Don’t Drink the Water
Tuesday, July 1st, 2003Dear Brain,
I know that after a night of heavy drinking you are not at your best, especially when you’ve had a night of drinking more intense than any you’ve ever known. I also know that after such a night I will scream something akin to bloody murder (or at least I would if I had a voice) that I would give my kingdom for a glass of water.
It’s at this time that I’d like to remind you that even though I am in great need of some H20, you should take all warnings seriously and find some bottled water. Because when you are told not to drink that cool, crisp well water from a source in the middle of nowhere, where you have seen the evidence all around you of lakes drying out and leaving hefty mineral deposits in their wake, next to a lake full of leeches, even though that sparkling, splashing fount looks so innocent and so tempting, DO NOT DRINK THE WATER!!!
Because drinking that water will cause me and my colleagues at least 3 days of gastrointestinal distress, especially considering our already deteriorating condition that you have been fully aware of for most of your life.
So as cloudy as your thinking may be, and as much as I am pleading for some small hint of hydration, please try to be prepared with some extra bottled agua, and and remember that even though it looks okay, when you’re told not to, don’t drink the water!
Gratefully yours,
Stomach
