Dear the 50 kids who get on the skytrain at Rupert each morning on their way to school:
While I appreciate your zeal for education, embodied by the high pitched squeals that you seem to enjoy emitting so much, I must make one request. Nay, less a request than a demand!
When all 50 of you cram yourselves into one skytrain car, would you please be so kind as to hold on to the lovely metal stabilization bars that have been provided for the use of passengers such as yourselves? This will prevent you from toppling like so many dominoes into all of the other passengers each and every time the train speeds up, slows down, or turns.
Don’t try telling me that you “didn’t know” it would be such a rough ride – I watch you act out this sad scene each morning on my way to work, while I try to avoid your careening bodies.
If you fail to meet this perfectly reasonable expectation that I’ve set out for you, you may find that I’ve either accidentally stomped all over your hello kitty backpack that you’re dragging on the ground behind you, or that your internal organs, or obnoxious cranium may have an unfortunate run-in with a well-placed elbow.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.