Ridiculously High Standard #2

Flowers. Dangerous ground.

Flowers on a blind date = bad idea. First of all, if I’m going on a blind date, 99% of the time I’ll insist on meeting the guy somewhere – who knows what kind of crazy person they could end up being, and I don’t want the crazies knowing exactly where I live. I also do not want to drag flowers around town all evening. And who knows, we may not get along at all, in which case the flowers will just make things more awkward. Flowers delivered with a kind note a day or two after a blind date that went well however, will garner a man many, many bonus points.

If I already know a guy, many of the same rules apply. Only bring flowers if you’re picking me up at my place so I can put them in water and then not worry about them during the date. If we are meeting somewhere, I do not want to carry them around all evening, or watch them wither in the back seat of your car.

The type of flower is also important. If there is no established exclusive relationship, DO NOT BRING ROSES. I can’t stress this enough. Unless it’s Valentine’s Day, in which case PINK roses are acceptible. Roses are a very serious flower. Some women think a single rose is appropriate for a first or second date – personally I think it’s very juvenile and cliche’d.

From what I’ve gathered – the above criteria are sortof standard among any women I’ve talked to. The next part is where I get a bit ridiculous.

If I’m getting flowers, I want something fun and pretty or exotic. It’s great when someone can pick up on my favourite flower (If you know me, and have been in my bathroom, it’s pretty apparent) – however, do not come right out and ask “What’s your favourite flower?” If you ask, then I know what you’re up to, and it takes all the fun out of things. Yes, I expect mind readers. Is that a problem?

A man’s taste in flowers reveals a lot about him. If you show up with a boquet from the corner or grocery store (and yes, I can tell where they’re from) I will think you don’t have the good sense to plan flowers well enough in advance to swing by the florist. If I think flowers are an afterthought on your way to see me, that will not bode well for your future.

Further hints: if you show up with Roses, no matter what colour, but especially red (as I mentioned) you are either pretentious, or have no imagination, or (likely) both. Roses will also die within 5 days – about how long it will take for me to erase your contact details from my PDA. If you show up with Carnations, you are immediately labeled as boring and cheap, and someone who has only ever purchased flowers for his grandmother. A potted arrangement of some sort, as opposed to cut flowers, says you want me to remember you longer than a week. If the potted thing doesn’t live very long, I will very likely take it as a sign that things are not destined to go well. Think carefully before you make that kind of floral commitment.

One surefire way to eliminate any sort of floral judgement – send flowers to me at work. There are few things women like more than overt displays of affection that say “Look how much someone loves me” in front of other people. Any girl who says she doesn’t like stuff like that is a DIRTY LIAR. She is just playing the reverse psychology game; or nobody loves her that much and she’s trying to talk herself into the fact that maybe it’s ok to live alone with 30 cats.

Of course, as is the case with any of my ridiculously high standards, Prince Charming could show up with a fistfull of dandilions, and I’ll think they’re gorgeous. The problem is, too many guys start off assuming they’re Prince Charming, and that is usually not the case. However, if a guy can play it right, the right flowers can make or break his Princely status.

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