WARNING: GRATUITOUS SEX POST well, not really, but you’ve been warned. Sortof.
So I’m at the grocery store tonight picking up some turkey (they were out when I went last night) and I wander past the pharmacy section, and figure I should pick up some personal lubricant for use with my personal “massagers.” Shut up. I’m trying to be PC with the whole thing.
Anyway, so I pick up a tube o’ lube and figure that, while I’m there, I may as well embrace my single-dom and get some condoms too. Not that I plan on jumping in the sack with anyone any time soon, but you know how the story goes… you delay and delay on the purchase, then when you are in a situation where you really need them, you have none. I did not want to be there at any point, so what the hell.
You need to understand, I am not shy about sex. And I have purchased my fair share of condoms. So I picked up a box of Trojans and tossed them and the lube into the basket with my turkey.
Then suddenly this strange sensation came over me (not that kind of sensation! quit being dirty and follow along!), I wondered what that said about me, having turkey cutlets and condoms and lube in my basket? So I headed for frozen foods and picked up some lean cuisines and tossed them on top. Now my basket contains single girl food, turkey cutlets, condoms and lube. So I head for the fruit. A few bananas, plums & nectarines later, and I figure I can’t really improve on the situation at all. So I check out and scamper off home.
When the hell did I become such a chicken (turkey?) about sex? I’ve been having it pretty often for the past 8-odd years, and have purchased my fair share of accoutrements that are much riskier than condoms. But for the longest time, I’ve always always shrouded myself in the security of being in a long term relationship. As if any of the checkout people ever actually knew that, or would know that I’m now single. Or that it even matters. But for some reason I’m thinking I give off some strange vibe. My essence just screams this girl is a shameless hussy!
Now I’m looking at this damn box of condoms, sitting on my bed, wondering what the hell I was thinking. It’s probably a good thing they don’t expire until 2009. It might just take me that long before I get over my complex. And eat turkey again.
kimono microthins & liquid silk. can’t beat ’em. or maybe you can. hehe.
I vote for Durex, too.
I’m with kate…I totally prefer Durex condoms.
good on you for thinking ahead! if only that jerk I went home with last month had, I wouldn’t have been walking to the fucking gas station at 2am.
Although Cam is right — trojans are weird. They leave this really weird chalky residue when I use them on toys, so I can only imagine what sort of things they’re leaving elsewhere…
durex ++
oh, and darren, just so you know: “Her pleasure” my ass. If any girl can feel those itty bitty condom wrinkles, I’ll be shocked.
Out of curiousity, what kind of trojans did you buy? There are so many options these days, and I’m curious as to what the female consumer chooses. And what that choice says about you?
Trojan Magnum XL: You’re optimistic
Trojan Extended Pleasure: You’re pessimistic, or like younger men
Trojan Her Pleasure: You’re keeping things fair.
eww stinky trojans.
You sound just like me. Whenever I buy lube and condoms, I need to go by the produce section and get some bananas and cucumbers, then over to get some hotdogs, and then… wait, what was I talking about again?
Good for you on stocking up. You don’t want to end up needing lube past midnight, when the only open store in your neighbourhood is a 7-11 and it doesn’t carry any.