For anyone who’s interested why I’m so cranky and uninclined to post anything in the past few days, I’ll fill you in. If you are inclined to not give a damn, or blame some sort of strange mortal sin on the misfortune that’s befallen my family as of late, you can stop reading here. Friends may continue to the extended entry.
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heh.

They do.

Q: Where does the fat from Lyposuction go?

A: Into those gel wrist pads for keyboards/mice.

I try to refrain from posting logs - but this one was just too precious. Some little peon begging my favour.

A bit of background first: This guy is an absolute idiot, who identifies himself by the fact that he got angry, shook his child, and ended up in the slammer. He also claims to be smart. You can see him here on the goofy site he created.

And this is what he said:

Session Start: Sun Aug 24 12:52:06 2003
Session Ident: jcarle
[12:52] Session Ident: jcarle (~jcarle@jcarle.users.undernet.org)
[12:52] jcarle: Hey
[12:52] peechie: ?
[12:52] jcarle: How goes?
[12:52] peechie: fine
[12:52] peechie: how’s you?
[12:52] jcarle: Good.
[12:52] jcarle: Question…
[12:52] peechie: k..
[12:52] jcarle: You don’t actually really dispise me do you?
[12:52] peechie: no
[12:52] jcarle: despise(?)
[12:52] peechie: that would take far more engergy than you’re worth
[12:53] jcarle: lol
[12:53] peechie: it’s closer to a mild distaste
[12:53] jcarle: lol
[12:53] * jcarle shrugs
[12:53] jcarle: We’ll you’re cool in my books.
[12:53] peechie: thanks [12:53] jcarle: You know, a lot of things I say just to see if I can piss you off. [12:54] jcarle: Granted, I far from always agree with your opinions, but I like you because you’re smart.
[12:55] peechie: i know
[12:55] peechie: (on both points)
[12:56] jcarle: Sometimes I envy you
Session Close: Sun Aug 24 13:04:27 2003

I just couldn’t bear to continue. I’m not sure he believed I was being serious, and I didn’t feel like stomping such an easy target on a Sunday.

Life: Hey Jen, what would you like more than anything tonight?
Jen: A relaxing evening and a restful full night’s sleep
Life: How ’bout some nausea with some insomnia tossed in for fun?
Jen: Great. Asshat.

I have a great need to focus on the small pleasures I’m experiencing today, and I thought I’d share a few with you, my ever-faithful readers:

-The cheery, radioactive yellow colour of my pee when I remember to take my vitamins in the morning. They’re time-release vitamins, so I get to enjoy the funk all day long!

-The Chinese cleaning guy belting out some song (I have no idea what it is) at the top of his lungs, really out of tune, and not caring who hears, as he mops the floors in the office

-Finding out that I can get Siegels Bagels delivered to my home

-The strange latte coloured film on my tongue from drinking way too much coffee in an effort to keep warm

-The resulting buzz from the coffee

-All the extra bright yellow peeing I get to do from drinking so much coffee

-Goldfish. The snack that smiles back (even when I’m not smiling)

I’m certainly hoping that these few things will keep me from decapitating myself and throwing my head out our 6th floor windows. I hate being bored at work when there’s about a billion other things I need to do that are anywhere but here.

I have to do this all over again tomorrow too, so now it’s your turn, what are the simple pleasures that keep you sane?

this weeks’ friday five:

1. When was the last time you laughed?
This morning sometime, though I don’t remember at what.

2. Who was the last person you had an argument with?
Brian.

3. Who was the last person you emailed?
Devon.

4. When was the last time you bathed?
I showered this morning (just like every other morning), but the last time I had an honest to goodness bath was probably 3-4 weeks ago.

5. What was the last thing you ate?
A McD’s quarter pounder with cheese - although this banana infront of me is looking mighty tempting…

Either I am an idiot, or my internet sucks tonight. I’m trying to get to all sorts of sites today, and they all seem to be randomly down, and none of them are (at least not obviously) connected in any way that I can fathom.

Why, I ask… WHY???

At least I had a few hours of tuckermax.com to entertain me (which, incidentally, is now giving me DNS errors too).

We interrupt your day for an important announcement…

ok everyone, go listen to this song, now, because it kicks ass:

Married by Elvis - Barlow.

I don’t know where you’ll find it, they have no website to speak of yet, and their CD isn’t being released until Aug. 26th. But I promise you, if you find this, you’ll love it.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled lives.

1. How much time do you spend online each day?
Considering the backbone of my workplace is the internet, at least 8 hours. Tack on another 1 or 2 if I’m doing stuff at home.

2. What is your browser homepage set to?
Google

3. Do you use any instant messaging programs? If so, which one(s)?
Home: MSN, ICQ (83719882 if you ever wanna chat)
Work: All of them, using trillian, but only because I have to.

4. Where was your first webpage located?
On Blogspot. Maybe I’ll check if it’s still there one of these days…

5. How long have you had your current website?
uhh…. not that long… less than a year for sure. I’m much too new to the whole “my site” thing to answer the question well. I’m so un-geek that I don’t even have my own domain yet!

www.fridayfive.org

So my roommate’s friend is in from T.O. and is staying with us for the week. We were all in the living room area chatting, roommate’s friend was standing behind the couch fiddling with something in her bag when I hear it….

…. A FART!

Not just any fart, but a real ripping rumbler. It didn’t stink or anything, but it was very obvious as to what exactly it was.

I know everyone does it, and that it’s perfectly natural, but I’ve just never heard a woman fart so obviously infront of another woman/women before! She didn’t even say “excuse me”!

If I’ve got a Rumble in the Bronx brewing, I do my damndest to hold it in - and if I can’t do that, I excuse myself and leave the room. There are very few people that I will actually pass gas infront of. And 4 them are my immediate family - I know that much is allowed.

What do you all think? Did this eastern import break fart etiquette??

The time has come for me to answer all of your intriguing questions! I do believe I can even fit them all into one entry! Here are the questions - check the extended entry for the answers.

why would anyone pierce a piece of furniture?
oh, cooch piercing. i thought it said “couch”.
yeah, let’s hear about that.

Posted by mikey at August 13, 2003 12:08 PM
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whats your shoe size?

Posted by spark at August 13, 2003 12:51 AM
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everyone lately seems at a loss for what to write about, myself included.
you should write about sex, drugs and rock and roll.

Posted by p at August 12, 2003 04:26 PM
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a tame one:
why do you have your own site on your Blogroll?

Posted by colin at August 12, 2003 04:14 AM
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tell us something personal about ya! all us people who don’t know you IRL are at a loss…

Posted by col at August 11, 2003 11:12 PM
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What donna said.

Posted by Kyndra at August 11, 2003 08:44 PM
___________________

I want to know more about your cooch piercing.

Posted by donna at August 11, 2003 06:55 PM
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…I’m gonna go eat worms!

Actually, everybody loves me, but I went after the worm anyway!

I had that stupid nasty wormblaster virus. If your PC is acting up at all, I highly recommend downloading the worm remover tool from Symantec (a much easier and more effective solution than the whole modem unplug/replug scenario), then get the recommended patch from Microsoft.

Yay for happy computers!