality of life – single or partnered. And if you read the book, and still consider yourself an “exception,” well, don’t come cryin’ to me about how your man was an asshole again, cuz I ain’t listenin! I’ve got no time for that shit. I’m too busy making time in my life for someone who’s just that into me.
I haven’t actually read the book, but I’ve used the premise as relationship advice (for others and myself) a hundred times already. The premise as laid out in the show itself was so bang on that I think I could have saved myself two years of hell… and have since saved myself a lot of rationalizations about various people. I’m *so* into that concept. It fits wonderfully with my existing “Fuck ’em if they don’t like it” attitude, too. 🙂
Hehe donna… I was thinking of you during the “hope if I’m really nice the ex will come around” section. I think I speak for all your friends when I say we’re glad you got over that one!
Yeah, so I apparently turn into a doormat at times. I don’t like it any better than anyone else. 😉
I don’t really get the whole treat your woman like a ‘goddess’ thing. You should treat here with respect sure… and love her with all your heart. But it’s a two way street and putting people on pedastals doesn’t sound like the way to go either.