Somebody call 911

I got a mosquito bite over the weekend so perhaps it’s West Nile or Malaria.
I also burnt my arm on the iron – and that wound is looking a little inflamed -so perhaps it’s flesh eating disease.
I’ve eaten beef & chicken and have Chinese friends – it could be a combination of Mad Cow, Avian Flu and SARS.
Or perhaps I’m just melodramatic and it’s only a common cold.
Any way you slice it, it sucks all the ass in the world, ever.
My throat feels like my glands have been ripped out by hand with no anesthetic: enter searing pain.
Said glands feel as if they have been replaced by dead hamsters: enter puffiness, swelling and cotton-mouth.
Not to mention the feeling that knitting needles are being jabbed into my ears every time I swallow or move my jaw.
I’m such a baby when I’m sick. I want someone (preferably my mom, but any mom or even living being will do) to bring me hot tea & soup, rub vapo rub on my back & throat, and make sure I’m tucked up tight in a cozy blanket with some good books and trashy daytime TV.
Instead I’ll pop enough NyQuil to sedate a small horse and crawl into bed, hoping I’ll be well enough to tackle work in the morning.

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