7 thoughts on “Question”

  1. Smacks of control/ownership. I couldnt care less what my girls father thinks. As long as I was respectful to him, thats all that would matter. Chivalry aside, Im not for it. Chivalry in, there are many other ways to harken back to the age of gentlemanship.

  2. If a guy is going to pop the question in a public place with the woman’s parents present, then yes, it is a good idea to let the parents know. From what I hear of my friends’ experiences, everybody involved knew *that* he was going to ask her to marry her (including her), but not when. And shouldn’t that be the way? If she expects it, then even though she’s surprised at the timing, she has an answer.

    The one “question” I knew about in advance was my American friend. He popped the question at a picnic celebrating her graduation from university, though they had been discussing marriage a few times beforehand. He told me a couple hours before he did it, then, since her family was there, asked her fathers (yes, plural) to go for a walk with him, where he told them his intentions. He was evidently told that he didn’t need their permission. 🙂

    So I would say that asking for permission is not expected, but notification *is* expected, as is an expression from the guy that he would like the father to “give away” the girl. These days that means that he wants the father to be part of the community that the couple are ‘signing a contract’ with (as I’ve written, in these pages no less, marriage is a contract between community and couple, not between two people).

  3. I didn’t ask, and if I had it to do over again, I still wouldn’t. I share many of Donna’s feelings; I think it’s fine if you want to let the in-laws know your intentions, but the groom-to-be is not under any obligation to “ask permission”.

    It’s an old tradition borne out of patriarchy and chauvinism: Why is it only the GROOM who must get permission? And why is it only the FATHER’S permission to grant? I just don’t think there’s much place for that way of thinking anymore.

  4. Personally, I’d be … if not offended, then greatly annoyed, regardless of the relationship I have with my dad. (I get along wonderfully with my mother, and wouldn’t want anyone to ask her, either.) Why? My parents don’t have anything to do with my choice of spouse. That’s my decision, not theirs. I haven’t needed my parents permission to do anything since I was 17, I’m certainly not going to start now.

    That said, I find several wedding “traditions” to be personally offensive — the concept of being “given away” for example. I’m sorry, but I don’t “belong” to anyone — neither the person who would give me away, or the person who I’m supposedly being given to. Ownership don’t count into it.

    Hell, my ex fiance wanted to have “obey” in our vows. Yeah, uh, no.

    that said, some women might see it as something nice. But I’d recommend that the boys check with their girlfriends before pissing them off with requests of that nature. Or know them well enough to know if they’d be touched or annoyed. 🙂

  5. I agree – I don’t think it’s expected. But I think it’s the right thing to do in a close family and even in a not so close family. Of course this all depends on the situation too.

  6. I don’t think it should be expected…but that’s just me. I certainly don’t expect Chris to ask my dad’s permission, mostly due to the “unique” relationship my father and I have.

    I think there are some families where it would be appreciated, if not expected, ie. where there are a lot of traditions honoured on a regular basis. In other less traditional families it may not be expected, but seen as a nice gesture. Then again, I think the woman whose hand is being sought should be the focus of the question. Might she even be offended by the potential groom’s going over her head in a way?

Comments are closed.