What did you do in 2004 that you’d never done before?
Raised $2000 for Charity, Walked 60kms, Dated (before this year I�d never done the whole �noncommittal wining and dining� thing), Worked full-time all year (I miss school!), Applied for EI (damn me and my elite job-finding skills, I wasn�t unemployed long enough to collect).

Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I checked the archives, but I didn�t make any tangible ones. At least, I certainly don�t remember what I was thinking at the time I wrote them. I’m not much of a resolutions person anyway, though I’ll toss a few in here for fun. Resolution: Make resolutions

Did anyone close to you give birth?
NoNameYet and trollzor welcomed the beautiful baby Drew into the world.

Did anyone close to you die?
Finally, no. 2004 was a funeral-free year� 2002/2003 were not so lucky.

What countries did you visit?
Only our esteemed neighbours to the South. Resolution: Change that this year.

What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
A larger bed. Seriously. Soon� Resolution: Go Bed Shopping

What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I can barely remember what date it is today � I never remember dates things happened on. See those things I hadn�t done before this year � I�ll definitely remember those.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Doing the Weekend to End Breast Cancer. It�s so seriously beyond anything I thought I could do at the time.

What was your biggest failure?
There are no failures, only lessons. I�ve also never actually failed at anything I�ve put my mind to succeeding at, so I honestly can�t think of any.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Hmm� no I don�t think so.

What was the best thing you bought?
Hmm� I�m pretty sure the TV was this year, so I�ll say that. I bought a lot of crap this year though.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
All the friends who rallied around me when I was low. Seriously people, you rock.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My ex-roommate. It appalled me because she�s so psycho � and depressed me, because her lack of grasp on reality had a direct impact on my life.

Where did most of your money go?
The retail demons.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I do believe I squealed and jumped up & down when I got a new job.

What song will always remind you of 2004?
Too many to list.

Compared to this time last year, you are:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner
c) richer or poorer? I don�t think I can claim richer� how about slightly less poor?

What do you wish you’d done more of?
Danced like I�d never danced before.

What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being bitter and miserable.

How did you spend Christmas?
In a whirlwind of family and food and drink. It was lovely.

How will you be spending New Years?
Big Pimpin� at Chez Low

Did you fall in love in 2004?
I fell out of love, which was the strangest, saddest thing I�ve ever experienced.

How many one-night stands?
One. Everyone needs a rebound, right?

What was your favorite TV program?
I have to pick just one? I�m a TV junkie � that�s impossible.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No time for pure, unadulterated hate. There�s a few people I�ve come to know and dislike, but they don�t actually matter in my world anyway.

What was the best book you read?
Life of Pi. I think I technically finished it during 2004.

What was your greatest musical discovery for 2004?
Mash-ups, love them.

What did you want and get?
Everything. I�m a spoiled brat.

What was your favorite film of this year?
Probably The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou � but I only say that because I just saw it and still remember it.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I think I slept, and I turned a whopping 24 years old. Resolution: Have a huge, swinging �I�m a quarter century old now� party in 2005. July. Be there.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not getting fat. Thankfully reversing that is already in full-swing.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
Hey, I don�t look totally fat in this! It hides the rolls!

What kept you sane?
Getting laid off. It was the best thing to happen to me job-wise. I may have killed someone otherwise.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Boston Rob from Survivor All Stars. Love.

What political issue stirred you the most?
I�m so high strung that I tend not to let things that I can�t control �stir� or otherwise rile me up, or I may explode. I made my choices, I voted on everything I could � what more is there to do?

Who did you miss?
Jesse. Come back home!

Who was the best new person you met?
I met quite a few great people this year � couldn�t possibly name just one. I usually meet new people pretty frequently though. The difference this past year is that I maintained and developed some fabulous existing friendships that mean the world to me.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
Love yourself. In the end, you�re the only one who always will.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
The lyrics on the entire �Heavier Things� album by John Mayer are a pretty accurate reflection on my year. A few quotes from a few songs:

All you need is love is a lie cause
We had love and we still said goodbye
Now we�re tired, battered fighters
-Split Screen Sadness

I worry
I weigh three times my body
I worry
I throw my fear around
But this morning
There�s a calm I can�t explain
The rock candy�s melted, only diamonds now remain
-Clarity

Cause ever since I�ve tried
Trying not to find
Every little meaning in my life
It�s been fine
I�ve been cool
With my new golden rule
-New Deep

Don�t hold your love over my head
-Come Back to Bed

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
-Daughters

Oh the sloth that I’ve been experiencing this week. It’s so glorious it’s almost unbearable.

I’ve done nearly nothing in the past three days. In fact, I’ve done so little that I almost feel guilty about it. Almost - not quite.

Saw The Life Aquatic on Sunday night. I loved it, though YMMV. It’s absolutely NOT a comedy - so don’t go expecting a barrel of laughs. If you liked Lost in Translation and Gosford Park, I’m sure you’ll appreciate the all-star cast and the touching story.

Other than that, I’ve caught up on some DVD watching that isn’t worth mentioning, caught up with a few friends, read The Da Vinci Code, engaged in lots of napping, lots of hangin’ out in the pyjammas.

The break has reminded me why I miss being a student so much. Everyone should have a week or two off every three months. Anyone want to help start the movement?

I don’t have a problem with the whole Boxing Day Week Shopping Extravaganza. I can choose to participate or not, as I see fit.

But seriously people - do you have to run out and buy the stores out of EVERYTHING? All I wanted was a couple of basic dishcloths. Mine were lookin’ a little grungy, so I thought I’d break up the day and go get some new ones to compliment the cute new tea towels I got for Christmas.

AND I COULDN’T FIND ANY! THE SHELVES HAVE BEEN PICKED CLEAN!

I looked at the prices that were listed - they weren’t exactly a phenomenal bargain. Some weren’t on sale at all.

Either the world ran out of dishcloths all at the same time, or y’all are effin’ crazy!

Wanted: Three Two ONE!(get ‘em while they’re hot people!) friends who wants to go see Santa vs. The Snowman in all its IMAX glory either Wednesday or Thursday night (7:00pm showtime). all gone!

I won 4 tickets on the radio, and even though it’s cheezy, it could quite possibly be fun. Leave a comment if you’re interested.

This is so overwhelming it just doesn’t seem real.

I’ve lived in places with smaller populations than the number of dead. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like.

A note to those who want to help: Please give generously if you can, but do your research. For example, more of your donation dollars will go directly to helping those affected with real solutions (such as food and water, instead of religious literature and administration costs) if you give to the Red Cross instead of World Vision. Doctors Without Borders, who have a presence in the area, will be able to more efficiently use donation dollars for medical care than a smaller organization who may have to use a greater percentage of the dollars in order to mobilize. In times of tragedy, it’s easy to want to give so badly that you do it blindly. Do your research, make the choice, and donate where you believe is best.

HOW TO HELP (from Canada.com)

Canadians considering making a financial donation can contact the following established relief organizations or another preferred charity.

Canadian Red Cross: 1-800-418-1111 or www.redcross.ca

Oxfam Canada: 1-800-466-9326 (1-800-GO-OXFAM) or www.oxfam.ca

World Vision Canada: 1-800-268-5528 or www.worldvision.ca

UNICEF Canada: 1-877-955-3111 or www.unicef.ca

Canadian Tamil Congress: 1-416-751-8777

Canadian Relief Organization for Peace in Sri Lanka 1-416-429-2822

Development and Peace: 1-888-664-3387 or www.devp.org

Christian Children’s Fund of Canada: 1-800-263-5437 or www.ccfcanada.ca

UJA Federation of Greater Toronto: 416-631-5705 or www.jewishtoronto.com

Doctors without Borders Canada: 1-800-982-7903 or http://www.msf.ca/

Sometimes I’d really rather deal with the impossible.

When you already know the outcome, it’s much easier to just relax and enjoy the ride.

I see conclusion in all this confusion of mine.
Though you and I both know it�s only the warm glow of wine
that�s got you to feeling this way
- but I don�t care, I want you to stay.

Just hold me and tell me you�ll be here to love me today.

-Norah Jones

Christmas was a bit of a whirlwind this year. All of the merriment was jammed into two days, when I’m used to it being spread over 4 or 5. But we made it through - and now I have some extra free time to just hang out and do nothing and not feel one ounce of guilt over it.

I was showered with some wonderful, thoughtful, beautiful gifts. However I do have a tiny confession to make: to those of you who delivered my gifts before Christmas day, though I promised to wait, I actually tore off the paper the instant you were out of sight. It’s a sickness - I can’t help myself. Though I do apologize.

And now, I am lounging with my coffee in my housecoat, enjoying the sun streaming through the window. I miss having white Christmasses, but if I can’t have snow, the crisp sunshine is a nice substitute.

Even without any mistletoe kisses this year, I didn’t feel any less full of the joy & love of the season, and I hope all of you had at least a little of that in your own lives this past weekend.

Barrington Bunny
-Martin Bell

Once upon a time, in a large forest, there lived a very furry bunny. He had one lop ear, a tiny black nose, and unusually shiny eyes. His name was Barrington. Barrington was not really a very handsome bunny. He was brown and speckled, and his ears didn’t stand up right. But he could hop, and he was, as I have said, very furry.

In a way, winter is fun for bunnies. After all, it gives them an opportunity to hop in the snow and then turn around to see where they have hopped. So, in a way, winter was fun for Barrington.

But in another way, winter made Barrington sad. For, you see, winter marked the time when all of the animal families got together in their cozy homes to celebrate Christmas. He could hop, and he was very furry. But as far as Barrington knew, he was the only bunny in the forest. When Christmas Eve finally came, Barrington did not feel like going home all by himself. So he decided he would hop for awhile in the clearing in the center of the forest.

Hop. Hop. Hippity-hop. Barrington made tracks in the fresh snow. Hop. Hop. Hippity-hop. Then he cocked his head and looked back at the wonderful designs he had made.

“Bunnies,” he thought to himself, “can hop. And they are very warm, too, because of how furry they are.” (But Barrington didn�t really know whether or not this was true of all bunnies, since he had never met another bunny.)

When it got too dark to see the tracks he was making, Barrington made up his mind to go home. On his way, however, he passed a large oak tree. High in the branches, there was a great deal of excited chattering going on. Barrington looked up. It was a squirrel family! What a marvelous time they seemed to be having.

“Hello, up there,” called Barrington.

“Hello, down there,” came the reply.

“Having a Christmas party?” asked Barrington.

“Oh, yes!” answered the squirrels. “It�s Christmas Eve. Everybody is having a
Christmas party!”

“May I come to your party?” said Barrington softly.

“Are you a squirrel?”

“No.”

“What are you, then?”

“A bunny.”

“A bunny?”

“Yes.”

“Well, how can you come to the party if you�re a bunny? Bunnies can�t climb trees.”

“That�s true,” said Barrington thoughtfully. “But I can hop, and I�m very furry and warm.”

“We�re sorry,” called the squirrels. “We don�t know anything about hopping and being furry, but we do know that in order to come to our house, you have to be able to climb trees.”

“Oh, well,” said Barrington. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” chattered the squirrels.

And the unfortunate bunny hopped off toward his tiny house. It was beginning to snow when Barrington reached the river. Near the river bank was a wonderfully constructed house of sticks and mud. Inside there was singing.

“It�s the beavers,” thought Barrington. “Maybe they will let me come to their party.” And so he knocked on the door.

“Who�s out there?” called a voice.

“Barrington Bunny,” he replied. There was a long pause and then a shiny beaver head broke the water.

“Hello, Barrington,” said the beaver.

“May I come to your Christmas Party?” asked Barrington.

The beaver thought for awhile, and then he said, “I suppose so. Do you know how to swim?”

“No,” said Barrington, “but I can hop, and I am very furry and warm.”

“Sorry,” said the beaver. “I don�t know anything about hopping and being furry, but I do know that in order to come to our house, you have to be able to swim.”

“Oh, well,” Barrington muttered, his eyes filling with tears. “I suppose that�s true � Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” called the beaver. And he disappeared beneath the surface of the water.

Even being as furry as he was, Barrington was beginning to get cold. And the snow was falling so hard that his tiny, bunny eyes could scarcely see what was ahead of him. He was almost home, however, when he heard the excited squeaking of field mice beneath the ground. “It�s a party,” thought Barrington. And suddenly he blurted out through his

tears, “Hello, field mice. This is Barrington Bunny. May I come to your party?” But the wind was howling so loudly and Barrington was sobbing so much that no one heard him. And when there was no response at all, Barrington just sat down in the snow and began to cry with all his might.

“Bunnies,” he thought, “aren�t any good to anyone. What good is it to be furry and to be able to hop if you don�t have any family on Christmas Eve?” Barrington cried and cried. When he stopped crying, he began to bite on his bunny�s foot, but he did not move from where he was sitting in the snow. Suddenly, Barrington was aware that he was not alone. He looked up and strained his shiny eyes to see who was there. To his surprise, he saw a great silver wolf. The wolf was large and strong, and his eyes flashed fire. He was the most beautiful animal Barrington had ever seen.

For a long time, the silver wolf didn�t say anything at all. He just stood there and looked at Barrington with those terrible eyes.

Then slowly and deliberately the wolf spoke. Barrington,” he asked in a gentle voice, “why are you sitting in the snow?”

“Because it�s Christmas Eve,” said Barrington, “and I don�t have any family, and bunnies aren�t any good to anyone.”

“Bunnies are, too, good,” said the wolf. “Bunnies can hop, and they are very warm.”

“What good is that?” Barrington sniffed.

“It is very good indeed,” the wolf went on, “because it is a gift that bunnies are given, a free gift with no strings attached. And every gift that is given to anyone is given for a reason. Someday you will see why it is good to hop and to be warm and furry.”

“But it�s Christmas,” moaned Barrington, “and I�m all alone. I don�t have any family at all.”

“Of course you do,” replied the great silver wolf. “All of the animals in the forest are your family.” And then the wolf disappeared. He simply wasn�t there. Barrington had only blinked his eyes, and when he looked � the wolf was gone.

“All of the animals in the forest are my family,” thought Barrington. “It�s good to be a bunny. Bunnies can hop. That�s a gift.” And then he said it again. “A gift. A free gift.” On into the night, Barrington worked. First he found the best stick that he could. (And that was difficult because of the snow.) Then hop. Hop. Hippity-hop. To beaver�s house. He left the stick just outside the door. With a note on it that read: “Here is a good stick for your house. It is a gift. A free gift. No strings attached. Signed, a member of your family.”

“It is a good thing that I can hop,” he thought, “because the snow is very deep.” Then Barrington dug and dug. Soon he had gathered together enough dead leaves and grass to make the squirrels� nest warmer. Hop. Hop. Hippity-hop. He laid the grass and leaves just under the large oak tree and attached this message: “A gift. A free gift. From a member of your family.”

It was late when Barrington finally started home. And what make things worse was that he knew a blizzard was beginning. Hop. Hop. Hippity-hop. Soon poor Barrington was lost. The wind howled furiously, and it was very, very cold. “It certainly is cold,” he said out loud. “It�s a good thing I�m so furry. But if I don�t find my way home pretty soon, even I might freeze!”

“Squeak. Squeak….”

And then he saw it � a baby field mouse lost in the snow. And the little mouse was crying. “Hello, little mouse,” Barrington called. “Don�t cry. I�ll be right there.” Hippity-hop, and Barrington was beside the tiny mouse.

“I�m lost,” sobbed the little fellow. “I�ll never find my way home, and I know I�m going to freeze.”

“You won�t freeze,” said Barrington. “I�m a bunny, and bunnies are very furry and warm. You stay right where you are, and I�ll cover you up.”

Barrington lay on top of the little mouse and hugged him tight. The tiny fellow felt himself surrounded by warm fur. He cried for awhile, but soon, snug and warm, he fell asleep. Barrington had only two thoughts that long, cold night. First he thought, “It�s good to be a bunny. Bunnies are very furry and warm.” And then, when he felt the heart of the tiny mouse beneath him beating regularly, he thought, “All of the animals in the forest are my family.”

Next morning, the field mice found their little boy, asleep in the snow, warm and snug beneath the furry carcass of a dead bunny. Their relief and excitement were so great that they didn�t even think to question where the bunny had come from. And as for the beavers and the squirrels, they still wonder which member of their family left the little gifts for them that Christmas Eve. After the field mice had left, Barrington�s frozen body simply lay in the snow. There was no sound except that of the howling wind. And no one anywhere in the forest noticed the great silver wolf who came to stand beside that brown, lop-eared carcass.

But the wolf did come.

And he stood there.

Without moving or saying a word.

All Christmas Day.

Until it was night.

And then he disappeared into the forest

…there arose such a clatter, that I didn’t even need my alarm clock to wake up. Who knew it - 5:15am is a GREAT time to start moving furniture.

It’s probably best that the noisy upstairs neighbours woke me up though. My phone went off with a text at about midnight, and being sound asleep, I reached over (thinking it was time to wake up already) and turned off my alarm clock. I was so confused that my clock read 12:04 instead of 5:27 that I gave up trying to understand what the hell happened, and went back to sleep.

Until 5:15. When the furniture moving / elephat training / gymnastics meet upstairs started.

And, strangely enough, I can say without reservation that IT’S DONE. The shopping and wrapping and baking and packing and picking up and dropping off - I’m actually sortof ready.

I did miss a few things, I managed to pick up my cheque, but missed registering for class in January - I’ll have to do it next week or after the 4th, but it’s just a part-time class at BCIT, so I shouldn’t have much of a problem. I also managed to pack for being away this weekend, but half of my bag is dirty laundry that I’m going to have to dump in the washer at my parents’ once I get there this afternoon.

I hope that whatever you do or wherever you go today, you are safe and warm and filled to the brim with love, joy, and peace. Or liquor.

Look! A Meme! Because I’m so bored it’s either this, or smash my face into my desk repeatedly.

Stolen from everyone.

Three names you go by:
Jen
peechie
Jenny Piccalo

Three things you like about yourself:
My smokin’ hot ass
I’m smrt
My fierce independant streak

Three things you don’t like about yourself:
My tendency to worry
My atrocious singing voice
My messed up “flexible as a 2×4″ lower body

Three parts of your heritage:
Canadian
Dutch
German

Three things that scare you:
Bugs
Greenpeace
PETA

Three things you are wearing right now:
Runners
Jeans
Harvard Sweatshirt (or as I call it “artificial intelligence”)

Three everyday essentials:
Coffee
Food
Hugs

Three of your favourite bands/artists (at the moment):
Kelly Clarkson (SHUTUP)
Interpol
Snoop

Three of your favourite songs (at the moment):
Get Low - Lil’Jon (cuz I’m classy like that)
Since You’ve Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
All I Want for Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey

Three things you want to try in the next 12 months:
Caviar
Travel more than 1 timezone away
Run for 30 continuous minutes

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
Laughter
Trust
Diamonds

Three favourite hobbies:
Sleeping
Writing
Taking over the world

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
Sleep
Win the Lottery
Frolick in the Sunshine

Three things you want to do before you die:
Get married & start a family
Skydive
Finish taking over the world

Two truths and one lie:
I’ll eat almost anything
I drink 2 liters of water a day
I love talking on the phone

Three things you just can’t do:
Be Patient
Do Calculus
Lift a 50kg TV by myself

I had a steak so good last night, I dreamt about it. Literally. I went to sleep and had a dream, and the steak was a prominent character.

Then I woke up at about 3:30am and didn’t get back to sleep until 4:30am.

And I still made it to work for 7:00am, because I must leave promptly at 3:00 for the last important appointment before Christmas.

Then I brave the mall and help a friend with a shopping emergency.

Apparrently I will just have to settle for sleeping enough when I’m dead. Hopefully I can still dream about steak.

Zen has returned. I have accepted the fact that it is now completely and entirely beyond my control to get any of those “things that must be finished” done. They’re just not going to happen. Oh well.

Instead of stressing about it, I’m going to go out for dinner tonight, and forget that the problems exist.

I’m so good at avoidance, it’s frightening.

Hi. I am in full on “time to freak right the fuck out mode.”

It’s time to recognize that there are a few things that just will. not. get. done.

Have I mentioned I’m a bit of a perfectionist? And a worrier?

Hold me.

Update (11:24am): Just been informed that we get a half-day off on the 24th. It doesn’t mean those things that need to be done will get done, but it does mean I won’t be as rushed getting out of the house that morning.

I got an email the other day from a guy I had been out with a few times (no, not the one I was planning on email dumping the other week). It read something like this:

“While I think you’re a great person, and I’ve had fun hanging out with you, I don’t think we’re eachother’s type”

Pretty standard. Until you hear the backstory.

Dates with this person had been getting progressively worse. I wanted to give myself a chance to like him as much as he seemed to like me, but there’s only so many times you can answer “you’re gorgeous” or “you’re fabulous” or “you’re intriguing” or “I want to spoil you with inappropriately extravagent gifts” with “uh huh.” He also did me a hugeass favour that I didn’t ask for and he still insisted on doing, which I totally appreciate. But try as I might, I just couldn’t get past the fact that 99% of this guy’s personality managed to completely turn me off at every turn.

After the final date (one I probably shouldn’t have bothered with in the first place), I was at the point where I should’ve just dumped him at the end of the night. But I chickened out. You’d think my total disinterest during the date, or my panicked look at the fact that he assumed he was coming up, or the speed at which I exited his barely stopped vehicle would’ve been clues. But guys are dumb like that.

A week or so later I get an email asking if I’d like to go for drinks with him. I blew him off with a “I’m really busy until after the holidays.” I figured I’d wait until the craziness of my world blew over, then dump him properly in January sometime. But apparrently I still had one more card to play, and I didn’t even know it.

I posted this - containing a small, random paragraph about my recent perils of dating. I mentioned that I need to go out with people who are not mean, or virgins, or rebounding. This guy isn’t exempt from that list - and apparrently he knows it. Either that or he’s really overly sensitive and thinks everything is all about him. He’s also one who started things of by taking the “I’ve read your entire blog archives and now possess an inappropriate amount of random perceived knowledge about you” road.

Considering the above, it’s not surprising that about 24 hours after said post appeared, I got the email at the top of the page. I guess I’ll never know his true motivation, but I’d just like to toss out a “thanks for saving me the trouble!”